The light from the fire flickered, shifting on the face of his master once more. Although Nayura's face was void of emotion as she stared blankly into the flames, the dancing red ribbons appeared to create expressions on her face that might have been otherwise undetectable. Aster’s own brow furrowed the longer he started at his master. He knew that his only chance to bring up his concerns would be over dinner, before they began their return.

When she had returned from the wreckage, she had requested they travel through the night. It was twilight now and they would be home in two days’ time if they continued on without rest. Aster was sure she would push through the journey’s strain silently, and he was even more certain that she would use her responsibilities to avoid his company entirely when they arrived.

“It's burning,” she observed softly.

“Ah.” Aster, spurned into action, stirred the meal that he had been preparing for their dinner.

He had shot a chester fowl that had been dozing in the trees above, a rather fat one at that, and prepared a traditional stew- C’este, hoping its thick savory broth might ease her mind. He made sure to add foraged pinerice and conicress grass – lessons learned on countless expeditions with his uncle- before opening a pouch of rare river sage, E’xturai, her favorite. True C’este could not be made without the fine spice, as the broth would not thicken into the savory gruel that countless Ealderman swore by.

Tipping the pouch into his palm, he gathered a hearty amount before sprinkling it over the C’este. As soon as the spice touched the bubbling surface, deep red rivulets spread throughout the stew, staining it crimson. Two carved Elderoak bowls awaited: one for Nayura, one for himself.

As they ate in silence, Aster watched the swirl of spice, fowl, and herbs pool in his bowl. He carefully avoided eye contact with his master, the melody of her song still echoing in his head. 

“Show what you can show no more.”

Hers was a song that only the exiled would sing. Those forgotten by time and history. Her words seemed to allude that she felt the same, lost, searching for something- but what?

He had to be careful in broaching the subject if he wanted to hold a conversation with her, forcing anything too far would ensure that the gates of her mind remained shut. But, before he could say anything, Nayura broke the silence first.

“If you think any more deeply, you may be paralyzed in thought.”

She was peering over the edge of her raised bowl. She sighed softly. “I would greatly like to avoid carrying yet another ornament back home. She glanced sideways toward her staff propped up nearby.

“Speak for your peace Aster.”

Her eyes eased, as if apologizing for her continued silence. Her joke, or her attempt at one was an effort to placate him, he could tell.  Even more evidence of her avoidance. She hoped he might hesitate to speak if she feigned humor. Feigned peace.

Aster took a moment before he spoke.

“I would like to think that I am good at maintaining my aura, but clearly you can read me like an open book.” He paused, gauging her mood. She stared into her bowl, swirling it in a circular motion. The spices rippled like Aster guessed her mind did, but no broth was brought to her lips.

“I would also like to think that I know you well, X’anna. But that no longer appears to be the case. Perhaps I am losing my edge, or perhaps there is something more you have carefully hidden. 

She continued her impassive gaze into her meal. The fire seemed to crackle under the growing weight of the conversation.

“Please, you know that I suffer not knowing what troubles you. So many things have been unspoken between us, even before this trip. These past few years you have been like Lyxia, silent as you come and go. When I swore to be an Aether Knight, I promised to protect you both in body and spirit. I may be dulling in my ability but-

“Please refrain from speaking about yourself in such a way,” she stopped him, lightly raising her right hand. She sighed again, deeper this time.

Aster could feel that if he pushed just a bit more, he might be able to get her to unravel. But before he could resume his line of questioning, his master moved to cut him off. 

“Have you not thought, Aster, that if there are things I have not told you, I have done so because it protects you? Or perhaps, that there are things that need not concern an Aether Knight?”

Aster fought to keep his brow from furrowing. “To be Aether Knight is to bear all burdens for our people.”

“Ha! Yes, the people.”

Her scoff didn’t seem to come from her lips. It was quiet, almost an afterthought as she had the bowl pressed to her lips. Aster decided to ignore it and press forward anyway.

“Every year you come here to pay your respects, but even I can see that this place haunts those that come near it. It twists the mind, and drains what little life there is. Surely it is not healthy to dwell in such a place.”

A slight twitch from her brow stopped his next words. He had to be careful. He was bordering accusation. Truth or not, such words were not tolerated in other places.

But much to his surprise she countered rather cooly, her voice quiet but measured.

“Yet it is the past that guides us in reading our future.” She quoted the Ye’hedra, and their countless lessons filled with warnings of history and memory. “You would fault me for choosing to remember the failures that lead to our current state? Is it not complacency Aster, that we so often criticize of others that lead to our own destruction? Better that I be haunted by something that ensures our mistakes are not repeated, than to relive a tragedy.”

“A fair warning.” Aster said softly, “but at what cost? You risk losing yourself to ghosts.”

Her eyes narrowed, sensing now he was willing to fight her on this, the pressure of the grip on her bowl threatening to spill the contents of her dinner.

Aster squared his back, sitting as rigid as he could to demonstrate he was not backing down. He knew this was true accusation and whatever came after could help him find a way to get through to his master or scathe him badly. But he was determined to make her see.

Her voice was quieter now, guarded. “I hold only to the traditions we have established for millennia,” she replied. Her voice was quieter now, guarded. “But please Aster, if you are so concerned then elucidate to me what it is you see.” She had placed the bowl on the ground beside her now, it contents still swirling within, as she fixed her gaze upon Aster. Her eyes never left his.

“You are a knight after all – an expert.”

He knew what this was, his last warning. His last chance to end it and defer to her.

He clenched his fists.

