I’m going on a date. I can’t stand still. I’m going on a date … as myself. Not pretending to be Cameron. Not pretending to be another stolen face. As myself.

I feel anxious. When I get anxious, I get hungry. I should go get something to eat, now, before I … what’s that sound? Muscles contract on reflex, pupils dilate to maximise light absorption.

“Oh.” Eloise looks … stunning. So soft and comfortable, not hiding away from me. Beautiful. Good enough to eat.

No! Stop that! The hunger is growing again. I can feel my body respond instinctively. I have to clamp my mouth shut to stop the drool from leaking out. Swallow, make sure it’s clear, then breathe out. “You look very pretty.”

Her heartbeat speeds up and then settles back into its rhythm. The sound of arterial rush has the hunger spiking again. I swallow thickly, pushing it down. There are granola bars in the car, we should go … right now.

“Are you ready to go?” The look Eloise gives me when I offer my arm sets of alarm bells inside me. Oh right, I remember, that is not the expected move now. I quickly cover up the motion as reaching for her jacket.

“Thank you.”

She took it. She’s smiling. Good, I did good. She’s still smiling when I double-check the seatbelt. Eloise doesn’t push me away or insist that I needn’t check, she lets me draw close. She smells sweet, glucose and iron and life; I have to take a moment while I walk around the car to force my fangs back beneath the gum.

“Where are we going?”

Always so curious. Asking questions with that small smile and adorable scrunching motion of her nose. It’s infuriating how cute a sign of distrust can be.

“Somewhere nice.” There’s a charming boyish grin that belongs to this face, and it hasn’t failed me yet. I turn my lips up, letting muscle memory create that smile Eloise likes. “You’ll see.”

The car rumbles around us, the buildings rushing past. I like driving; the speed reminds me of running as myself. The burn on my skin from the wind. The rush.

The car park is crowded, choosing a space where I can ensure privacy and Eloise’s comfort takes a minute.

I quickly nab a bar from the stash I keep beneath the seat as I climb out. Eloise looks up at the light bouncing off the glass dome topping the blue behemoth of a building, and I use the momentary distraction to swallow the foil’s contents. Finally, the hunger abates a little.

The entrance is packed with bodies. A warm flow of people of all ages moving through the foyer. Family groups roam around us by the dozen. A gaggle of teens with oversized backpacks crowd around two very tired clipboard-wielding adults. Three spritely nurses each shepherd a flock of elderly patients from the local nursing home.

There are too many people. A pair of unruly children scamper around the queue, knocking into legs and bags. Some of the people they knock into shift on the spot, stretching their ankles out afterwards. Forceful little destructive balls of energy … don’t hurt Meine Engel.

I position myself close to Eloise, not touching her just keeping my arm around my back. I want to protect what’s mine, but I also don’t want to scare her off. I can’t…not now. It only takes a single step to put myself in the path of one of them. The child bounces off my knee and continues unhindered, resilient little thing.

My ears twitch and I try not to flinch at the sudden vibration from the speaker above us. The smooth voice announces that the next dolphin show starts in five minutes. My eyes zero in one the poster on the wall advertising breakfast with the seals, the next feeding session is in thirty minutes.

Ugh, dolphins, seals. Aquatic creatures, born to roam that hungry void, all of them make my skin crawl. But I remember when Eloise told me about her birthday trip with her parents to feed the seals, she smiled so beautifully when she talked about it, I want to make this day special for her like that one was.

All three of the front desk cashiers print tickets as fast as possible. I only need to buy one ticket for the seal feeding; the ticket with the blue stripe on the end is for Eloise. Just a regular entry ticket will do for me. The cashier we manage to get is the least tired-looking. They print my order quickly.

“I thought you might like to feed the seals again.” I hold out a ticket. Eyes flicking down to double-check the stripe on the end, this is the right ticket for her.

The way she looks at it, expression soft and eyes bright, I missed that look. When her hands brush against mine, the warmth is…blissful. I’ll do anything to keep that look alive.

Several groups are moving through the last barrier beside us. It would be too easy to lose Eloise in this area. She doesn’t pull away when I touch her back. Warm muscle contracts and releases beneath my palm. I let go as soon as we’re through, giving her space again.

We meander around the tanks of brightly coloured tropical fish. I don’t like the way they look at me. Standing behind Eloise to give her the ‘best view’ feels better than standing by the glass. Her smile is so pretty. The sounds she makes as she marvels at them. I wonder what smile she’ll wear when she gets to feed the seals.

Twenty minutes to go.

