The class has started and I can feel how uncomfortable? Awkward? I don’t know what I should feel. Or I feel guilty not telling Thomas about Noah. 

“Um, it's so sudden and I don’t how or when it just happened and then I felt so—”

“I’m happy for you.” He said and I looked at his hand holding my arm. 

I look at him and he smiles. A genuine smile but it cannot mask the emotion of the eyes. I smiled at him and took a deep breath. “Um, anyway, do you know him, right?”

“Yes. He used to be our captain last summer camp and I am looking forward to him this year but he didn’t return. He’s good at football and I used to be his fan when he played at national level. I think he is the number two of Zeus.” I nodded and bit my lower lip. I think my breathing became heavy because not only Noah knew my brother, he is on Zeus' team which is like a friend. And why Noah didn’t tell me? I remember when I introduced Zeus as my brother, his reaction was a little bit off. He bit his lower lip while nodding. “Anyway, I really appreciate it, Athena. Thanks.”

But thank god Noah is not like Zeus. Arrogant, selfish and self-centered.

I smiled. “What are friends for? Besides, I owe you a lot. You help me adjust in a new world.” I laughed softly and he chuckled.

Miss Davies called for us to present our project and we both presented it in front.

We both know what we feel towards each other. I am guilty that I hurt Thomas but he accepted our relationship. And I’m blinding myself for his feelings because I don't want to end our friendship. If I decide to stay away from him, I will be more guilty because he will only hurt more and he wanted a friendship from me and I do not want to deny it to him.

We both have the same dream thus we make the outcome of this project that longing beyond our hearts.

“A family who built memories whether it's happy or painful, in this Peaceful Bond, you may create wonderful memories where you can bond and have peace.” I smile at Thomas while he is explaining the concept of our project. “Well, you may think it is just a simple beach house but for those who wants a house in the beach wants the sound of the waves which creates inner peace and when you wake up, the first thing you see is the light from the sun which reflect the bond of the families and the smell of the ocean creates calm mind.” he said meaningfully and I could see how professional and intellect he is.

He’s attractive in his own way. And I didn’t realize I was stunned by his speech. I got out from his poison when the class started to clap their hands.

“Wonderful speech, Mr. Harrison.” Miss Davies said.

Everything Thomas said came from his heart. He hated his dad and I can’t blame him because if I were in his position, I will also get mad or worse, I would not accept him as my father. I will be ashamed that he is my father.

And this part of him is what I admire about him. Despite his hatred, there’s still a part of him that wants to forgive his father.

“What do you think? I think that speech is so lame.” he said, both hands on his face, covering them.  

“I think it's an awesome speech. Also, it doesn’t matter what I think or someone else because you deliver it from your heart.”

He looks at me and then smiles. “But it feels boring and uncatchy.”

I snorted and then stretched my legs from the stairs. We were sitting on the stairs in front of the building.

“That’s not what I see. I see Architect Thomas Harrison having his own meeting with his employees.”

He chuckled and I rested my elbows on my knees. Then, my phone rang. 

“Hello, dad.”

“Hi, how are you? How’s your study?” I barely call him because I have been so busy with my studies these past few days. No. After that video call with fam, he infrequently calls me.

Actually, I don’t know. He… he felt so far even when I was back home. He couldn’t express his emotions in front of us. Like he always subdues all of his feelings inside. When my mother died, I saw how devastated he was. How painful it was when mom left him. But, months had passed, he couldn’t move on until he built his own shop. All of his time, he is there in his shop but sometimes I volunteer to help him and he lets me. I just… wanted to bond with him. And that’s what I notice, he’d change. Dad was always smiling and funny but he became so distant and suppressed his emotions.

I don’t know what he is thinking or feeling because he killed his emotions when mom died. I understand him. I always have.

Because she is his world. And dad acting that everything is okay. That he moved on. But whenever I talk about mom, he always looks away, changing the subject and suppressing it again.

And it made me think, dad was still hurt. As I am. So, we never talked about mom again. Just like my brothers, they felt distant and… barely came home when mom died.

I forced a smile and took a deep breath. “We just present our project and hope that it will be on the exhibit.”

“That's good news. How are you adjusting?”

“Well, for two months, I must say I’m a survivor just like mo—you. Anyway, how’s Damon?” I was expecting a deep sigh or any reaction from him but, no response just his words.

“He got in a fight.” He said and I bit my lower lip to refrain from smiling. “Did you teach him those techniques?”

“I…”

“That’s great. You did great. And um, I… miss you.” Then he took a deep breath. I felt a sudden emptiness and it took the piece of my heart again. I remember when he used to teach me in the backyard of our house. He used to tell me that I need to learn it because I’m a woman and may need to protect myself. 

I took a deep breath to refrain my tears because of the sudden memories knocking in my mind about missing my family. My complete family.

Why is it like this? That you have just now realize everything when you are far away from your family? I felt like we have been disbanded and running away from each other. Like we need a break from the silence of agony.

I force a smile to the unknown. “I miss you too, dad. Take care of yourself.” 

He cleared his throat. “Are you going back home for Christmas?”

I stop breathing and I almost choke out because I forgot! Shoot! Christmas is coming soon and I forget that. Ugh. I massage my temples and force a smile, looking forward. 

“Of course, dad. I can’t wait to go back home.”

Home

Home

Home…

Christmas will never be the same. For three years, our Christmas became gloomy as the three of us only celebrated it because my older brothers spent it for their own lives. 

I felt crashing on my own thoughts and got struck by needles in my heart. I felt that I don’t want to go home because it is just full of agony. 

And I’m guilty for just thinking about that. We said our goodbye and I promised to him that I would go back home.

I took a deep breath when I put my phone back in my pocket. 

“Hey. You alright?” Thomas asked me and I face him. 

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I nod at him, smiling to hide the deep wound. 

His face softened, his eyes telling me otherwise. I force myself to bit my inner lip, pushing back my tears away but he convince me to tell him and I let my tears fall again. Letting my friend know that I am in pain made my bottle of agony burst out open and I felt so much relief. He is not just a someone anymore. My friend who I can rely on.

He hugs me back, caressing my head. I’m not alone anymore.