Taehyung sips his hot coffee, standing by the floor-to-ceiling window overlooking Seoul. The sun casts a golden light over the layer of smog hovering between the skyscrapers. He blows on his cup before taking a small sip.
He and Jungkook live together now—yet they feel more distant than they did before the attack. It’s as if Miguk had succeeded, at least in that: separating them. The blade of his knife severed something between them, something that now seems lost. Taehyung wonders what it was. He sighs.
Jungkook doesn’t ignore him, not at all. They often eat together, especially at dinner, and sometimes they fall asleep on the couch, leaning against each other while watching TV. And yet, no matter how much Taehyung treasures those moments, the difference is impossible to ignore. They used to be like magnets, unable to resist each other. Now, their relationship feels platonic.
Since that first night together—right after Taehyung was discharged from the hospital—there haven’t been any others. Jungkook has grown distant, colder. It’s as if he’s afraid of something. At first, the uncertainty was enough to drive Taehyung insane—he couldn’t even begin to understand why. But slowly, piece by piece, he started to figure it out.
He spent two weeks in a coma. Life can change in the blink of an eye, so who knows how much can change in fourteen days—fourteen days in which Jungkook probably thought Taehyung would die or never wake up again. Maybe he got used to the idea of losing him, so much so that having him back now feels wrong. Maybe Jungkook has already moved on, turned the page, started a new chapter without waiting for him.
That night they spent together—was it a goodbye? A mistake? A moment of confusion?
If Taehyung opened his mouth and turned his thoughts into words, maybe he would finally get some answers. Maybe some of his doubts would become certainties, while others would remain mere speculations. And yet, he doesn’t feel like he has the right to ask. Jungkook is already doing more for him than anyone else would—does he really have the right to burden him with his own paranoia?
Sometimes Jungkook comes home with a guy. Other times, he comes home alone. Taehyung has learned to lock his heart away, pretending none of it matters. When Jungkook isn’t alone, Taehyung shuts himself in his room and puts on his headphones. He listens to Satie while reading eBooks on his phone. He tries to block out his thoughts, even though it’s hard—even though something stirs deep inside him at the mere thought of what’s happening beyond the door that shields him from the world.
"We need to meet," Jimin tells him one day over the phone. "Are you home? Mind if I drop by?"
Lately, Jimin has been just as elusive, but Taehyung doesn’t hold it against him—he’s been working a lot, especially since starting a new morning part-time job. It’s around two in the afternoon when Taehyung hears the entrance pin code being punched in.
Jimin, with his tousled blonde hair, peeks into the apartment. He’s wearing a big grin and holding a Starbucks bag.
"The snack fairy has arrived!" he announces with a smirk.
Taehyung gets up from the couch. "You didn’t have to," he says immediately, but the idea of eating something makes his stomach light up with enthusiasm. They say heartbreak kills your appetite, but if anything, Taehyung feels hungrier than usual.
Jimin walks over to the kitchen island. He’s wearing blue jeans, and attached to his belt loops are little plush keychains clipped with a silver carabiner. There are colorful beads spelling out letters and even an ID-style keychain with a photo of an idol inside. Taehyung can’t help but snort. Jimin is definitely over the top, but no one can say he doesn’t have style.
As Jimin starts unpacking the bag, Taehyung steps closer. There are two large paper cups, but what really catches his attention are the two thick slices of carrot cake. Starbucks' icing is one of his all-time favorite things—so he feels completely justified in poking his index finger into the frosting of the slice he claims as his own.
"I need to tell you something right away," Jimin says suddenly. Taehyung notices his impatience, but it’s a nervous kind—like when you get a bad grade on a math test and have to go home knowing your mom is waiting to hear how it went.
It’s contagious. That feeling.
Taehyung starts feeling nervous, too.
"What happened?" he asks, feeling his throat tighten. His heart starts racing in his chest, and he realizes—this isn’t normal. It’s not normal to be on the verge of a panic attack every time a leaf rustles in the wind.
Jimin, oblivious to the storm inside Taehyung, grabs his hands and squeezes them in his own. His bright eyes lock onto Taehyung’s with a serious expression. Then, he says, "I have a boyfriend."
Taehyung did not see that coming.
"What?" he asks, as if there’s a chance he might have misheard.
Jimin nods. "I’m serious. I have a boyfriend. Someone I’m seeing. He’s an alpha."
"What?" Taehyung repeats, even more incredulous. More than that, he’s confused. When did all of this happen? He wonders, momentarily forgetting that he spent half the month in a coma. "Wait, but… what about Yoongi?"
"Yoongi is… in the past," Jimin says, but something in his voice and expression tells Taehyung that’s not entirely true. "I don’t think he likes me. And besides, he’s human. You said it yourself, right? We could never fully understand each other."
Taehyung isn’t sure he’s ever said anything like that. He simply raises an eyebrow, watching Jimin with suspicion as he breaks off a piece of cake with his fingers and pops it into his mouth. "I thought you liked him a lot. But hey, I’m happy for you if you’ve finally escaped the friendzone—it’s a rough place to be." And Taehyung, especially lately, can definitely say he knows something about that. "So? This alpha? Who is he?"
Jimin picks up his matcha latte and takes a sip. "I met him at a bar. At first, neither of us wanted anything serious, but then… we just clicked. It’s not like we’re in love or anything—it’s still too soon for that—but we want to take our time, get to know each other better, just the two of us. It’s exclusive."
"Oooh. He must be really special if he managed to win you over so quickly," Taehyung says, and he hates that he has to force himself to sound happy for him. The truth is, he’s a little jealous. He doesn’t even know of what, exactly. "Got a picture?"
Jimin nearly chokes on his drink. "Yeah. But… not of his face."
