Didn't I tell you before?
I'm afraid someone might push me while I'm on the swing.
Because instead of enjoying the moment, I start thinking about falling.
Instead of gazing at the horizon, I wait for the moment my feet will touch the ground—
so the swing can stop,
so it can sway gently,
just like I always do.
This is how I sway the swing with my bare feet, softly, lightly,
while I grip the ropes with both hands,
then give a slow push with one foot,
and it feels like a soft breeze is helping me, pushing me gently.
As I gaze softly into the distance,
a smile appears on my face from time to time.
It’s a good feeling,
even though loneliness visits me now and then.
But when I think about it…
It's not like I'm completely alone.
There’s a phantom that keeps me company—
but I don’t like when she tries to take over my place.
She’s kind of unsettling,
I mean, she’s ill-tempered and brings chaos into my space.
Even the colors turn dark when she’s around,
and black takes over everything.
Do you see? She’s sitting next to me, smiling.
How can she smile like that?
She always places her hand on the edge of her face when she smiles,
and she always arches her eyebrows a little while doing so…
Like this.
Did I manage to do it?
I just placed my hand beside my left eyebrow,
tilted my head slightly to the left too, and smiled.
Did you notice?
Even my dress almost turned red for a moment…
Ahh… she really is frightening.
Those wide eyes with their brown pupils—
the way they stare like that…
She almost took my place for a second.
What if we ever decided to leave this place?
Yes, I’m talking to you.
Here I am, tilting my head slightly backward, searching for my black-clad self—
that arrogant one.
Will you even answer me?
“Oh? Do you want to leave… or run away?”
Ugh… don’t speak in that smug tone while you’re in my place.
And also—don’t change the color of my dress without asking.
Was I supposed to ask you first?
I’m still on my swing, swaying gently…
But the moment I asked her, it felt like the breeze picked up strength—
even though there’s no real breeze here.
She even wears such a strong perfume that it lingers in the air...
Ugh… I shouldn’t have asked.
She’s just waiting for a chance—
a chance to take my place, like she’s done before.
Do I hate her?
Of course not.
It’s just that, honestly, it’s not just me.
It’s us.
We’re simply afraid of losing control of ourselves—
afraid of disappearing,
afraid this place where we support each other might vanish.
It’s not like she’s never stepped outside before…
She does, now and then.
But I’m like the red thread that ties her back to this place.
She mustn’t stay outside for too long—
because she’ll hurt someone.
And she’ll enjoy it.
Isn’t that right?
As I sway gently, I know you understand exactly what I mean.
It’s something deeper than love.
We don’t want to lose the one thing that connects us.
I never want our thread to break.
I know that even through all the darkness,
you stole my smile—
the one I’m still searching for.
But it’s okay.
I’ll learn how to smile again.
Isn’t that what you always try to do—
chasing after my pieces every time?
Ah…
It feels good to talk to yourself sometimes.
I had wished to swing beneath the sky tonight…
But I do love the pure whiteness of this place.
It’s enough that I added a tree, clothed in green.
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