"Casper, where are Cassian's diapers?" Tristan asked me, waking me up from a nap.

"Didn't I ask you to get more on your way over?" I asked. Tristan frowned.

"I must've forgotten," Tristan said, "I can go out and buy them now."

"No," I said, "You stay with Cassian. I'll go get the diapers."

"But, what if the three of us went out together?" Tristan asked.

"With Cassian in a stinky diaper?" I asked, "I don't think that's a good idea." I got off my bed, and looked to see if I could find any diapers in the house. I found an unopen package in the bathroom. "Tristan, I found some. We don't have to go out and get any right now." Tristan walked into the bathroom, and I handed him a diaper.

"Can the three of us still go out anyway?" Tristan asked.

"I don't see the harm in that," I said, "But I did promise to make dinner tonight, so we can't stay out too long. Besides, Cassian is very young, so he shouldn't go out very often." Tristan smiled, and left the room. I moved the package of diapers into the nursery. Tristan was surprisingly good at changing diapers.

But when we went out to go shopping, something happened... It was all too fast for me to even realize what had happened due to the shock of it all, but Cassian was gone and Tristan was heavily injured. My son was dead, and it was all my fault. I had gotten into a car accident, Cassian and Tristan were both on the passenger side of the car and a car had t-boned us right into the middle of the passenger side of the car. I didn't go through a red light, nor did I not stop at a stop sign, but I was behind the wheel. I couldn't explain the grief I felt once I realized what had happened. I wasn't as hurt as Tristan was, but I didn't get away without a scratch either. But the worst pain I felt was mentally, as I was in shambles. Cassian was only six months old.

Tristan didn't hate me for what happened, but I couldn't look him in the eye properly after that for a long time. My parents and his parents didn't speak for a few months before they finally got over their resentment. The weird thing was that Tristan asked me to marry him after that incident, but I couldn't give him an answer.

"Casper, I don't blame you for what happened to Cassian," Tristan said, "It wasn't your fault, the other driver was drunk and went through a red light."

"But Tristan, I could've prevented this," I said.

"That's not true and you know it," Tristan said, "I don't know what you want me to do. I'm not asking you to marry me because of pity or anything like that. Casper, I love you. I'm willing to wait for you, so take as much time as you need. I don't think that living in that house is going to do you any good. I had no idea what your life really was when we were growing up, but Casper, I'm willing to help you in any way I can. Please, just let me be by your side for the rest of our lives."

"Tristan, just worry about graduating from school right now," I said, "I just need some time to myself, so please, just give me a week or so to think things through..."

"Casper, I'm doing my best," Tristan said, "I'm almost done college and I've been getting good grades despite everything that's happened. You don't have to worry about me, I'm okay. I just want to be there for you in our time of grief. I'll always miss him, but we can always have another, right?"

"Tristan, you don't get it, do you?" I asked.

"I don't know what you're referring to, Casper," Tristan said.

"I kept that baby without your knowledge until the day of his birth," I said, "I trapped you in this."

"No, you didn't," Tristan said, "You didn't even try to understand what I was thinking that day. Sure, I did say something strange, but you didn't even give me a chance to date you and make amends, you just left. You didn't trap me, if anyone trapped anyone it was your mother who trapped you. You were raised to be someone you weren't. You were the one who felt like you had to run away. You didn't even get a chance to be yourself, even after you left your parents house. And when you got pregnant, she decides to finally acknowledge that you're a woman. She's the one who made you feel guilty for not being able to tell people the truth. She's the one who forged your birth certificate to say that you were male. She's the one who made you think that nobody would love who you really are. She's probably also the one who made you feel like you had no choice but to run away and hide the fact that you were pregnant with our child. Casper, I know that it took me way too long to finally understand what I felt for you, but I really do love you. I mean it with all my heart. And just because we lost Cassian, doesn't mean that what we have isn't enough to keep us together." I started crying, he was right. Tristan wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry, Tristan," I said, "I shouldn't have left you like that, but I was scared. I liked you for so long, but I just assumed that you didn't want me. Especially after everything that happened. You didn't even remember who I was when you woke up that morning, so I just assumed that you didn't like me the way I liked you. And with Cassian, well, I felt like if you'd never like me, then I should just keep a piece of you with me. I didn't want any of this to happen. Why couldn't I just be myself from the start? Why was my family so selfish?"

"Casper, do you know why your parents raised you as a boy?" Tristan asked.

"My family wanted a boy to carry on the family name," I said, "And they really didn't treat girls all that well either. So when my parents found out that they couldn't have another child, they decided to raise me as a boy, but ended up cutting off the family anyway. I think it was mostly because of the mental toll it took on my mom when she found out that she couldn't have any more children."

"So, she did it with what she thought was good intentions due to a laspe in judgement?" Tristan asked, "Casper, I think you should come live with me. They don't deserve you."

"They kept a nursery in the spare room for my entire life," I said, "I think it haunted my mom, just like how Cassian's death will probably always haunt me."

"Casper, please," Tristan said.

"I'll go with you," I said, "And I'll marry you. We'll make a new life for ourselves, maybe have more children. We're only in our 20s, so it's not like we don't have enough time." Tristan smiled. I almost wish that I could go back to that day and rewrite everything, but it's futile trying to rewrite the past.