The chill winter air nipped at my nose one early December morning. It made me clutch at my blankets tighter and curl up to conserve heat. After an extremely busy Sunday rush yesterday, Mrs. Lada told me to take the day off while she took a day to make more candy to restock the store. After spending about three days helping to fill Reginald’s order, I didn’t want to think about making more candy. And with Dad away for work, I’d be able to actually relax for an entire day!

“Honey, the sun is already up!” Mum called from downstairs. “Come down and eat your breakfast!”

“One minute!” I groaned, rolling over. The last thing I wanted to do was actually get out of bed, but there wasn’t a lot I could do to convince Mum to let me wallow in depression all day. Though, I slowly dragged my feet down the stairs to see a marvelous steaming plate of eggs and pancakes.

“Eat up,” Mum remarked. “I’ve got plans for us to go out today.”

“Oh-”

It looks like my plans to get more sleep weren’t meant to be. I also hate having to leave the house. When I go out, I just get called a “fine young man” by everyone too… Where would Mum want to take me, anyway? Maybe a friend’s house or something.

“You don’t have to look so dour,” she rolled her eyes. “I have a good feeling you’ll like this outing.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s just a good feeling I have,” she shrugged, taking a bite of her own breakfast. “And I don’t think you’ll be so upset after you try on your dress.”

“Aghk-” I nearly choked on my pancakes when she said that. “Is my dress really done?! Already?!”

“I need to get it on you so I can fit the odd spots I’m not sure about,” Mum explained. “But if I can do it quickly, it should only take about an hour or so at most.”

“Can we start now?!” I asked eagerly, pushing my plate away. This was going to be the most magical day of my life. “Should we fit it in your room now or do you need materials or-”

“Slow down, slow down,” she chuckled. “Finish breakfast first, then we’ll get you all dressed up.”

“You got it,” I smiled, immediately digging back into my food.

“Slow down, honey. You’re going to choke if you’re not careful.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I insisted. How could I not want to get that dress on me as soon as humanly possible? “I’m just excited! It’s my first dress!”

“You’re going to look like a princess, sweetie.”

*   *   *   *   *

“Mum, it’s pinching my waist a bit…” I complained uncomfortably.

“It’s supposed to do that, honey, don’t worry,” she reassured, finishing the padding in my chest. “Does the chest feel too tight or loose?”

“It feels fine,” I insisted, tugging at the blindfold around my face.

“Keep the fingers off your blindfold, young lady,” Mum scolded. “I’m almost done…”

“I just can’t wait,” I giggled eagerly. “I’ve been waiting forever to wear this thing!”

“Well, you won’t have to wait much longer,” she chuckled, grabbing the cloth obscuring my eyes.

I couldn’t begin to describe how I felt when Mum yanked the blindfold off. I was wearing the most beautiful aqua-blue bustle dress that flowed all the way to the floor. The black ruffles in my sleeves and lines on my skirt complimented it so well. I think the best part was just that if I didn’t look at my face… I looked like a real woman. Maybe I would’ve felt better about the rest if my hair wasn’t tied back like a man.

“Oh, let’s take care of this hair,” Mum smiled, tugging the twine that held my hair up, letting it flow around my shoulders. I felt like I looked… perfect… “How do you like it?”

“I… I love it…” I sniffled, wiping my eyes. In reality, I meant that I loved myself. For the first time in a long, long time.

“Here, you’ll love the hat with it!” Mum reached for a matching sunhat and placed it on my head. “There, now you look like a promising young woman ready to go out.”

“Do you really think so?!”

“Of course, honey! I was planning for us to take a small together so you could feel like one.”

“You want me to go out like this?” I asked in disbelief. “You mean it’s alright for me to go out as… as a woman?”

“Why not?” she questioned. “I think a woman should be able to go out as one without feeling an ounce of shame.”

“But… What if someone says something…? What if someone recognizes me…?”

“Recognize you?” Mum laughed, grabbing a photo of me hanging on the wall and comparing it to how I looked now. “Honey, I barely recognize you. 

