The night drags on slowly, each tick of the clock passing one by one, until morning.

The window lets in a pale, milky light that floods the room. Outside, the sky is completely overcast. Taehyun keeps his eyes half-closed. They're red and lined with deep dark circles — he barely managed to sleep last night.

He wants to shake off the unease that's been weighing on him, but it feels impossible. Jungkook's words have shaken him more deeply than he ever imagined, and finding out about his past relationship with Jimin has only made things worse.

In moments like this, he can't help but realize how little he knows him, how little he understands him, and how fragile and laughable his feelings are. He brings a hand to his chest, where his heart beats steadily, weakly. He wonders why something like this had to happen to him — Taehyun thinks he could have lived just fine without discovering the turmoil of love.

Get up. Accept it. Turn the page. Start over.

These are simple steps, at least on paper. He thinks he can manage. He thinks that if he gets through this phase of his life, he'll become strong enough to face whatever the future has in store — hoping it'll be only good things, because he desperately needs them.

He sits up on the bed. His messy hair falls forward over his face. Taehyun tries to focus on simple things, like the feel of the sheets beneath his fingers, or the way the mattress bends and cradles his body. Even the silence is comforting to him. He listens to the house and almost feels like he can sense it breathing, as if it were a sentient being, the only truly impartial witness to all of this.

When he places his feet on the soft rug and stands up, he mentally checks off the first item on his short to-do list for getting back on track.

"Accept it" is the second point. That won’t be as easy.

Yet, it’s probably the most necessary one of all.

Given how things stand now, it would be better to do it quickly — to get the idea out of his mind that anything is still possible, still salvageable. And if he can’t do that, then he’ll have to pretend it’s true — pretend until it becomes real. He thinks he can do it. He thinks he can play a role, like an actor stepping on stage.

He slips on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He’s hungry, really hungry. His stomach growls in protest, as if it’s been fasting for days.

He leaves the room, his legs heavy as lead, as if they want to stop him. He ignores them. He ignores the quickening beat of his heart, too, growing anxious. He knows what he fears — Jungkook. Because Jungkook has become an incredibly easy weakness to strike at, inside him. But when he reaches the living room, he realizes that the silence that fills the house isn’t peace, but absence.

Jungkook isn’t here.

Taehyun walks toward the kitchen and turns on the coffee machine. He tries to shut his mind off from every thought, but it’s easier said than done. He doesn’t even know where his mind wants to run: Jungkook and Yuta? Jungkook and his scene with Sunwoo? Or Jungkook and his damn relationship with Jimin?

He closes his eyes. Fills his lungs. Breathes deeply, then holds the air. He lets it slip out slowly. None of those things matter. Jungkook isn’t his problem. He isn’t. He shouldn’t be, and he shouldn’t treat it like he is.

Turn the page.

He adds two sugar cubes to his coffee, then grabs a chocolate snack from the pantry. He walks to the large windows that overlook Seoul and stares outside. He takes a sip of coffee.

He really should do it. He should take advantage of this unexpected gift fallen from the sky and try to see if things could work with Sunwoo — and, most of all, figure out if the alpha in question actually wants to see him again. It would be easier to get Jungkook out of his head if he had someone else to focus on. And as terrible and childish as it may sound, deep down in his heart, he believes it’s really that simple.

He takes his phone out of his pocket. He bites his lip, then decides to message Sunwoo. He only sends a smiley, really. The image of a smiling face. He feels terribly stupid for doing it. He’s about to throw the phone on the couch, embarrassed, when it vibrates in his hands.

“Good morning! I was just thinking about you,” the message reads.

Taehyun can’t help it. He feels his cheeks immediately flush. He sits down on the couch, drawing his legs to his chest. The steaming cup of coffee starts to cool gradually, while the snack, only bitten a couple of times, remains set aside next to it.

“Really? What were you thinking about?”

“That last night was a total mess. How are you? Feeling better?”

