Joyce sat up blinking away the fuzziness of sleep. She half expected to wake up in the repair bay with Cas sleeping by her bed. No, the room was hers, not the repair bay. Cas wasn’t there, she couldn’t be. She was dead now. 

Lost in thought Joyce stared at the blank wall of her room. She didn’t know how many people she’d killed over that last year on Earth. They’d come looking for trouble and knew what that meant in the harsh wasteland. Joyce didn’t feel bad about having to do her job but she did wonder how many people were left in mourning like she was now. Her thoughts drifted to Jake. That was the only time she’d killed someone she knew. That one she did feel guilty for. If she wasn’t so dismissive of him would he have still betrayed The Colony? Perhaps he would have and Joyce wouldn’t have had the will to do what needed to be done, or perhaps not. 

I should be better than I am, Joyce thought as she glanced around her unusually messy room. Especially now.

She was a prickly person, she knew that much about herself. It was surprising she was able to find people who could put up with that. Maybe she could get along better with people who irritated her if she learned how to go with the flow. Joyce had been better about such things with Cas around, far from perfect, but better. Sense her death she’d been spiraling downward. She was losing the person she became over the past few years. Worst of all, she felt like she had to talk to someone, yet she also didn’t want to. 

Rip off that bandage. Just like talking to Security Chief Kory. She scolded herself. If you're strong enough to fight, you're strong enough to talk about feelings.

Joyce pulled up a menu on her HUD and scrolled through her contacts. Some were for physical phones others were for drones who had their phones built into their hardware, like Joyce. Joyce looked through the small list of names. Most of them were for her old job in case they needed to get a hold of her. She found the name she was looking for. Grease, and gave them a call.

The communicator rang in her head.

Then Grease answered. “Hey Joyce! Long time no see! What's up?”

“Hey…” She trailed off. Grease waited patiently for quite some time for Joyce to find her words.

Anger at herself built within Joyce. Being vulnerable was difficult for her. Especially when she thought it made her look weak. Yet she struggled to say the words.

“Do you have time to meet up? I need some advice.” Joyce said, harsher than what she meant.

“Yeah  I do, just gotta finish some work here in the greenhouses. I should be home in a couple of hours if you want to meet me there.” They said unfazed by Joyce’s tone. 

“Sure, I’ll see you then.”

She disconnected the line. Then cringed at herself. Just hanging up without a goodbye was rude. Grease deserved better than that. Joyce spent the next couple of hours pacing back and forth in her room. She had no idea how to approach talking about the thoughts torturing her mind.

—

Amalgam was pissed. Furious. Livid. The survey crew's leadership was forcing her to have a partner. Her! Amalgam didn't need or want someone following her around all day babysitting her. Especially one of those military types. She doubted any of them would be of actual use outside of killing things.

Instead of festering inside the colony ship, Amalgam made her way to the colony wall. There was a grate in the wall for water to drain out when it rained. There were several actually, all at different points along the wall. Amalgam made her way to one she knew was out of the way. The biggest risk was security catching her. People were only allowed outside the colony walls on official duties, like hunting, foraging,  logging, expeditions, and whatever else the others did. Amalgam only ever went out on expeditions, whether they were sanctioned or not. 

But it's dangerous out there, Amalgam thought in a mocking tone followed by an eye roll. Maybe if you're a scrub who doesn’t pay attention.

As she approached her makeshift colony exit Amalgam started to focus on the people around her. There were a few but most were inside the greenhouses. They appeared to be focused on their tasks, whatever they may be, paying Amalgam no mind. Her eyes scanned the wall looking for security that might be paying attention. One guard was looking down into the colony and clocked Amalgam. They waved a greeting and she waved back, not wanting to draw suspicion. The guard went back to their patrols and Amalgam found the timing to move. She didn’t run, that would be attention grabbing. She walked, ducked behind the greenhouses and crawled into the drainage grate, slipping out of the colony. 

—

Joyce knocked on the door to Grease’s room. 

“It’s open,” He yelled through the door. 

