Felix is stunned. Simply stunned.
He has no idea what Chan expected, honestly. Did he expect him to accept? That after days of radio silence, upon hearing that request, he would start jumping for joy? It’s unbelievable that Chan even asked him—waking up that morning and thinking, even for a second, that showing up at his door and asking him to dress up as a woman once more to satisfy his selfish needs was a good idea.
He must be stupid. Maybe he has a barely functioning IQ, and Felix never realized it, blinded by the affection he feels for him. But now it’s hard to ignore that someone like that might be completely out of touch with reality, if not totally deranged.
Felix wonders just how full of himself one has to be to think they have the right to make such demands. What kind of audacity did it take to do that, after using him, after deceiving him, after ignoring him? Chan had discarded Felix from his life like a used condom, tossing him away the moment he stopped being useful—that’s the truth. So how can he show up at his door now?

Felix has never been this furious in his life.
He thought he had reached the peak of his rage right after the party, but he was wrong.
This situation, clearly, sets new records.
"Get out of the way," he almost growls, shoving Chan’s shoulder with no kindness.
"Lix."
"Move, Chan."
But Chan doesn’t budge an inch. His expression doesn’t waver, his breath doesn’t quicken. The son of a bitch is calm, more calm than he’s ever been. He must have played this scene over and over in his mind, must have anticipated every possible reaction and prepared a counterattack in advance.
Chan’s hands grip Felix’s shoulders. He pushes him against the wall, and Felix jolts, his arms immediately bending, his palms pressing against Chan’s chest to push him away, to create just enough space between them to think clearly, to not give in to what has been bubbling inside him his whole life, deep in the ventricles of his heart.

He tries to push him away, but Chan stops him. He’s stronger, more solid. The gym has made the gap between their strengths immense, and Felix realizes he’s vulnerable, but his vulnerability is even more mental than physical. He hates that he loves him. He hates the ease with which he lets that man manipulate him. He wonders who the fool is between the two of them.
But, deep down, he already knows the answer very well.
"At least listen to me," Chan says.
Felix looks away. He doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to hear even a word. He knows that anything Chan tells him, there’s no way he can accept. It was horrible the first time; why repeat the experience?
"After the party… My mom was thrilled. I’ve never seen her so happy, so carefree. She’s convinced you’re my girlfriend, and this is changing our relationship. I had lost her trust for a long time; she used to call me a hardened womanizer, but now… Now her eyes light up when she speaks to me. She really thinks I’m settling down, and that makes her happy."

Felix doesn’t say anything. Not a word. Yet, his mind is already filling with unkind thoughts.
“In ten days, one of my cousins is getting married. It’s at a dream location, one of those places you see only in magazines that seem too beautiful to be real. She’s booked an entire resort, all-inclusive, and the kitchen is run by a renowned French Michelin-starred chef. It’s going to be a dream vacation, Felix. I promise you. You just have to agree to come with me.”
Felix raises his hand and presses it against his face. It’s all so absurd and paradoxical that he starts to genuinely believe this is some kind of hidden camera prank. He wonders where the cameramen are hiding. If he presses on Chan’s chest long enough, will he find a hidden mic? He almost hopes so.
“Let me get this straight. You’re moved by the fact that your mom was easily fooled, and instead of feeling like shit for leading her to believe you’re someone you clearly aren’t and will never be, you want to keep deceiving her by bringing me to your cousin’s wedding as your girlfriend?”
“Why do you have to make it sound like that? Felix, things aren’t like that.”
“They are exactly like that,” Felix retorts, pushing him with the tips of his fingers. “And you’re fooling yourself if you deny it. How many people do you want to humiliate and deceive to satisfy your selfishness?”

