Ava Georgianna Wortham’s back was stiff when she stepped off the plane and into Heathrow Airport, the building lit only by artificial lighting in the middle of the night.

She should have sprung for first class; it wasn’t like she couldn’t afford it, but flying business had felt more sensible in the moment. There was nothing at all sensible, though, about a crick in her back while she tried to drag her luggage out to find a cab.

It was only the one suitcase, but she had stuffed as much as humanly possible in it, and so it had gotten much heavier than she was used to it being, plus her purse stuffed full of the essentials she had found in a hurry.

The graduation robe wasn’t helping either.

She should have taken it off.

It couldn’t be said that Ava had a plan, not really, she had never even been to London before—her parents much preferred the warmth of the Caribbean or Bali to somewhere like London—so she wasn’t all too certain where she was going, but she knew that if she could manage to get into the city proper she could figure out a plan.

That was, indeed, the way that things worked out. She had the taxi let her out on a busy street and walked only a few blocks before finding a gorgeous historical building that she quickly found was owned by Ritz-Carlton. Perfect.

This traveling thing, it wasn’t so difficult, was it?

No sooner than she had thought that, she was brought down to earth again.

“For today?” The concierge asked in that gorgeous accent, though his eyes and tone were full of condescension rather than any of the warmth she had grown used to over the years, “I can certainly check, miss, but you really do have to make a reservation in advance.”

It was such a large building, she hadn’t conceived of it filling up. Well, she would have to remember that.

Long term, she wasn’t certain there was a reason of any specificity to remember it, but, even still.

“It looks like you’re in luck, miss,” The concierge’s tone softened slightly, “There has been a recent cancellation, so I can get you set up in a Junior Suite. How long are you planning to stay?”

That was a question, fuck, she hadn’t thought of that. What was her plan? How quickly could she make a plan?

“A week.” She ended up low-balling, worst came to worst, she could figure out another place to stay until her plan came into some sort of solid form.

Ava gave the concierge her ID and her parents’ Amex, sighing in relief as it was accepted. Good, she hadn’t been cut off yet.

Settling into the suite was simple and mostly involved her dumping her purse out on the bed, only putting what she actually needed back in. Then, a quick nap, with all of that still on the bed, and her dress and graduation robe still fully on.

It was the sun streaming through the curtains from Picadilly Street that woke her later that morning, sending her out in search of caffeine and something to eat. Easy enough to find, it seemed.

Just as she was thinking she needed to start figuring her shit out, and quick, something caught her eye on the public pinboard in the cafe.

Love animals? Love traveling? Want to be in charge of yourself and set your own hours?

Pet sit around the world with the Arfernational app!

Ava takes a deep breath in the back of the town car her parents send her to school in. She can do this, it would be fine.

“Aves! Girl, get over here!” The voice of her best friend, Summer, calls out over the crowd as soon as she steps foot inside the doors of the prep school they both go to.

Ava likes school, absolutely, but still, it’s draining.

She follows along with Summer, laughing along with whatever she says and agreeing, giving her sympathy and shared frustration when that seems more appropriate, or a “Girl, dump him.” When she starts going on for too long about whatever guy it is she’s seeing and hates that day.

She simply ignores the justifications that Summer follows up with, but they always end up laughing together.

She doesn’t process all that much of what the other girl says, or any of the rest of the girls of their friend group as one by one they come together each day. Ava is quite certain she listens, and even if she doesn’t really get it, that she understands, but she can’t actually tell anyone much of anything about any of her friends.

She supposes that isn’t why they are friends. They’re friends to… have someone to talk to before classes start? To not have to sit all alone at lunch, to have someone tell you how your ass looks in a pair of jeans at the mall after school.

That last part Ava hates. She likes shopping, she likes clothes, likes giving her friends compliments, but she has never understood why they want to spend so much time staring at each other’s asses.

She just has to keep going, day after day.

Ava feels a burst of energy as soon as she steps onto the boat, focusing on the water, the feel of the oars pressing the boat forward as she rows, the sound of the coxswain in front of her giving the group orders.