Ah, the embarrassment. Taehyun would do anything to erase from Sunwoo’s memory what he saw — too bad it’s impossible.

“Better. Much better. In the end, nothing serious happened, just the usual scuffles between omegas,” he says, trying to downplay it, as if he didn’t actually get into a physical altercation with Yuta. What a disaster.

“Doesn’t matter, let’s not talk about it anymore. Got any plans for lunch?”

“Actually, no,” Taehyun types quickly, his heart already beating a little faster. He knows exactly what’s about to happen. And he likes it, a lot.

“How about having lunch together, then?”

Taehyun presses the phone against the couch and stares at an indeterminate spot in front of him, forcing himself not to smile. It doesn’t mean anything, he reminds himself. It’s just an invitation. Or rather, a great opportunity to shake off some of that unease that’s been lingering inside, which, of course, wouldn’t be a bad thing at all.

After taking a couple of deep breaths, he picks up his phone again and types.

“Sure. Where shall we meet?”

***

Sunwoo is beautiful. He has a sweet beauty that reminds Taehyung of blooming fields in spring and the scent of freshly baked cakes. Taehyung reaches the table at a Thai restaurant located right in the heart of the city — a rather modest place, considering its great location. It’s run by Thai people who moved to Seoul just over a decade ago — their thick accent makes the experience even more authentic.

They both order an endless amount of food, and soon their small dark wood table is covered with steaming dishes that release delicious smells. Taehyung grabs a couple of shiny metal chopsticks and picks up a bite of turmeric rice and an almond. "I didn’t think you’d ask me to meet up," he confesses.

Sunwoo looks up from his dish — a coconut milk curry soup with chicken — and frowns, puzzled. "Why not?"

Taehyung shrugs. "Yesterday was a disaster, and-"

"That's not true," Sunwoo cuts him off. "It was pleasant. Especially after. You’re a lovely person, and you’re... smart, full of interests. I like you."

So direct.

Taehyung nearly chokes on a grain of rice that goes down the wrong way. He coughs, embarrassed, which makes Sunwoo laugh, and God, even his laugh is perfect. A series of bright white teeth, shining.

"Sorry — I didn’t mean to make you choke — slow down. Breathe!" Sunwoo says, still chuckling.

Taehyung drinks a glass of cold water in a couple of quick sips, then squints his eyes, embarrassed. "No, it’s just that — I have this habit of eating quickly," he justifies, though it’s probably the least believable excuse in the history of unconvincing excuses. "Oh my god. This is so embarrassing," Taehyung says, pressing a hand to his face as he tries to ease his embarrassment with a laugh.

“You’re cute. Really cute,” Sunwoo says, turning up the charm. There's a mischievous smile on his lips. “Even though…”

Taehyung looks up, intrigued by that unfinished sentence.

“Even though?” he asks. Sunwoo smiles, as if he’s only too happy to tease him and spark his curiosity like this.

“Even though I wonder about those sad eyes of yours.”

Sad?

Taehyung widens his eyes just slightly. He wasn’t expecting that. He sets his chopsticks down on the napkin and sighs. “Don’t you think it’s a bit early for this kind of talk?”

Sunwoo shrugs. Taehyung doesn’t know why, but Sunwoo is so... crystal clear, genuine, that he doesn’t even find his attempt to break through his walls offensive in the slightest. “Actually, I think the look in my eyes today is because of the almost sleepless night I had,” he adds right after. “I’m not very good at handling tension, and, to top it off, right before bed I found out something I never wanted to know, so…”

“Is it about that alpha? Jungkook?” Sunwoo asks, bluntly.

Taehyung hesitates for a moment. “Like I said, I really think it’s too soon for…”

“I want to get to know you, Tae. Respecting your pace, of course, but I want to know you. And I think the only way to do that is to talk about everything, before it gets too awkward. But I understand if you don’t want to open up first. So, if you’re up for it… I can tell you something about me.”

“Alright. Let’s do that then,” Taehyung gives in, shaking his head just slightly.

