As you could imagine, the last thing I wanted to do was go out again, and I didn’t. Weeks went by and I stayed indoors, but it wasn’t as bad as before at least. I was out of my room and walking around the house, but still reluctant to go out of the house. Plenty of people still visited me, but… Max wasn’t the same to them as she was to me. Max was a pillar of my life, and without her… it was starting to show how much I was crumbling.

Even though Reginald and James tried their best to help me cope, they couldn’t quite keep an eye on me like Max did. Food went missing, and more often than not I would be ill for most of the day. Something that wouldn’t go unnoticed by Reginald, so of course he’d eventually confront me about it.

“Aven, we need to talk about the missing food,” Reginald said after a couple weeks. It was hard to look at him. His skin seemed paler, and his eyes heavy. Losing Max how he did clearly had a worse effect than everyone initially thought.

“I don’t-”

“Please… don’t lie to me,” he sighed, looking down. “James and I have been… talking about you.”

“R-Really?” I asked, a cold shiver shooting up my spine.

“Well, we talked, and… We agreed that you don’t seem happy here anymore. You’ve spent weeks shut in this house all alone…”

“Reginald, I promise I won’t eat all the food! If it’s just-”

“I’m not talking about the food. I’m talking about your demeanor and feelings as of late… Like I said, you don’t seem happy here anymore, so… James is going home to Virginia in a week’s time, and you’re going back with him.”

“Wh-What?!” I exclaimed, leaping to my feet. “What do you mean?!”

“You two are already engaged, and if you go to Virginia, James won’t have to move work to New York. We’ll come visit you two, and when it’s time for the wedding we’ll be there, but-”

“What about… But I… Where…” I was just too shocked to properly form sentences. He wanted to send me away?! “Where is my say in this?! Don’t I get a choice?!”

“I’m… afraid not. This is for your own good.”

“But what did I do to deserve being removed from my life here?!”

“Aven… This isn’t-”

He was interrupted by a sharp, harsh knock at the door. He held up a finger and looked out a window, letting out a tired sigh as he looked back at me.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Reginald stepped out of the house, and I could hear him take whoever was there back down the front steps. Even if I couldn’t go out, I was nosey on who Reginald was talking with, and why. I silently cracked the window open and watched between the blinds to see what was going on. I saw Beatrice down there with him, but she was missing her trademark snake. It was so synonymous with her that her outfit looked incomplete. 

“Go home,” he said coldly.

“Let me see the man who stomped on my baby first,” she snapped back. “I fully plan on pressing charges against him.”

“Go home,” Reginald repeated. “No respected lawyer is going to seriously take your case. I’d be dropped within the hour.”

“I’ll find someone!”

“Beatrice, James isn’t even here. And you don’t have the money to hire a lawyer right now either.”

“I don't care! He needs to pay for what he did to Fluffy!”

“Maybe without him, you’ll finally go make a real friend!”

“He is a real friend!” Beatrice raised her hand, as if to hit her own brother, but Reginald grabbed her wrist. The look of shock and powerlessness that flashed on her face was certainly new to me.

“You can bully and intimidate everyone else, but you never did scare me,” Reginald spat coldly, letting her go. “Go home, Beatrice, and don’t knock on my door ever again.”

“F-Fine! I won’t!”

Beatrice stomped her foot and dramatically ran down the street. In contrast, Reginald looked like he couldn’t care less and started walking back up the steps. In a flash, I shut the window and bolted back onto the sofa, but he still looked at me oddly when he came inside. 

“Did you see that?”

“Um…”

“It’s fine, really,” he sighed, taking a seat. “Too many people have withstood Beatrice’s abuse over the years. It’s about time she gave The Devil his due and faced some consequences for her actions.”

“I still feel bad about that poor snake of hers… Even though I never liked it, the thing didn’t deserve what happened at Max’s funeral…”

“When you spend time with bad people, you’re bound to be collateral damage. But Aven, about your move-”

“Can we talk about this when James is with us?” I begged. I knew if I had any chance of staying, it would be from pleading to James until he sided with me. 

“I… Alright. But he did agree with me the last time we talked.”

“Well, I think as his fiancée, I should have my own talk with him,” I said, trying to stand my ground.

“If you insist.”

*   *   *   *   *

“But we talked about you coming here!”

“That was before… Well honestly, it was before Max died,” James admitted, pacing around my bedroom. “You haven’t been the same since then. You were bad before the funeral, but Reginald says you haven’t improved much since.”

“I feel plenty better!” I argued. 

“Do you?”

“Yes!”

“Truly?”