Chan pulls away from Felix as if burned. “Selfishness?!” he asks, offended.
Felix finds that reasoning amusing. But it’s not a healthy and clear amusement; it’s toxic, poisonous, sick.
“You’re an asshole,” he says, piling on.
Chan runs a hand through his hair. “Maybe you’re right about that. I am an asshole. So what? I never denied it. I just want my mom to enjoy the vacation and the wedding, not spend the whole time in a bad mood because I broke up again.”
"Broke up again?" Felix laughs almost hysterically. "You think this is some kind of kindness toward your mom, but it’s just the story you tell yourself. You’re selfish, Chan. Have you ever wondered how I feel, though?"
Chan falls silent, and that gives Felix the green light to explode.
“You used me. Do you realize that? Do you have any idea how much it hurt? And now you come here and expect me to be willing to do it again, just because you’re the one asking me.”
“I didn’t use you. Never. I was just drunk, hell, we were both drunk. And that… was a mistake. On both our parts. Don’t give it more importance than it deserves, please. Can’t we try to turn the page, start fresh?”
“For you, starting fresh means putting a wig on my head and expecting me to pretend for you in front of your whole family?”
“It’ll be fun, Lix. It’ll be a way to… make it right. I promise you. It won’t be anything like the party. We’ll have fun, you’ll have fun. You need a break, you need to get away from Seoul. And anyway, I’ll pay you for the trouble.”
“Ah, so now I’m becoming your whore, is that what you’re saying?”
"Lix," Chan says sternly. Then he massages his temples and adds, “I didn’t show up to work for a while, so... I’m just saying, I’m willing to pay you double what you would have made working, if you agree to come."

The bathroom repairs were damn expensive.
Felix hates himself for thinking it. He hates himself so much that he feels his stomach burn.
“Triple,” he says curtly.
“Deal,” Chan responds immediately.
“Actually, quadruple.”
Chan sighs and shakes his arms. “Quadruple, fine. I don’t care. So… is that a yes?”
Felix bites his lower lip almost torturing it. Will he regret it? Surely. In fact, he already does. He knows it will be a shitty vacation and that they’ll probably come out of it more broken than they are now, but hey, maybe it’s a bad thing that’s not coming to hurt him. First, he’ll settle his debts in the blink of an eye, and then he’ll figure out if Chan is someone he can still trust—someone he still wants in his life. By the end of this trip, he might have enough to easily decide to remove him from his life and relegate him to a memory, someone he talks about in the past tense. The alternative is to refuse, remain in debt, eat himself up inside, and maybe forgive Chan in a month or two, continuing to drag himself through that friendzone where he’s already taken up residence, and where they’ll probably make him mayor soon.
“I’m not doing this to do you a favor,” Felix says. “If you disrespect me, if you’re an asshole, if you make me feel humiliated…”
“It won’t happen,” Chan interrupts, confident.
“If it does, there won’t be another chance, Chan. If even one of those things happens, by the end of the trip, we’ll be strangers. I will never open the door for you again, I’ll never let you talk to me again. I’d be a complete stranger to you. Is that clear?”
“You think I want to lose you?” Chan asks, furrowing his brow. “I’m not that stupid. I’d never do anything like that, I’m serious. I know I haven’t shown it, but…”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” Felix cuts him off, exhausted. He hasn’t even stepped out of the house yet and already he can’t wait to return, crawl into bed, hug the pillow, and curse every decision he’s ever made in his life. “I don’t even want to repeat myself. Just say ‘yes.’ Is that clear?”
Chan hesitates. He closes his eyes, then shrugs. “Yes, it’s clear.”
Seconds pass in silence. Felix can’t even think. His mind is filled with a chaotic silence. After a while, he asks, “When do we leave?”
Chan brings his hand to his mouth, rubs the tip of his thumb against the corner of his lips, and looks Felix straight in the eye. “In three days.”
“What?”

“Three days is enough.”
“You’re fucking with me,” Felix laughs, then looks up at the sky and shakes his head. Out of all the assholes in the world, why did he have to find the worst one?
“I’ll talk to your boss.”
“What are you, my father now?” Felix asks, stunned. “I’ll talk to him. Just get out of my way. Seriously, Chan. Out of my house before I really lose it. I’ll see you in three days. Until then, I don’t want to hear from you or see you. Is that clear?”
It’s Chan’s turn to roll his eyes, exasperated. “Yes, sir. I’ll pick you up here at eight in the morning.”
Felix doesn’t say anything, walks toward the door, and swings it open. “You can go.”
“Lix.”
“What else is there?” Felix asks, impatient.
“‘Love you,” Chan says, making his puppy-dog face. It usually works. Not this time.
“Fuck off, Chan,” Felix replies. Both of them leave the apartment, slamming the door behind them with more force than necessary. Felix glances at the time. Shit. He won’t make it to the bus and will be late for work.
“Wait,” he says. Chan stops, already about to start descending the stairs.
“Give me a ride to work. You said you would.”
Chan flashes a smile. “Of course,” he says.
Who knows what sin Felix must have committed in his past life.
Whatever it was, it’s clear he’s paying for it. Bitterly.