Now what did I come in here for? Right my briefing tablet. Selene was probably waiting for me. That damn guy took too much time. Hurriedly, I grabbed a few items and made my way to her office, knocking on the door before entering. “Sorry, I took so long, Ciwe came to visit me requesting to see you. Though I don’t actually think it was him, but that’s not important. When you asked me about my dream, it reminded me of the orphanage my mother dropped me off at. Which shouldn’t have anything to do with, well, anything right? Not! I did a bit of searching before I came over and found something strange. There was an orphanage a while back that got exposed for child trafficking and testing. I researched and found records of the children; unfortunately, their names had been changed to numbers in the files. They also displayed pictures, but by the time we found the records, someone had altered their images beyond repair. Still, look at this.” I handed the tablet to Selene, then sat across from her. “I managed to find some of the pictures of the actual place. The orphanage was a front for the hospital. Not surprising, right? Well, that’s not even the best part. The person who was backing the place was none other than Selenair.” Selene’s face shifted drastically. I could see the panic rising in her eyes. I felt horrible for mentioning Her, I guess she wasn’t as healed as I thought.
“When we first captured her, you asked me to look into her to see if she had her hands in anything suspicious. A couple months after, I found this and shared it with you at your ambassador meeting. Though that wasn’t the only thing I presented. While digging, I found some images of the children that were there. Do you remember the riots back when we were kids? You didn’t know me when they first happened, but they existed for around ten years before halting. Villages, mostly in Lower Mona, were ravaged and destroyed. Parents were found dead, and children were missing. Does any of that ring a bell?” I couldn’t bring myself to talk about the last part of it happening for ten years. Sunny was my best friend, too.
I guess it did because she went lifeless. I knew this look. Recently, whenever Selene remembered something of importance, her face would relax, then tighten aggressively. Her eyes would look extremely distracted, while her mouth would hang slightly ajar. You would think she’s fine, then suddenly she would get up, run to her room, and come sprinting back with a notebook. Furiously, she would write everything she just remembered down. I guess she’s afraid of losing them. Normally after this, she would either cry or stay silent for hours. It pains me greatly to see her like this because it’s so familiar, yet so jarring at the same time. She used to do things like this when she reopened her mind back in Primary School. Back then, I wasn’t used to it, so I would jump at every movement. Now I know all I can do is offer some comfort.
“Selene, was it bad this time?” Slowly, I walked to the other side of the desk and sat on the floor, offering my hand for her to hold. “I’m sorry, I know-” Just as I was about to say something, she suddenly shouted.
“That’s not my name!” She looked frustrated, brows furrowed and eyes wild. This was strange to me, as she has never once done this before. Why was she acting like this? Just what did she relive?
“Selene, calm down.” I pleaded with her, standing up to meet her gaze.
“I just said that’s not my name. It’s not my name. What’s my name? Do you know? Tell me, do you know? Your name isn’t even-“ Then she cried, hard. Nonstop bawling while I tried to calm her down. As I thought, this was a bad idea.
~~~
It only took a couple hours for Selene, who would not let me call her that, finally calmed down. Though I tried my best to understand her, sometimes she literally made no fucking sense. I’m guessing she remembered something about the riots, but she wouldn’t let me continue talking about them. All she asked was for me to tell her stories about when we were younger. It’s not the first time, and certainly it won’t be the last, yet something in me wanted it to be. I couldn’t stand to see her like this. A shell is what she was. A shell of the girl she used to be. Ah. I shouldn’t think of her like that.
This event only made my morning more stressful, and it was even worse because I didn’t eat. In the past, she always cheered up whenever we walked around and found some street food. Actually, it was probably Sunny who helped the most. He always had a bright aura around him. Sometimes I would think his name was absolutely perfect for him. I miss him so much, and I can’t even talk about his memory because his other best friend doesn’t even remember anything about him. Sometimes it hurts so deeply, others I just feel guilty that I’m hiding the best part of my stories from her.
I had just finished up some dumb story about us skipping morning classes when Selene finally said something. “Your story is missing something important. I don’t know what, but it’s missing something. Also, I finally understand what the hell I just saw. It was something about the riots, then it was about a specific riot when I was much older. Maybe fourteen? There was some guy with ginger hair, and he reminded me of Ciwe, except this guy was actually nice. We talked for awhile, but I don’t remember what it was about and at the end he said he had to go. There was some kid that looked like him holding his hand and he said bye to me. Oh, and my last name. You can call me by my last name because that’s real. Everything else wasn’t. Someone is making sure of that.” The woman in front of me seemed crazed, obsessed, even. Her eyes were wide, wider than ever before. Obviously, she had found a new ‘truth’, but was it the right one? Unfortunately, I would never know.
“S-My-What are you even talking about? Is this about Selena-Her again? She’s locked up. She can’t harm anyone again, okay? Anytime you want, I can take you to her and show you. Power is not something that she has anymore. You need to let her go.” I tried to control my tone. She was making me worry, though it sounded the opposite. A ruler that’s deranged is of no use to me. She needs to get it together. I’m tired of manipulating her image. Holy fuck, who am i to say that? I need to remember my position and our goal. No matter what it takes we must succeed, and that’s what I’m here to do.
“I can’t. You don’t know how hard I’ve tried.” Her voice shook aggressively, and tears graced her eyes. I don’t want to see her cry anymore. I can’t. Every time, it hurts me so deeply I don’t know what to do with myself. Whenever she’s involved, everything takes a deeper turn, and that’s dangerous. “Silas, please. I can’t do it, j-just take me to see her, okay? Sometime when I’m better.” She was crying now, so her voice stuttered and shook. All I had to do was agree. Maybe it would help her do some good.
For now, I pushed all my doubts aside and said one word, “Okay.”
~~~
Two weeks passed and Selene didn’t see the light of day. Every time I went to visit her, she was either holed up in her room watching the tapes I left for her, or in her office working. I tried talking to her, but she ignored me every time. After the first few days, it finally clicked, a mood split. They had eased up when she stopped trying to remember her past, but now they were back and hitting hard. Every time she got close to answers, a safety net—that was placed by a person who touched her mind, which is none other than the mood swings—springs to life. Why were they so determined to keep her from not only the truth, but her past? She has a right to know what happened, her traumas, so that she can heal and finally be free.
During this time, I tried to find an assistant, especially since my ‘boss’ was partially incapacitated. My search was grueling. I had to look for people by hand because it’s not like someone who is capable, hardworking, and diligent will drop on my doorstep—or castle-step, if you will. Anyway, by the end of the two weeks, I had zero applicants and one person who made it through the screening. There are supposed to be two interviews, the first one with me and the candidate, and the second with Selene joining us. However, with all things considered, it would have to be postponed. I feel bad for the person. Being wait-listed by your future employer probably sucks.
Currently, I was in my office reviewing the requests and bills that we had gone over at the monthly ambassador meeting. I had to attend in Selene’s stead because her other persona could be unpredictable, and they didn’t know about what was happening, either. Going to the meeting was like talking with a bunch of wolves, but if they were all puppies, still dangerous though, and complained about something new every few minutes. The ambassadors were fickle. It also didn’t help that Selene was a no-show, and that they were still rejecting the Tellers in School’s bill. It’s been like near 3-4 months since we brought it up and they still keep pushing it off. We’re way past preparing for decline, especially since it’s already happening. They just want to sit on their asses and complain about how everything is going to shit, even though the solution is right in front of their faces. The fact is, they would rather lie to themselves about Selenair than see the truth, proves that we are just in our plan and actions. Or doing the ‘right’ thing, if that matters.
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