“Of course!” I exclaimed in frustration. James was being oddly calm and reserved about the entire situation. “Why do you think I’m lying to you?”

“Not me,” he shook his head. “I think you’re trying to tell yourself you’re fine when it’s a load of nonsense.”

“Since it’s a load of nonsense, tell me what-” My words paused as I felt my stomach lurch side to side. That was my signal to calm down or throw up.

“Honey, listen,” James whispered softly, sitting next to me. He gently grabbed my hand and opened it, rubbing my palm with his thumb. “Tell me what’s wrong. What’s really wrong?”

“I… I…” I gulped and started to shake. I really wish he hadn’t asked that. My true thoughts and feelings flooded through my brain in an oppressive tidal wave. My throat tightened and voice squeaked as tears welled in my eyes. “I miss her… I miss Max so much… I wake up every morning hoping it was all a terrible nightmare…”

“But she’s gone. You know nothing can change that.”

“I wish I could just see her one more time…”

“What would Max say if she saw you like this?”

“She would say…” I thought about it for a second. Max would hate seeing me like this, all pathetic. 

“Get back on your feet, girl!” she would say. “You’re so much better than this!”

“She would tell me to hold my head up high and move on,” I said shakily.

“That’s my wife,” he said, putting an arm around my shoulder. My heart always sped up when people referred to me as a woman, but this was the first time James had ever said wife.

“I’m not your wife until we’re at the altar,” I pointed out.

“You can never start too early,” he chuckled. 

“But it’s not official until you carry me down the aisle.”

“I could carry you now.”

James suddenly hoisted me up and carried me around the room in his arms, laughing like a madman the whole time. Though, I could tell he was struggling a bit more to keep me held up the whole time. Soon enough, he needed a break and set me back down on the bed. 

“Sorry about that,” I sighed. “My stress eating hasn’t eased up and it shows…”

“Oh don’t worry about it. I like it, actually.”

“Yeah, sure,” I rolled my eyes. 

“What? I really do,” said defensively, poking a finger into my stomach. “There’s more to hold in my arms.”

“Yeah, yeah, maybe I should still try to eat some greenery.”

“The food up here is nothing compared to what we’ve got down south,” he insisted with a dreamy grin. “You should taste a bit of my mama’s family recipes… They’ll stick to your ribs and make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.”

“Sounds like… something Max would’ve enjoyed,” I sighed, mustering a nostalgic smile. She would’ve loved hearing about them.

*   *   *   *   *

The next day, I couldn’t help but break down again. I can only hold back the binging temptations when there’s too many emotions swirling around my body to process. Or maybe I just didn’t want to think about them. No matter the cause, it ended in food binging all the same. By the time Reginald got home, I was just laying in my bed chewing on a few cookies.

“Aven?” Reginald called out. “Aven, put on a nice dress. We’re going out for dinner tonight.”

“Okay…” I moaned, rolling off the bed, hitting the ground with a reverberating thud.

“What was that?”

“Myself.”

Reginald opened my door and stared down at me on the floor. I could’ve stayed there for the rest of the night for all I cared. The wood was surprisingly comfortable.

“Should I assume that talk with James last night didn’t go in your favor?”

“We talked it out, but I still don’t really want it…”

“You know what makes me feel better after a hard day of talking?” he asked, hearing over and lightly brushing through my hair. “A nice meal with my siblings.”

“I don’t know…” I mumbled. Coming fresh off a binge, I wasn’t sure that I needed more food.

“Beatrice won’t be there.”

“I’m still not…”

“You don’t even have to eat. Just please, come to dinner with me.”

“Alright,” I sighed, picking myself up off the ground. “I wouldn’t expect myself to be quite the social butterfly if I were you though.”

“Just you being there is enough,” he warmly smiled, drawing my door closed. “We’ll leave in less than an hour, so be fast.”

*   *   *   *   *

“Oh Aven, it’s wonderful to see you out of Reginald’s dreary house again!” Angel cheered, throwing her arms around me.

“What do you mean by my ‘dreary house’ exactly?” Reginald asked. 

“I mean what I said.”

“I don’t think it’s been that long,” I wheezed as she let go. “You came to the house to see me just last week, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but it’s different when you’re out of the house.”

“If you insist,” I giggled.

“Oi, Reginald!” Alex shouted from across the room. “Get the seat of your pants over here and play the piano!”

“Got a tune request?” he called back. 

“What about that song your friend from Florida sang? Luna la puta or whatever.”

“You would choose that,” he rolled his eyes.

