When I met the rat she was engaged. I could tell she wasn’t happy in the relationship based on a phone we had in the car. There was too much nonchalance and lack of trust. She hounded him about his whearabouts, and he dodged as many questions as he could.

“Where are you?” she asked after they exchanged awkward pleasantries, “I’m out with friends,” his response was off. Like he didn’t like her asking, like he was in a hurry to get off the phone. 

“Oh! With who?” She followed up trying to be sweet. “umm... just James and some co-workers,” he responded sounding a little nervous. There was some chatter in the background

"Oh, can I say hi?"

"I don't think so," he muttered. "Okay well tell James I said hi," she tried to hide the disappointment in her voice. "Uh...okay"

"What the hell do you want, he'll be home soon...click," we all got quiet in the car, me, her, and boyfriend. I could tell she was embarrassed so I leaned back and pretended I didn't know what was going on. Based on that short exchange, I could tell he was over the relationship.

Knowing what I know now, I wonder if her fiance had confided in his friends about her true nature and they were planning his escape plan. At that time I hadn’t met her true form, but if I had ever needed an example of foreshadowing, this was it. I heard the disdain in his voice, the way he spoke to her like he felt everything out of her mouth was a manipulation tactic. When his friend stepped in to control the conversation, could you begin to imagine the levels of abuse he had suffered at her hands. The stories she had told him. Now I don’t know for sure, it’s all speculation. However, based on my experience I’m allowed to make an educated guess. 

I mean they were engaged and he hadn’t found a second in his day to let her know he would be going out with his friends. His friends for sure didn’t like her, which is probably why they had planned to elope the following year. No family, no friends. 

Narcissists are tricky. The problem with dealing with one is you don’t know you’re dealing with one until it’s too late. Even when people tell you their experiences, you find it hard to believe because they’re just too good at what they do. Especially an experienced narc. There is that rare occurrence, when they are undiagnosed and don’t know when they are doing it. But I use the word Rare very strongly. It is a Narcissist's power  to be aware, they need to be exceptionally aware. It is the only guarantee of a successful manipulation. How do they appear normal to the rest of the world? With a Sponge.

*A sponge is a person that soaks up the nasty habits of a Narcissist.**

He was her sponge, he soaked up every bit of her disgusting habits. Her anger, rage, pretense, impatience and superiority complex. He did a good job sponging it up, because I definitely was fooled. 

I closed my eyes for a few minutes and whispered to myself, “She made me her sponge”

Rage.