So, it’s been a year.

I didn’t think I’d stick to waiting that long before I wrote in this thing again, but I actually did it. I am indeed 17 now.

I saw a can of spray paint laying around, so I decided to put my initials, “GTB,” up on a wall in my alleyway (I have claimed this alleyway as my own. If anyone tries to take it from me, I’ll… figure out something to do to them, and it won’t be pretty).

Time has passed, I guess I should give my thoughts on everything going on now. Rust has only gotten more and more successful as time has passed. He keeps performing in more musicals and has even started writing his own songs. Of course, people love it. I’m not surprised. 

You know, I’ve been thinking, and I’m really starting to regret some of the choices I’ve made over this past year. I really wish I tried harder to get and keep a job. Maybe then I’d be somewhat successful. Well, I was offered another job during this time, but it didn’t really go too well.

I was offered to work at a nearby church, greeting and collecting money from the people coming in. I myself have never really been all that religious, but a job offer is a job offer. Can’t complain much about that.

Anyway, I got to working at this church for a little while. Of course, as all other things in my life go, this went horribly wrong. I was making money for a while, obviously, but things went wrong when the priest told me that elderly people were having a hard time bending down to put their money in my basket due to my… short height. I swear, everything comes back to my short height. I’m not that short, come on.

Anyway, I was fired, so that’s cool.

I tried a couple other jobs. For example, I worked at a stupid bakery, but I was fired because I apparently have been too rude to the customers. I also tried working at a furniture store, but someone knocked a bookshelf over on top of me. I got injured pretty bad and couldn’t come back the next day. My boss didn’t accept my injury as an excuse to not come to work, so he fired me.

Nothing goes right for me. I am doomed.

So, I got to thinking. Above all, I really regret escaping in the first place. In some weird way, I sorta miss Miss Taylor and how she actually gave me food to eat and paid for books to help me learn different about subjects. Now, I don’t have any of that. No good food to eat (I’ve been stealing whatever I can find to eat), no books to read, no one to keep me safe.

I’m alone now, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. 

I still don’t know how to feel about Rust. I keep seeing posters promoting his performances in musicals, and I think to myself: “Have I gotten this low? Why do I feel angry about someone living their best life?”

These thoughts have been attacking my mind for the past year. I shouldn’t feel bad, but I do. I even feel bad for feeling bad.

I’ll make it through life one way or another, with or without someone by my side. With or without my journal. With or without him.