While Reginald went to join his brothers in jokes and laughter, I decidedly found a rocking chair in the corner and sat down, closing my eyes and gently rocking back and forth, blocking out the entire world around me. Nobody tried to disturb me, so I think people could tell I just wanted to be alone. Or at least, the ones who could understand me could tell. When I opened my eyes after hearing some crinkling noises, I saw the youngest Hawthorne sister, Elizabeth, standing at the edge of the chair with a pencil and scrap paper in hand. I hadn’t interacted much with her since the girl usually clung around Beatrice or her mother, so I was curious about why she was picking me out.

“Oh, uh… hello there.”

“Why are you sitting alone?”

“Because I don’t feel good,” I mumbled. “I need some time alone…”

“Then why did you come?”

“Because Reginald wanted me to.”

“Why is your voice so low?” Thanks world, there was no way I was going to be able to explain myself to a child. The best I could hope for was to think of a compelling lie on the spot. 

“I have a throat injury.”

“Does it hurt?”

“It… Yes, it does. Every day, I wake up and it hurts. Very badly.”

“Aw… Well, I hope you feel better soon. Mother gives me tea and honey when I feel under the weather.”

“Trust me, that won’t work with my condition,” I sighed. “But thank you for the suggestion.”

“Elizabeth!” Mrs. Hawthorne called out. “Young lady, come back to the kitchen and help me get ready to set the table!”

“Coming!”

As I watched the little girl bounce through the room of bustling family members, Alma sat down in the chair next to mine.

“Little ones sure are a handful,” she remarked. “Say Aven, do you want any kids when you and James tie the knot?”

“In an ideal world, yes,” I admitted. “Due to my own condition however, that’s impossible.”

“There’s always adoption.”

“Yeah… but that has its own set of troubles that comes with it. Max was the only one who understood the pain of not having the ability to have children.”

“Between you and me, I don’t look forward to the ‘playing mother’ business,” Alma slyly whispered. “How about I slip you my firstborn and say we’ve got a God given miracle on our hands?”

“I somehow don’t believe that would fool anyone.”

“Everyone, dinner!”

At the sound of Mrs. Hawthorne, everyone stopped what they were doing and swarmed to the dining room like moths to a flame. I sat square between Reginald and Angel, and right across from Alma’s husband. I felt kind of strange not having James there with me, but I suppose he and I technically aren’t married yet, so it’s not too irregular. I don’t know why, but something inside me just felt so… empty. I mean, my stomach was still hurting and I felt bloated in the dress, but there was an emotion that I felt like I should’ve been feeling that got plucked out of me. It came suddenly, and left me feeling as if I was dining with complete strangers. I felt like an intruder. Maybe I was…

“Aven, are you going to get any food?” Angel asked, giving me a nudge. 

“I told her she didn’t have to eat if she didn’t want to,” Reginald told her.

“Well what’s the point of asking her to dinner if she’s not going to have it with us?”

“Eh, if she wants to slim herself, let her,” Alexander shrugged. “What’s the harm?”

“Alexander!” Reginald growled, clapping him on the back of the head.

“He’s projecting,” William taunted. “It’s because he likes his women as fence posts with cannonballs strapped to their chests.”

“Both of you, stop it,” Mr. Hawthorne chastised from the other end of the table. “Please, be civilized.”

“I’m just giving Alex a good little tease,” William chuckled. “He’s a bit infamous around here at this point.”

“Not for long,” he said.

“Trust me, your reputation’s set in stone.”

“Well… I’ve been making plans to move to California.” Everyone stopped eating and gave Alexander a stare, Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne especially looking distressed. He awkwardly cleared his throat and continued. “Take up a mining job and do some honest work for once, like what Father’s told me.”

“Nice jest, Alex,” William uncertainly chuckled.

“I’m not joking,” he said firmly.

“You know our name wouldn’t mean much out west,” his father warned. “You-”

“WHEN were you planning on telling us this?!” Mrs. Hawthorne exclaimed. The glare she let loose made me shudder. “You don’t think we should’ve talked about this first?”

“I…”

“And I’m leaving to Canada!” Angel blurted out, holding her head up, but sweating like a pig in summer. “My husband’s already started making the arrangements.”

“What?! Is anyone else leaving without notice?”

I figured that would be a poor time to mention that I was going to Virginia with James, so I kept my mouth shut and just got busy stuffing my face instead of listening. The general gist was Mrs. Hawthorne being monumentally upset about her children making plans to leave without consulting her first. I guess when it comes to her children, the woman gets fierce. Maybe that’s where Beatrice gets it from…

I didn’t initially plan on eating anything really, but the empty pit in my stomach just grew and grew the more that arguments raved around me. As long as I kept eating, I wouldn't have to think about or listen to anything else. Who cares that it was starting to hurt?