Joyce passed through the entryway. Grease’s room was a similar size to hers. And it had the exact same layout. Just as all rooms for one did. The furniture though had been rearranged. They had their desk over by the window with a variety of small plant life growing out of pots. Flowers from Earth. Most were some variety of red but some white purple and blues found their way into the mix. All surrounded by the strange green leaves and stems. Joyce couldn’t name them, she wasn’t an expert on plants.

Robigus’ plant life was mostly fungal and the most common colors were a variety of oranges, browns, reds, whites, and pinks. Despite Joyce being from Earth and remembering the green leaves of trees, that had only been in the first year of her life. The factory only had a few small ones planted along the perimeter roads. More were probably throughout the city but Joyce never got to see them. The first time she left the factory was when they left the planet. So the green plants had started to feel more alien than the natural wildlife on Robigus. 

The rest of Grease’s furniture had been pushed off to the sides of the room. Clearly the main focus was the plants and he didn’t want to draw away from that. Grease sat on his couch with a couple of bottles in his hands. He had painted his plates green and wore dirty blue overalls, a straw hat lay discarded beside him.

“Figured you might want one of these,” They said, passing a bottle to Joyce.

“What's in it?” She asked.

“Booze of course!”

The bottle was more akin to a large wine bottle than a beer bottle. Joyce popped it open and took a swig of the beverage. Her insides burned with warmth as the liquid made its way down to her stomach. She plopped on the couch a comfortable distance away from Grease when a notification appeared.

You have consumed alcohol. Would you like to feel the effects of alcohol? Y/N

Joyce gave the mental assent.

You will now feel the effects of intoxication. You can change this in your settings.

Once again Joyce was baffled by the choices the person who originally designed her model had made. Who makes it so a drone can get drunk? Clearly an insane person.

“So how have the farms been?” Joyce asked, not really sure how to start.

“Not as well as I would like,” They replied glumly. “Earth plants don’t like Robigus’ soil. It takes an immense amount of work to get our food staples to grow. We’ve been running multiple experiments in an attempt to fix it. The results have been mixed. Domesticating local plant life has proven difficult and our crossbreeding attempts are… in progress.”

“Are we producing enough food?”

“Eh… Between leftover reserves, hunting, gathering, and the small amounts of food we successfully grow we’re getting by. Unfortunately our food reserves won’t last forever. I’m actually trying this experiment with genetic modification and crossbreeding I’m hopeful about…”

Grease went into a long animated explanation about their current project. Most of it went over her head but Grease seemed excited about it. If it works out the colony would have a consistent source of food that wasn’t dependent on animal migration patterns and seasons. Really anything that would let them store non perishables would be good. 

Like Earth, Robigus had four seasons. Instead of keeping the names of Earth's seasons they were renamed to be more descriptive of their most common weather patterns. The current season was The Invigorate. It was named this because the plants from Earth grow best in this season and the temperature was pleasant. According to Grease this still wasn't well. Next was The Blistering, the hottest and driest portion of the year. Following that is The Spore. Named after the various spore clouds that drift through the air during their reproductive cycle. Finally there is The Frigid, it was cold and rainy. Fortunately at the colony it didn’t get cold enough to snow. 

“... But you didn't come here to listen to me ramble about plants,” Grease said, interrupting Joyce’s attempt at distracting herself. “What's on your mind?”

Grease of course could guess what was on her mind but they smiled gently as they asked. They hadn't spoken since Cassandra's funeral a few weeks ago. They wouldn't be entirely wrong in their guess either. Cas was always on her mind and she did miss her. A lot.

“How do you do it?” Joyce asked, “Stay calm and go with the flow?”

“That's what you want to know!” Grease laughed out.

Joyce's visor flushed green and her eyebrows furrowed.

“There's been a lot of change lately!” She said defensively, “I don't know how to handle it! I just want to scream and punch things despite knowing I can't!”

That would be incredibly unprofessional and she would never allow herself to snap like that. She took another swig of her drink.

“It's perfectly normal to be angry after losing someone. Cassandra was my friend. I'm upset she's gone too.”

“Yet you seem so… normal. Is it because we were more than friends?”

“I'm not normal,” Grease sighed. “I've thrown myself into work to distract myself and I barely take breaks. If you didn't call I'd still be in the greenhouses. Also, you had a deeper emotional connection with her. Of course you have some big feelings. It would be weird if you didn't.”

