Benjamin's POV

After the lovebirds had left the room, I decided I needed to stretch my legs.

It had only been by chance that I ran into Jeremy, Lucas, and Drake again in the campus parking lot, and just a lucky coincidence that I managed to overhear them arguing with tense voices until one of the twins got into a car with Lucas, and the other walked off to a different one.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and turned the other way to head back to my room. And then what? What was I supposed to do? Go to class? Without Jeremy there, constantly nagging me to be on time?

Maybe if I walked around campus a bit, I’d find something more interesting to do.

“Hey. You!”

Since my name was neither Hey nor You, I kept walking. Jeremy stepped in front of me, arms crossed over his chest. Except… yeah, the face was the same, but I had never seen my roommate wear anything that didn’t strangle his neck and wrists, like the comfy sweatshirt he had on now.

“Drake Smith,” I guessed.

He gagged a little. “My name’s not Smith. Don’t ever put those two words together again.”

Interesting, interesting… There was a mystery to uncover here. I might’ve had fun with it if I gave a damn.

“Alright, Drake Not-Smith. See you around.”

He shifted to block me again and jabbed a finger into my chest. “You’re the one who got Jeremy drunk last night.”

“I didn’t funnel booze down his throat. Your brother’s an adult.”

The finger turned into a fist grabbing my collar.

“Alright, asshole, let me make this real simple. Don’t mess with Jeremy again.”

I waited a few seconds, but the threat never came. I raised an eyebrow and whispered, “Or else I’ll punch you in the face. That’s how it usually goes.”

Drake shoved me hard enough to trip me over my own feet. “It was implied.”

“Pff…” I caught my balance without falling. “I’ve been threatened by people who’d make you piss yourself. Sorry, but your local bully act doesn’t really do it for me. See you around, Not-Smith.”

This time I managed to walk past him. Drake kept shouting something about how if I ever hurt Jeremy, there’d be a line of people waiting to kick my ass.

Lucky Smith.

…

I had perfected the art of wasting time. Lingering in one corner, then another… striking up conversations with strangers and pretending, for a few minutes, that I cared about their lives.

I didn’t spend a single minute in class, but when I got back to the room, it was already late afternoon. The blinds must’ve been shut, because as soon as I opened the door, I was swallowed by complete darkness.

“Jeremy?” I called out into the void.

No answer. After stepping inside and closing the door, I fumbled for the flashlight on my phone. Now that a thin white beam was cutting through the deep black, my eyes would slowly start recognizing shapes. In the meantime, I could reach my side of the room without needing to see anything.

“I know you’re in bed. I can hear you breathing,” I snapped. “Feel free to be as depressed as you want, but for your information, if you close the blinds all the way, I can’t see a damn thing.”

I heard him shifting under the covers, the click of a switch—then a sharp pain exploded behind my eyes. I dropped the phone with a shout and covered my face with my hands.

There was another click, then: “…sorry.”

I lowered one hand. Even with my eyes shut, I could tell the room was dark again.

I collapsed onto the bed, trembling. Going from darkness to a lightbulb-in-your-face brightness was always a nightmare—but now it came with a flood of messy memories. A torch in my eyes, a man bleeding, gripping my hand…

“Do you want me to open the blinds?”

I buried my face in my hands before answering yes.

With every sound from the window, I parted my fingers a little more. Going from light to dark and back again was a delicate process.

“This okay?”

Jeremy had left the room in a soft twilight. Just enough to make out some shapes, not enough to hurt.

I nodded, a tight knot forming in my stomach. For years, Casper had done the same thing for me. Every time I’d walked into his place, he’d adjust the lighting until it was just right. As if he could see with my eyes.

I only noticed the stinging in my hand once it became more annoying than the pounding in my head. I was scratching the back of it again.

Did I really want to punish myself for thinking about him? Or maybe I just wanted to carve him into my skin, so he wouldn’t fully disappear from my life.

Jeremy’s bed creaked as he dropped back onto it. I saw the vague lump of blankets swallowing him up.

So Jeremy was still feeling down. The little car ride with his boyfriend hadn’t helped? Poor Jeremy. A fiancee who adored him, a brother watching his back, and two perfectly working eyes.

Sometimes life really is unfair.

Jeremy took a shaky breath, and when he let it out, he started crying. I froze on my bed, listening.

He lost all control in seconds. I’d never heard anyone cry like that, like his skin was being peeled off his body.

I felt ashamed of myself. That thought I’d flung at him just moments ago rang in my ears like the cruelty of a petty, jealous little man.

“Jeremy?”

My eyes weren’t much help, and I didn’t know his side of the room well enough to navigate it without hitting every corner. So I crashed into half a dozen corners before reaching his bed, but eventually I managed to lay a hand on the bundle that was his curled-up body.

“What happened? Did he hurt you?”

He choked on a sob. “What? Who?”

“Lucas.”

Jeremy let out a shaky laugh. “No.”

“Then what happened?”

I felt more than saw his body shrink further under the covers.

“Nothing. I’m just being dramatic. I’m just—” Whatever composure he had fell apart. His breath hitched, and the sound that followed left me shaken.

“Hey…” I’d never been a kind person. I could identify every nerve to stab in order to break him even more, but I had no idea how to put him back together.

But that wasn’t a good enough excuse not to try. “Don’t give me that shit. Something happened. You weren’t like this when you got into that car with your boyfriend.”

Jeremy tried again to hold it in. Every breath was a painful creak. “I told him yes. I told him to go with Drake and the others—with my blessing.”

It took me a moment to put the pieces together. “Your brother’s band? The tour you were talking about this morning?” That was it? “I don’t get it. Are you really afraid Lucas and Drake will…?”

“Lucas would never betray me like that.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

That seemed to be a more complicated question.

Jeremy’s breathing was almost steady again when he answered. “I’m not good at being alone. There’s hardly worse company than myself.”

And for the first time since my life had ended, I felt something warm in my chest. That reassurance that someone in the world might still understand me.

“Then you’re lucky. You’re neither alone, nor the worst company in this room.”

I stood up, hoping to pass him some of my energy. He managed to sit up a little, just enough for his face to peek out from his blanket igloo.

“Sorry for my little meltdown. I must’ve scared you.”

“I’m just glad it wasn’t anything serious. I thought something terrible had happened.”

For a second, he looked like he might retreat into his hiding place again. Maybe I’d said something wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have implied he was making a big deal out of nothing.

In the end, Jeremy went for diplomacy: “You’re kind.”

His voice rang a little false, but in that moment, I felt like we both wanted to believe it.

My eyes were adjusting to the light. His face was becoming clearer. More hollow. A little more like a dead man’s.

I shook my head, forcing out the image of a body on the floor, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“Come on. Get up. We’ve got work to do.” I grabbed him and hauled him to his feet. I’d realized he wouldn’t move otherwise.

“What work?”

Getting that image out of my head for good. Starting to live again. Finding a way not to be the worst company in every room.

“We need to find out where the professor’s assistant lives. Before everyone else, of course. Actually, you know what? I bet I can figure it out by tomorrow night.”

Despite looking like shit, Jeremy managed to strike a smug pose. “You need twenty-four hours to find the address of a guy we already know by name, face, and major?”

“You think you can do better, Smith?”

He gave me the kind of smirk people had always wanted to slap off my face.

“I’ll have that address in forty minutes. Without leaving this room.”