Together, the group soars through the Hudson as if it were nothing. As if they were soaring through the air, the burning exertion somehow freeing rather than hampering. This is the world that she wants to live in, wants to spend all of her time immersed in.

“Alright, good work, team.” Kelli beams as she looks over the rest of the group, “That’s our best time yet, so as promised, I’m buying tonight.”

The girls all begin to chatter away with each other as they make their way to get everything cleaned up and head further into Manhattan to eat. Ava tries to join in where she can, offering little comments and jokes so it seems like she is a real part of the group, but she knows better.

She is certain the other girls know well enough, too.

“Though, god, Lexy, who was that hottie you were talking to at the boathouse earlier? He was so tall, like—”

Ava tunes out that conversation then; she isn’t even really a part of it, so it doesn’t much matter if she just dips out, turning to the other side of the table that the girls are all crowded around.

“Ugh, I know, Mr. Fuller’s giving me a make-up test, but, like, how am I supposed to be ready? I’ve been staring at Justin all year, I don’t know any of what this guy’s talking about.”

Ava keeps her sigh in. When she was younger, she would have said that Sutton should try simply studying and paying attention, but it wasn’t as if that ever goes well.

“Girl, tell me about this Justin guy. How hot is he to have you flunking chem?” One of the other girls chimes in, and the entire conversation devolves into giggling as Sutton begins to spill.

Justin is nothing special, but then, that’s what she always thinks.

Ava simply tunes out fully, reacting and chiming in as necessary so no one will notice, but not giving any sort of real response until everyone was packing up, leaning over to Sutton and simply saying, “I can help you study over the weekend.”

“Oh my god, please, thank you so much, my parents are gonna fucking kill me!” Sutton throws her arms around Ava, pulling her close.

Dread fills Ava’s gut as she makes her way up the front steps of her family’s brownstone. Parents are always annoying, and that is not any less true for her mom and dad.

She plans to drop her bag and coat and head upstairs, but her parents have other plans, it would seem. Her mom calls her name just as she gets through the front door. She must have been listening.

She isn’t usually even home at this hour.

“There you are, good. You sent in your applications, right? The deadline is soon.”

“You sent them in, right?” Ava is too tired to pretend with her mom just now, her tone flat and frustrated.

“Don’t you take that tone with me, little missy.” Her mom snaps, “Need I remind you that this is about your future.”

“I know.”

“Well, go upstairs and clean up. I’ll call you for dinner, and don’t think you can skip out on homework now that applications are in!”

At least her room is a break, is her own; she can cocoon herself in comforters and disappear into Netflix for hours at a time.

“Though, where’s Nick going, sweetie?” Her mother asks a few days later at dinner, “For college?”

“Is that really the way she should be picking a school?” Her dad asks, earning a shush and a slap on the hand from his wife.

“She hasn’t applied anywhere not worth going.” She snaps at him, “Now focus on your meatloaf and let us girls talk if you’re going to be like that.”

“He said Princeton is his first choice.” Ava replies as she picks at her food.

“Ooo, that’s a good one, sweetie.” Her mother croons, clearly quite happy, “Close by, too, well, let’s hope for an acceptance letter.”

Ava doesn’t think that she can handle another four years at the same school as Nicholas Blythe. He’s a nice guy, certainly, and she enjoys the time she’s spent with him, but… she isn’t certain she could quite put her finger on it.

She has half hoped that graduating high school will be a good excuse to break up—‘Long distance is so hard, we should be focusing on our studies, I don’t want to hold you back.’—all of that stuff.

She isn’t certain how many days, weeks, whatever, pass before the day when she gets home and finds her mother standing proudly in the foyer, holding up a giant envelope from Princeton. One that Nick has been bragging about also getting just that day.

That plan’s shot.

Oh well.

Ava feels like she’s losing her mind as her mom stuffs her into the dress that she found with Summer—seafoam green to match the suit Nick picked out. The photos are even worse, a full hour of her mom trying to get every angle and pose of the two of them together in the foyer before getting into the limo that he’s rented for their friend group for the night.