“I haven't been able to focus on work,” Joyce confessed. “So much so that I've been transferred to the survey crews.”

Grease’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“That doesn't seem like somewhere you put a person because they're distracted.” They said, “wouldn't they just have you scrub the locker rooms or something?”

“Normally yeah,” she snorted.

“So it's probably unrelated! It does suck though. That'd be like moving me from farming to hunting! I hate that!”

“You'd be terrible at it. I can't imagine you hurting an insect.”

“True!” They said cheerfully, “maybe this could be the distraction you need! It'll get you out of your own head!”

“Maybe,” Joyce said through her drink.

She was silent for some time. Staring at the wall on the other side of the room. The silence sat between the pair. 

“When was the moment you fell for Cas?” Grease asked, cutting the quiet.

“Huh?”

“When was the moment you fell for Cas?”

“Like in love?”

“Yeah! What else would I mean?”

“Hmmmm…” she hummed, pondering how to respond. “I would say there wasn't a singular moment. It was gradual. From the way she encouraged me to try new things to supporting me when I was experimenting with who I wanted to be. Her smile brightened the room and her touch was gentle and warm. It was a shock when I realized what I felt was love. I didn't think I was capable of it.”

“I was hoping for something like you might see in a romcom. Like you slipped on a banana peel and she caught you in her arms.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” she snorted. “Also, she absolutely would have dropped me or been crushed. We're not exactly light.”

They laughed and drank some more.

“How about the moment you realized you were in love?” Grease asked.

Again she thought about it for a moment before answering. 

“We were in the library working on a project for a programming class she convinced me to take with her.” Joyce said, a smile creeping on her face in recollection, “I looked over at her and thought she looked stunning lit by the computer screen. I was mesmerized as she focused on her code. I thought, damn I could kiss her. Processed what I just thought and verbally said ‘well shit.’ She was confused by my statement, but at the time I played it off saying I had no idea what I was doing, in reference to the programming. She gave me some tips!”

“In reality you had no idea how to pursue a romantic relationship, not programming,” They teased.

“Correct,” she laughed.

They swapped stories about Cas back and forth for a few hours. Sometimes laughing, sometimes crying. During that time they polished off their bottles. Both had staggered gates and slurred words.

“Thaankss Grease, yooour ah good frien,” Joyce said.

“Aaany timee!” They replied, “Good lllluck at yoour newww job!”

With that they parted ways for the evening.

—

Joyce, having slept through most of the day, didn't want to return to her charging pad. Instead she made her way over to the greenhouses. There were several but she was there for one in particular. The Garden of the Lost. 

This is where the dead were put to rest, at least the humans. They weren't buried, the people of the colony were cremated. The ashes would then be mixed with some other stuff to help plants grow. Joyce didn’t know the process but it was how they rejuvenated the dead soil back on Earth for hydroponics. The tradition was carried throughout the journey through space and now here. 

This ash mixture wasn't only spread in The Garden of the Lost but all throughout the greenhouses. This was just the place for the colonists to mourn and visit the dead.

Joyce stumbled her way through the garden. Here there were plants mostly from Earth with a few that were native mixed in. None of these plants grew food; they were just here to look pretty. Most of Earth's plant life struggled to grow on Robigus, fortunately quite a bit of the non-food plants were able to take root. There were even several saplings that had taken to the soil and started to grow. Joyce already thought the mixture of plants, gazebos, benches, and pathways was stunning but couldn't help imagine what it would look like when the trees grew large.

Sitting in one of the gazebos Joyce wished she could speak to Cas. Talking with Grease was nice but everything would be so much easier if she was still here. She probably would have taken the job transfer a lot better. Unfortunately she couldn’t. 

But what if I could, she thought.

She did have programming skills. The Star’s Embrace definitely had an AI chatbot somewhere. Could she perhaps train one using her memories of Cas?

No. She couldn’t do that.

But perhaps…

No!

There's only one way to know for sure…

No.

It could be a project to distract yourself…

Well… no.

It might bring Cassandra back…

Joyce stood up. Sitting here wasn't helping. She needed to walk. And if she happened to make her way to the library and look for a chatbot, so be it.