Sunwoo takes a piece of chicken between his lips and chews quickly. Taehyung watches him — he has broad shoulders, slightly sculpted by the gym, and strong arms, though not muscular. He’s obviously an alpha, every cell of his body screams it, but he doesn’t have that aggressive and dangerous edge typical of one. Taehyung thinks someone like Sunwoo might actually be able to protect him. At least from the demons inside him that make him feel inadequate and insecure most of the time.

He wants it so badly.
He desperately wants to cling to someone who can make him feel like he’s okay, like he’s enough…
The thought tightens his throat, so he takes another sip of water.

“I’ve had three relationships, all of them fairly serious,” he says. “The last omega I was with — I could’ve marked him, I’m serious. Now, I’m glad I didn’t, but back then, I really thought he was the one I’d spend my whole life with,” he says. And for a moment, Taehyung sees something in Sunwoo’s eyes that hesitates, wavers. Instinctively, he reaches out a hand and brushes Sunwoo’s with his fingers. Sunwoo lifts his head and gives a small, faint smile. “But he experienced the heat in a violent, animalistic way. Being bound to just one alpha was a suffering he couldn’t put into words, but I could hear it in the tone of his voice, in the way he acted. It almost seemed like he was wilting, at my side. Even though we loved each other, our needs were different. He needed an harem. I needed a stable, exclusive relationship. Breaking up was painful, but necessary.”

Taehyung stays silent. He’s not sure what to say. He’s heard about omegas joining harems of alphas, but he always thought it was something more tied to an individual’s perversions, rather than a biological need that could make you feel sick.

“When I saw him leave the house, I didn’t shed a single tear. I was so angry — I thought his leaving was an act of selfishness. Whatever it was, I was forced to accept it. It was awful. I realized I was weaker than I had ever thought, and I started drinking. I stopped studying, stopped hanging out with friends — I just stayed home, in what had been our room. I watched the sun rise and set against the walls as I tried to keep the memories of what we had alive. When they started to fade, I panicked. I was forgetting him, he was slipping away from me… It felt like a tragedy,” Sunwoo says.

His voice is steady, calm. Sunwoo’s fingers intertwine with Taehyung’s, and Taehyung instinctively holds his breath. “I couldn’t understand it, but I was healing. That intense, desperate love had strengthened my heart right after it had shattered it. Before I even realized it, I was okay again. I left that apartment and found some roommates — I threw myself into my studies and swore I’d never get attached to any omega again, never.”

“I...”

“Wait,” Sunwoo says, tightening his grip on Taehyung’s hand. The grip is firm, warm. “I don’t think I can live without someone by my side. Call me weak or childish, but loving is too beautiful to be afraid of. I’d rather my heart be broken a thousand times, than for it to grow cold, to turn to stone.”

“Sunwoo...” Taehyung has to take a deep breath. He feels… dazed. He doesn’t even know what’s making him feel this way. Maybe it’s the intensity and honesty of Sunwoo’s words... they disorient him. They’re exactly the words he would have wanted to hear from Jungkook — but if Jungkook had said those words, then maybe he wouldn’t have been Jungkook. “...Do you really think you can handle it? It hurt so much the first time, right? You said so yourself. You started drinking, you were depressed, wasting your days away... How can you think it’s worth it?”

“I was like that because I lost something beautiful,” Sunwoo says. “Of course I was hurting. But how good had I been, before it ended? Being afraid of losing love and then depriving yourself of it is like being afraid of death and therefore refusing to live.”

My god.

Where did this guy come from?

Taehyung is so stunned that he doesn’t know what to say. Sunwoo isn’t just beautiful, intelligent, and kind, but also deep, with a poetic view of love that makes his stomach churn. Taehyung lowers his face. Suddenly, he feels so insignificant next to him. And at the same time, so drawn to him — but in a different way than with Jungkook.

It’s not physical, or biological.
It’s not a need.
It’s just the desire to see that sun shine closer, to warm himself with its light.