Fifteen minutes.

Ten minutes.

Five minutes till the seal feeding. We need to go now to make it to the enclosure in time.

“Eloise. It’s time. Come on.”

I hold out my hand. She accepts it. It’s only two sections away.

Two professional seal handlers wait to greet the small group of lucky blue stripe ticket holders. Eloise is one of them.

“I’ll be waiting here for you.” It takes only the gentlest of urges to send her towards them. And then she’s gone.

The waiting is unsettling. I can’t see Eloise, she’s inside a room with animals roaming free. What if a seal is agitated and decides to bite the hand that feeds it?

Blood fuels the shift as I link more bones to the ones in my ear, amplifying every sound around me. I hear her. Twelve heartbeats. Water splashing. The slick draw of digits moving through oil. Laughter. Eloise’s laughter. Good, it sounds like she’s enjoying herself.

Finally, after what feels like forever. The door opens and the group all file out.

Oh. Eloise is smiling. It’s bright and warm and her cheeks are flushed.

“Did you like it?” Please say this was worth it. I need to hear you say it.

She nods. That’s good enough. It was worth it. She liked it.

“Were the seals well behaved?” Tell me about it, please, I want to hear everything. Her voice is my favourite music, the highs, the lows. I love her voice the best when it’s calm and you can hear the smile in it; like it is now.

Multiple school groups still roam the halls and tunnels. I stay close to Eloise. Keeping close enough to feel her warmth, but not touching. I remember how she tends to flinch whenever I touch her back, I can’t risk triggering any fear now, not while she’s so calm and happy.

Brightly coloured fish of all shapes and sizes swim in tanks filled with coral and fake castles and tunnels. Each exhibit is lit in different colours. Blue light casts everything in a rippling haze as we walk through a glass tunnel. The way the water casts rippling shadows over everything makes my eyes ache, but I like the way it falls over Eloise. The shimmers in her eyes are almost as mesmerizing as every smile she gifts me when she reads the fact signs out for me.

I let her lead us from exhibit to exhibit. From sign to sign. As we stop beside a tank, one sign captures her attention. I take the moment to admire the light shimmering on the strands of hair framing her face.

She smiles at me again. So pretty.

Wait. She said something. I missed it.

“What?”

She points at the sign. “Can you do that? Change colour.”

I finally study the brightly-coloured sign, the text states that Octopi can camouflage themselves by changing colour next to an image of a multi-coloured cartoon octopus happily peering out from a jar.

I can feel this face scrunch up as I weigh up the pros and cons of her request. On the one hand, we’re in public and I shouldn’t reveal anything here. On the other hand, Eloise is asking me about myself. She’s being curious about me. She wants to see part of the real me, and she doesn’t look scared as she asks. It feels so close to acceptance, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.

This feels like a good thing, but I’m not quite sure. I need to know if she really wants to see me shift. The feeling is reflected in this face as I look at Eloise. “Really?”

That was a nod, right? She really … really wants to see me change. Humans can’t change their shape or colour, but she wants to see me shift. Maybe this is good. She wants to know more about me.

I look at the sign. The cartoon octopus grins at us with dead eyes. I take a quick second to make sure no one’s looking at us, get a little closer to Eloise, and pull my sleeve up.

Focus on the forearm. Shift. Not everything, just that small patch. It’s too hard to focus on both holding this face and shifting my arm, so I relax this face into a mask and leave it still. The shapes within me don’t quite want to stretch that way, but I focus, forcing them out. Come on. Come on. Shift, change colour, be what I see. Not right. Imperfect. Almost there. I did it, it matches, good, now hold. Hold. Hold. She’s touching me.

The shapes fall apart, snapping back to their original forms before I quickly turn them over back into a mimicry of Cameron’s skin tone. I have to fight to stop my blood from pooling against the skin; shoving my sleeve back down to hide the rippling stretch. The partial shift has me itching to fully stretch out, I take a moment to breathe and focus.

Chattering voices grate on my ears, the sounds help me get my focus back. I move with Eloise as we avoid another gaggle of kids.

She’s looking at them. More concerned with not bumping into the youths than what she just saw. Is she really that comfortable with it … with me? I need to know for sure.

It only takes a short, forced exhale to catch her attention. I reach out my hand, just letting the back of mine brush against her wrist. Not trying to push and take her hand, I’ll let her come to me.

“Can I hold your hand?” I keep my voice soft, meant only for her. Tone neutral, not forceful, safe.

She moves. Oh. Her hand is so small, palm fitting perfectly in mine.

It’s warm.