At least he actually had gotten seafoam green and hasn’t embarrassed her, Kelli’s prom had been last week and she had spent the entire time sobbing on a group call with the team about how her date had just shown up in a plain black suit after she had told her entire school that they were going to be matching.

It feels like the night flies past her, drinking in the limo from a bottle that one of Nick’s friends had gotten an adult to buy for him, dancing at prom, hanging out at the punch table, and sneaking shots into their drinks from a flask that Summer had brought full of vodka.

Ava isn’t certain she’s said a single word that night.

She isn’t certain anyone’s noticed.

It must be halfway through the night—Or maybe an hour in? Or maybe just before they left—when Nick leads her to sit down and rest with him. She’s getting wobbly, but not enough that she can’t blame it on the heels.

“To think, this is almost over.” Nick sighs, smiling down at her as he takes her hands in his, “Soon we’ll be adults, and then off to college.”

Ava feels nice, the alcohol makes her feel warm, she can almost ignore it when he leans in and pulls her into a kiss. At least he’s not trying to make out with her.

“No more nosy parents around…” He adds, and immediately kills what good mood she has left.

She hasn’t thought of that. All the more reason she wishes she could have insisted on moving far away from here for college so she can break up with him.

They both got into Princeton, though, so why would she do that?

“Yeah…” She breathes out, not certain what else to say.

“Where do your parents think you’re going to be tonight?” He asks, pulling her in closer.

Ava knows the answer is at Summer’s, so she must have given that answer. She’s not certain that his parents knew where he was; she hadn’t paid attention.

They’re at a hotel, they’re alone, she’s quite certain she was present for everything that happened, but afterwards, she doesn’t think of it, and she’s left only with the memory that she’s no longer a virgin.

She can live with that, she thinks.

Again, Ava’s mother is squeezing her into a dress, putting her graduation gown on over it as if she wasn’t a fully grown adult who could dress herself. They had just celebrated her birthday.

“Look at you.” Her mother sniffs as she stands behind her in the mirror, straightening her cap over the styled hair that she had forced Ava to get, “My little baby, not so little anymore, though.”

This is fine, she supposes. She has never actually seen her mom emotional like this. It’s almost nice, to feel as if the woman cares for her enough to get this emotional.

Of course, with her parents, nothing can ever be truly nice, and before long, Ava is entirely overwhelmed by the attention that her parents are giving her.

They’re joined by both sets of her grandparents at the venue, and Ava falls deep into herself as they all dote on her, overwhelming her past the point where she can even focus on anything at all. She’s ushered through areas she would never remember, into a large crowd with people she is certain she must know.

Nick catches her attention, waving to her, and she waves back.

Ava tries to push down the feeling of dread that only grows and grows as four years at Princeton with Nick grows closer and closer by the day.

By the time she’s walking across the stage, Ava isn’t even entirely certain that she is human. She is certain she smiles as if she were as she accepts her diploma, but she doesn’t feel it. She doesn’t even feel better once she has gotten off the stage and settles back down.

For years, she has thought of this moment as freedom, but that isn’t what it would actually mean, is it? Ava feels as if there is something inside of her boiling over, shaking the lid that tries to keep the water inside the pot.

When she is let out, she’s meant to meet up with her family, but that isn’t what she does. Instead, she makes a run for it, and before she can think, she’s taking the stairs two at a time to get up to her room.

The diploma is abandoned on her bed as she pulls a suitcase out from under it, grabbing clothes and items almost at random from her room to stuff inside until she has filled her suitcase so full that she has to sit on it and bounce a couple of times as she zips it up. That should be all of the essentials, right? Enough, at the very least.

She can buy more stuff later.

Just then, Ava doesn’t really have a plan; she is simply acting in the moment, and in that moment, acting means rushing with her suitcase and purse—also stuffing that full of stuff from downstairs—out the door to flag down a taxi. It’s only once she gets in the taxi that her brain even gives her the idea to tell the driver to bring her to JFK.

As soon as she arrives, she buys the first ticket going anywhere with her parents’ card, and is on it the very first second that she can, her graduation cap somehow still firmly on her head.