“But what happens when someone asks how you suddenly acquired a daughter in less than a day?”

“I believe you mean my niece, Amy, who was sent by my sister to visit from Canada,” Mum smiled, clasping her hands together. “If anyone asks, I’ll just say that.”

“I’m not sure about lying though…” I said uncomfortably. “What if Dad found out…?”

“Honey, I’ll handle everything, just trust me,” she soothed reassuringly. “Wouldn’t you like to go out like this?”

She did have a point. I did really want to go out looking like an actual woman. On one hand, I would feel sooo good and if people could actually believe I was a woman, I’d be in a state of pure mental bliss. On the other hand, if anyone recognized me as Adam, then I’d be as good as dead the moment Dad heard about it.

“Honey?” Mum coughed, waving her hand in front of my face and snapping me out of my thoughts. “So are you alright with going out?”

“Um…” I fiddled with the ruffles poking out of my sleeves. “Can I keep the hat on?”

*   *   *   *   *

The moment we stepped outside, a small snow flurry hit me in the face. I liked the way it set the city in a nice Christmas-y tone. It reminded me of those fleeting memories of when we lived in Canada. I might’ve been young when we moved to New York, but every once in a while, I’d see something that tugged at those distant foggy memories. The streets were lined with parents guiding their children and lovers holding each other tight in their warm arms. It was quite a sweet sight to see.

I silently held onto the tweed basket that Mum had given me and followed her through town. She didn’t give a sign as to what she wanted me to do, but I personally didn’t want to use my voice and risk turning some heads at how low it was. It wasn’t until she took me out onto the market street that I realized what we were doing. Oh, we’re going shopping.

“I’ve got a grocery list a mile long, so let’s start at the bakery,” Mum decided with a smile. “Do you want a treat while we're there?”

“Mum, I work at a candy shop,” I whispered with a giggle as we walked into the bakery. “If I wanted a treat, I’d get one from work.”

“Lighten up,” she laughed back. “I get a little something for myself all the time.”

“Matilda, I had a feeling you’d come around today,” the baker remarked from behind the counter, pulling out a small, tightly sealed sack. “I’ve already gotten the usual prepared for you.”

“Why, thank you, sir,” she smiled, bringing out her coin purse.

“Shall you one day buy baked goods from me instead of just the flour?”

“When you can make bread better than mine,” Mum responded slyly.

“How about you open a bakery and drive me out of business, if you’re so good,” the baker huffed, taking his money.

“I couldn’t bring myself to ruin you and your wife like that.”

“Mhm, sure,” he grumbled, looking down at me. “Matilda, since when have you had a daughter?”

“My sister sent her daughter to visit from Canada,” Mum explained, selling the lie. “She’ll be with me for a little while.”

“Poor thing. I’d hate to live somewhere so cold all my life. Is she just visiting for a little while or will she be looking for a more permanent residence? She’s so beautiful that I’d hate to only lay eyes on her just once.”

“You never give me such compliments,” Mum pouted. “And this won’t be the last you see of her at all.”

“Oh? Is she going to be living with you then? Maybe we can work out a dinner then.”

Uh oh, the lies were already catching up. I would’ve spoken up, but I still wasn’t so confident in my own voice. I had an idea though, and I cupped my hands around my mouth and whispered in Mum’s ear.

“What’re you saying, little lady?” the baker nosily asked.

“My niece is a bit shy, sir,” Mum defended. “She only speaks to those she’s attached to.”

“A mute then, eh? I’m sure she’d be quite the prize for men then.”

“Your mouth needs a good washing out,” Mum frowned, grabbing a small handful of flour and blowing it all over the man’s face. “She’s going to a lady’s academy further south and is only passing through.”

“There’s a lady’s academy down south?”

“I assure you, the world is changing for the better. Women like your wife and I will be getting a proper man’s education in due time.”

“That’ll be the day,” he laughed. “Hold on one minute…”

The baker retreated into the back of his shop with a knife, and I let out a deep sigh. I felt like every muscle in my body was wound up tight with every word that slipped out of Mum’s mouth.

