Donovan

Jeremy didn’t say anything for a second. He just looked at me like he was trying to read something between the lines. His thumb lightly tapped on the sand between us, a subtle motion that seemed to echo the unspoken thoughts hanging between us.

I shifted uncomfortably in the sand, running my fingers through it, letting the grains slip through my fingers. "Being here with you like this… it’s strange. Feels like no time passed and too much time passed all at once."

Jeremy nodded slowly, his gaze still fixed on me, like he was waiting for me to say more. “Yeah.”

I rubbed my hands over my knees, nervous energy building in my chest. “There’s something I want to say, and I don’t want it to sound weird.”

He tilted his head a little, curious but quiet.

“I’m going to follow you back on Instagram.”

He blinked, then snorted. “That’s the big confession?”

“I mean, yeah—but also…” I glanced at him, already regretting opening my mouth. “I used to… kind of stalk your page. Not in a creepy way. Just—scrolling. Checking your stories. Seeing if you were okay. What you were up to.”

His lips twitched into a half-smile. “That’s not weird.”

“It feels weird,” I muttered. “I didn’t want to message or like anything and make things harder for either of us, but I couldn’t help it. I missed you. Even when I told myself I shouldn’t.”

Jeremy looked at me for a long second. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because I want to be honest. Even if it makes me feel stupid or embarrassed or whatever. I don’t want there to be a filter between us anymore. I want you to know me for real.”

His expression shifted—softening, settling. “Thank you for telling me.”

I let out a shaky breath, not sure where to start, but knowing I had to.

“This past year, I watched you. Not directly. Not really. But I’d see you through other people’s posts, tagged photos, little glimpses. And then your page… you were doing well. You looked happy.” I kept my eyes down, watching the way my fingers traced patterns in the sand.

Jeremy's brows knit just slightly, his lips pressing into a line. “I had no idea you were keeping track, since you never replied to me message.”

I paused, trying to find the right words, but they came out more “I saw it, but I panicked. What could I say? I remember pacing in my room trying to find the right words to say.”

He offered a soft smile. “I’m just teasing you, It's okay. I probably would not even know what to say if you did."

I nodded, almost laughing at the awkwardness of it. “It’s funny, though. I was stalking you through your Instagram, trying to figure out your life from the outside. But you… you were doing the same thing, weren’t you?”

Jeremy smiled a little, his lips curling up in the corners. “I mean, I’m not exactly proud of it, but yeah. I used to check your page every now and then. Just to see if you were okay, if you were happy. It was like watching from the sidelines, trying to make sense of everything.”

“I guess it's fair now, right?” I said, my voice quieter, but the smile that pulled at my lips felt like a relief. “How we both were too scared, but we were still there, in the background, wondering about each other.”

“Yeah, it is,” Jeremy said, the smile still lingering as he reached for my hand. His fingers brushed against mine, and I didn’t pull away.

“It also feels kind of stupid, doesn’t it? We could’ve talked. We could’ve been real with each other, but we both chose the distance.”

I nodded, squeezing his hand. “We were both scared. But now we’re here. And I think... I think we should stop holding back.”

Jeremy’s thumb gently rubbed over my hand, his eyes steady as he looked at me. “You’re right.”

I smiled, feeling a wave of warmth flood through me. “It’s okay. We’re here now. And that’s what matters.”

Jeremy leaned closer, his shoulder brushing against mine, his voice softening. “I missed you. More than I realized.”

The words caught me off guard, and for a moment, I didn’t know how to respond. All I could do was squeeze his hand tighter, letting that silence fill the space between us, knowing we were finally on the same page.

“Don’t let my words phase you. I still want to hear you talk. How was your experience abroad? Tell me about the parts that I didn’t see.”

I shifted, my voice turning more serious. “I struggled a lot while I was there. Not just with the people there, but with myself.”

Jeremy’s gaze softened, his lips parting slightly as he waited for me to continue. “What do you mean?”

“I thought being somewhere new would make it easier to exist. That I’d feel like I belonged. But it was still hard to make friends. I still felt like an outsider.” I looked down at my hands, the weight of the words heavy on my chest.

Jeremy’s eyes didn’t leave me, though. “It’s not easy,” he said quietly. “Not for anyone.”

I smiled faintly, my voice quiet as I spoke again. “I spent a lot of time looking inward, trying to figure out what parts of myself I was hiding. I struggled with being open, being soft, being feminine. I let it get buried because I thought if I didn’t, people would see me as weak.” I paused, my fingers tracing small circles in the sand. “I still feel like I’m coming to terms with that part of me.”

Jeremy’s thumb moved over my hand, a steady comfort. “You’re not weak,” he said firmly, his voice low and serious. “And you’re not alone in this. You never have been.”

I looked at him, really looked at him. His eyes were soft, understanding, but there was something else in them. Something that made me feel safe, even with all the messiness inside me.

We sat there in silence for a while, the world around us growing quieter as the sky turned darker. The only sounds were the distant waves and the rustling of the wind through the trees.

Finally, I let out a breath, the words coming easily now. “I used to be obsessed with flowers, remember? I couldn’t go a week without getting some.”

Jeremy grinned. “Yeah, I remember. You practically had a flower crown every day… until you didn’t. Did you ever pick them up again? Holland is known for their beautiful flowers.

I smiled, but it didn’t reach my eyes. “I did not.”

“Why?”

“I told myself it was just a phase, a hyperfixation, but the truth is, I stopped because of the way people looked at me. The way they talked about me behind my back.” I let out a sigh. “It hurt more than I realized. I tried to shut that part of myself off.”

Jeremy’s expression softened, his hand tightening around mine. “I’m sorry that happened. You shouldn’t have stopped. You should’ve kept doing what made you happy.”

“I miss that version of me,” I said quietly, my voice tinged with regret. “The one who didn’t care what anyone thought. The one who talked about flowers like they were the most important thing in the world.”

Jeremy leaned closer, his forehead resting gently against mine. “I think that version of you is still there.”

I smiled, a little teary-eyed, but thankful. “Maybe. Some day.”

“That’s my hope for you someday. You always looked so beautiful with flowers in your hair.”

I tried to blink the tears away as he stared into my eyes, I tried separating us, but he pulled me into him, his arms wrapping around me, holding me close in a way that felt so right.

“You don’t have to do that with me.”

“I know.” My throat felt tight. “That’s why I’m here.”

 “I’m glad you’re here too,” he said.

I looked back at him, and for a second, everything softened. My eyes burned, but I didn’t look away. “It’s so easy to talk to you. I missed this. I missed you.”

“I missed you so much. I don’t ever want to let you go again. Please don’t let me go.”

I let myself melt into him, not resisting for a second, feeling like I could finally breathe again. My head rested against his shoulder, the world around us quieter, like everything else had fallen away.

We stayed like that for a while. No words. Just the feeling of being together again, the weight of the past year lifting with every breath.