"Oh, for fuck’s sake," Taehyung mutters, trying to banish the imaginary dick pics flashing behind his eyelids. He takes another bite of cake, then grabs one of the Starbucks cups for a sip of matcha latte. "So… you’ve been getting it on a lot, huh?"
Jimin winks at him. “Obviously. And what about you?”
That was just about the sorest spot he could have hit.
Taehyung lowers his head for a moment, then tries to look at Jimin with ease and nonchalance, as if none of this affects him in the slightest. “Me? No. Jungkook has shoved me into the spare room. Didn’t you know?”
Jimin’s eyes widen as he swallows his sip of matcha latte. He sets the cup down on the counter, slow and deliberate, before giving Taehyung a bewildered look. “You’re joking, right?”
“We’re basically roommates. Except I don’t pay rent.”
“He doesn’t touch you?”
“No,” Taehyung says with a shrug. “Maybe he lost interest? I mean, it makes sense. It’s not like there was ever anything real between us anyway.” The words slip from his mouth easily, rational, calm. So well-crafted that even he is unsettled by how convincingly they hide what he really feels. He didn’t think he was capable of masking his emotions this well—actually, he didn’t think he could do it at all.
“Well, if you’re not bothered by it, that’s great,” Jimin says, though he still looks slightly puzzled. “But listen… can I keep an eye out for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, maybe I could ask around, see if there’s anyone single and decent you could go out with.”
“No, thanks,” Taehyung replies immediately. “Last time I tried—” a replacement, he adds in his head, “—dating someone new, it didn’t exactly end well.”
“You’re not only going to run into psychotic assholes,” Jimin says, finally taking a bite of his own cake.
“You can’t know that.”
“It’s statistically very unlikely.”
“I don’t have great luck.”
“How dare you say that? You met me!”
Jimin winks at him again before bursting into laughter. Taehyung can’t help but be swept up in it. He feels better. He doesn’t even know how it happened, but it did. It’s like, for the first time in a while, all the heaviness weighing on him has lifted—like a small ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds. It’s nice. He’s missed this. It’s such an honest thought that he can’t keep it to himself.
“I missed you, you know?”
Jimin blinks. His eyes glisten for just a moment before, in a sudden burst of emotion, he throws his arms around Taehyung’s neck. “Oh, Tae! You have no idea how much I missed you! I was scared I’d lost you, you know that, right?”
The pin code beeps. The door swings open while they’re still tangled together—Jimin halfway emotional, all his little trinkets hanging from his belt loops clinking together.
Jungkook steps inside, kicking off his shoes. He’s not alone. When he sees Taehyung and Jimin hugging, his brows furrow.
“What’s going on in here?”
"Who are they?" the guy beside him immediately asks, a slight frown on his face.
He’s cute—very young, bobbed hair, pale skin, and an air of spoiled arrogance. Taehyung dislikes him instantly. It’s instinctive, something he feels in his bones.
"My best friend and…" Jungkook glances at Taehyung.
For a single, horrifying second, Taehyung realizes Jungkook doesn’t even know how to describe him. What is Taehyung to him, anyway? At best, a nuisance.
“…Taehyung.”
"I have a name too, you know!" Jimin protests, pulling away from Taehyung.
Taehyung doesn’t miss the way Jimin looks the other guy up and down. His stomach twists at the sight of it—at the jealousy and possessiveness so clearly written on Jimin’s face. It almost offends him. He shouldn’t be feeling things like this about Jungkook. And yet, it’s so blatant that it feels like a slap in the face.
For just a second, just one, he wonders if Jimin is in love with Jungkook. Maybe just a little. Just a crumb of a feeling. He hopes not. He really does. He needs to see Jimin as a friend. A hollow sensation settles in his stomach, nausea creeping in. He almost feels like he might throw up.
"Nice to meet you, I’m Jimin."
"Yuta," the guy replies.
Taehyung doesn’t even look at him. The exchange feels like lines from a script, like the three of them are nothing more than actors on a stage.
"I told you to give me a heads-up before coming over," Jungkook scolds Jimin.
"I didn’t come to see you."
"Even more reason to let me know."
"Am I not allowed to visit Tae now?"
"In case you forgot, this is my house."
"I helped you pick it out, believe me, I know."
Taehyung crosses the hallway and locks himself in the bathroom. Maybe he slams the door a little, but it’s not intentional. The nausea is awful. Overwhelming. His head spins, and his wound throbs deep in his abdomen.
The doctors told him to avoid stress. Sure, he’s a little stressed right now, but is this really enough to make him turn pale as a ghost? He catches sight of himself in the mirror and nearly startles. He splashes cold water on his face, breathing in deeply, again and again. Then, finally, he steps out.
"You okay?" Jimin asks right away, worry lacing his voice.
Taehyung nods. But Yuta raises a skeptical brow. "You’re pale as a corpse."
"Are you sure you’re alright?" Jungkook joins in.
Taehyung nods again. "Yeah… my wound just hurts a little. Maybe I should lie down."
Nods, murmurs of agreement, voices full of concern. Taehyung hears them all distantly. He thanks them, then shuts himself in his room.
And just like that, the world falls silent.
The nausea doesn’t fade. The pain pulses. His head feels hazy. He lies down, breathing slowly, the way he was taught as a kid when anxiety made him want to throw up.
Jimin was so kind to him. He doesn’t deserve to be ditched in the middle of their afternoon together.
Why did Jungkook come home early, anyway? And why does he have to deal with his hookups now, of all times?
It’s too much.
Too much.
Taehyung knows it. He feels it.
There’s something wrong with him. Something new. Something deeply, profoundly different.
He just doesn’t know what it is.
And that terrifies him.
But fear…
Fear is an emotion he’s starting to live with.
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p a t r e o n . c o m / r a n s i e
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