“Are you okay, honey?” she whispered.

“I feel like I’m only a word away from being found out.”

“You’re going fine, trust me.”

“I can’t help but feel nervous…”

“I’ve got a wintertime special,” the baker proudly boasted, holding out two pieces of fruitcake for Mum and I. “A sweet treat for such a sweet young lady. I hope you enjoy your stay in New York!”

“I assure you, she will,” Mum smiled, patting my back and guiding me out of the shop. “So? How did you enjoy the lady’s treatment?”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it,” I smirked, taking a bite of fruitcake to try and cover up my giggling.

“We’ve got many more shops to visit before going home, so I’m sure you’ll get pampered by the entire market street.”

*   *   *   *   *

Mum and I walked through the front door laughing and giggling from how many free foods and goods that we were given all from me just putting on a silent smile. I had lived out one of my wildest dreams in one afternoon and I couldn’t be happier.

“What’re we going to make with all of this?” I laughed as we put away a ton of canned and jarred goods.

“I was planning on making this recipe for biscuits and gravy that Mary gave me… But we’ve got so many ingredients for sweets that they’re begging to be made into a tasty treat!”

“I’m going to go change out of the dress before Dad gets home,” I sighed. The last thing I wanted was Dad coming home and seeing his son in this really beautiful dress and sending me to a mental institute.

“I’ll wash it for you while you’re at work tomorrow!”

“Thank you!”

As I retreated upstairs to my room, I clutched my chest and put on a warm smile. I had spent an afternoon being treated like a real woman and loved every second of it… When the time came for me to hide my dress away and put on my men’s clothing, it just felt… wrong. Everything about it felt so wrong, like a complete juxtaposition to how right that dress felt. It made me feel a kind of upset that I had never even felt before. To have everything I wanted for an afternoon only for it to be taken away from me…

“ADAM!” Dad hollered from downstairs, signaling his arrival home. The name I used to view with just disdain seemed completely foreign to me now. Like calling me by it was some mean-spirited joke now. “Down here, right now!”

“Coming!” I called back, drifting down the stairs. He didn’t look particularly upset, but definitely wasn’t in a good mood. “Yes?”

“I’ve gotten word from your grandparents,” Dad reported, holding up a letter in his hand. He said it more like a warning than anything. “They’ll be traveling through New York during the winter and would like to stop here for Christmas.”

Mum and I let out a collective groan. Disliking Dad’s parents was one of the few things all three of us actually agreed upon. We would actively come together to do everything in our power to stop them from staying with us. Grampy would always shame my complete lack of masculinity and use it to start insulting Dad’s too. Meanwhile Grammy would just complain the entire time and try to make Mum’s food sound borderline inedible.

“Can’t they lodge with an inn?” I asked. “Or just on the streets-”

“This letter is dated over a week ago and says they’re going to start their departure,” Dad sighed. “There’s no stopping their arrival now. We’re going to have to house them for a night.”

“Can we pretend we’ve moved?” Mum asked. “They’ll never know.”

“Matilda, they would find out.”

“Can we go on vacation?” I suggested.

“I’m not asking for a way to avoid them this time,” Dad frowned. “I’m giving a warning that they’ll be here in a couple days’ time. They’ll be here for one night and be on their way in the morning. I think we can manage that.”

“I suppose if we have to,” Mum sighed. “What should I cook for them?”

“Matilda, you know cooking far better than me or Adam. If anyone could impress them, it would be you.”

“Impress? Let us focus on satisfying them first!”

“I, ah, have work on Christmas Eve,” I noted. “Will that be okay?”

“You can take extra time at work for all I care,” Dad said, side-eying me. “If my father thinks you’re working, then maybe he won’t be so abrasive about you.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” I mumbled. Yeah, I wanted to stay out, but actually being told to stay away did hurt my feelings a bit. In the end though, the less I had to deal with my grandparents, the better. Knowing my luck, I’d somehow make dinner even worse.