“What I see X’anna is a woman chased by ghosts of the past, a past that no longer dictates or decides the future. You claim to be untetherd, but then why the urgency? Why come early this year? I know already what you will say, that fate does not wait for us to discover it. But that is not an answer, but rather an excuse for your hypocrisy.

She said nothing but her eyes widened at the last word.

“You are so afraid of the worst happening, that you are blind to the good that already exists. To the things you’ve already built. Our forefathers would be proud of what you’ve done.”

“Blasphemy.”

Aster stopped speaking. The words had been so sharp that the rest of his thoughts had been cut short in shock.

“I will say this only once Aster, so listen well. You are a Knight of Aether, a knight of the Yev’hen. A knight of the people. The people. The elderfolk, the Ealdorman, the Keadryn.”

“I am not Keadryn, and I am not Ealdorman. Not anymore.  My people are now politicos and conniving lords and ladies. Our forefathers would say as much, for it is my actions that have caused us to leave our traditions further and further behind us, and our steadfast ways crumble with every passing moment, as is evident in you.”

Aster could only sit there, speechless.

“I recognize now that every decision I have made since the fall has been misguided. What I must do now is correct my blunders. Regardless of my status.  Regardless of every meaningless title I have had imposed upon me that no one respects. Labels that have only gotten in my way. The only one that might suit me is that of hypocrite, but I would remind you Aster, that so are you.

A pang of guilt rang in Aster’s heart, but his face remained unchanged. He knew what she was referring to now. A memory of his disobedience. But even so, he dared to speak just once more.

“My lady, despite everything that has occurred, I will remain your blade. I said nothing when you initiated Leonidas-“

Her postured sharpened, eyes glowering.

 “and I don’t say these things now to criticize you, but to show you our Lord would not be displeased with you-“

“You have no proof of that,” she spat suddenly.

Now he twinged with emotion.

“Since when has your faith ever needed proof?!”

“Since Cyrus."

Aster could hardly believe what he was hearing. No, he couldn’t believe it. This wasn’t a normal train of thought for her. With Leonidas, all that mattered was faith.  She wasn’t making sense.

“Someone told you something. Something you think is connected to the fall, something that forced your hand-”

“Enough, Aster. Do not speak of what you do not know.”

"Of what I do not know?! Ha! –that sounds just like him," Aster muttered.

Nayura's eyes narrowed to him, her voice like venom despite its even tone. "Like whom?"

"Your father," Aster said, his voice tight, deciding to follow through. "He carried the weight of everything alone-"

“Aster,” she warned.

“NO! Listen to me, I could not just abandon you in the face of danger and right now the danger is your own mind! You think I do not know where it is you go when you are lost in thought? I may not know much, but I know you have the terrible habit of shouldering more than you should. It makes you irrational, brash!  It is the same thing your father did, and that is what killed him.”

As the words left Asters mouth, Nayuras face changed, her expression darker than Aster had ever seen. Aster exhaled sharply, wishing he had chosen better words. He had broached a subject he shouldn’t have. Never once in his life had she looked at him as she did now, her coldness freezing him in place.

"He had no choice. And neither do I."

Silence resumed its brutal weight. Nothing could be done now to escape what had been said. Several minutes passed as Nayura allowed Aster to suffer under the weight of her gaze. Then, considering her words, she delt out her response.

"Did I get to decide what I wanted to be?”

"X'anna-" Aster tried, desperately. He didn’t like the tone of her voice.

"To be your X'anna? Surely you realize how ridiculous it is, an honorific no one uses.”

"Please, stop." This was dark, dangerous rhetoric she was dredging up.

"Or should I be the Duskblade? The merciless wraith that serves as the Kings wen-"

"Nayura!" 

Aster himself was surprised by the tremor in his voice. Never in his life had a conversation between them caused a level of emotion like this. 

Seeing his shock, her expression recovered, lowering her eyes from their once piercing gaze.

"No. I am simply Nayura. A puppet playing sovereign. A relic of a people who may no longer have a future. I uprooted us, and I must make amends. How could I dare to leave them behind? How could I dare to lose myself to feeling? I failed them.”

She paused, once more staring him dead in the eyes. “I have failed you.”

As soon as she said it, Aster regretted having started the entire exchange. He was much too blunt. He had let the surge of emotion overtake him. What she was implying- he could now see where her train of thought was carrying her. See where the madness was taking over.

The words of the Ye’Hedra rattled in his brain. “Steel your soul against your heart.”

“You grow bolder ever year Aster, in finding ways to supersede what little authority I have left.  I’ve allowed it because of the past we share-”

He cursed in his mind. This had been a blunder beyond shame.

“But such liberties have caused you to forget your place as a knight. You have overstepped, in every way. I’ve left that unpunished for too long. If you have any shred of respect for me as my knight, you WILL remove yourself from my guard when we return. It seems your interests are better suited for the halls of the Baelthorn. Your hypocrisy should be studied by our scholars.”

He took a deep breath, trying to chose his words more carefully. He had to at least try to salvage her trust. If he didnt, there would be no one else she would listen to. 

“X’anna, forgive me. I-I was not aware these things still plagued you so deeply, and I should not have spoken of your father in that way. You should be at peace with what we have grown now. You know that you have done much good.”

“You presume much, Aster, and prove my point entirely. Speak again and I will exile you here to the Yev’Hen. Alone. Until the day I die.”

Returning the bowl of C'este to her hands she stood up, then dumped the carefully prepared meal into the fire, quenching the flames. The conversation had ended.

For the rest of the night, Aster did not speak again.