Shadow was laying in bed, thinking about his life and all he had done. The beautiful memories he had with his family and the sting of their remembrance as his mind recalled how they had been ripped away from him.

His body had laid dormant for 50 years but his emotions had not; he had spent more of his existence suspended in a dream rather than living reality, and because of that his mind tortured him.

Shadow had definitely gotten better at pushing bad thoughts away. While it gave him a sense of shame to see his mourning soul spew wretched anger and rash actions, it also brought him pride to know that he had at least moved on from all-consuming dread.

Or at least that was what he had previously believed.

That night was different. He had a nightmare again, but there was no Maria to comfort him. There was no Amy to help him get out of it; she was asleep in her room, and Shadow was not so much a child to go in and bother her. Especially because of their argument.

He should have apologized to her before, although he didn’t want to anger her any further. Not only because he mildly cared about her emotions, but also because he didn’t want to end up homeless again.

Shadow peered at the dark silhouettes around the room, the furniture cloaked in the essence of night. There could be anything out in the darkness. Even though physical objects were present, the cloak of darkness kept it from appearing to be so. This was like his mind–there was plenty there, although he could see the impending darkness coming upon him that would make it appear as if only dread existed in his mind.

He couldn’t lay down anymore. He felt too vulnerable. Instead, he crawled over to the corner of the room, facing outward to watch the ominous figures looming in the darkness. His eyes played tricks on him, although it was not nearly to the same degree as his mind.

He was such a failure. The Ultimate Lifeform was such a failure. He was created for greatness yet always failed. He had a purpose that he was unable to obtain. And now, because of those things, it felt like the universe was giving him just punishment for all his shortcomings.

It was what he deserved for being a failure like he was. So unable to do anything worthwhile, just sucking the life out of everyone around him. He knew this well, which was why he was always so afraid to get close to anyone. Unlike Sonic, who gave people energy and brought them together, Shadow took the joy away and turned it into sorrow.

He would never amount to anything. His existence was null; there was no point in him going forward.

The world would be a better place if he had never been made.

“I don’t want to go there.” He whispered in the silence of the night. “I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to go there.”

What made his heart sink was how much of a lie his words felt against the murmurings of his mind. His silent thoughts were much louder than his voice. There was so much evidence to back up his sinister claim, which made it much harder to keep himself stable.

He failed Maria. He almost murdered everyone on the Earth. He was unable to keep his emotions in check despite how much he strived to do so. He took out his anger on innocent people, just like the gunman had done to his beautiful Maria.

It made Shadow’s heart sink to fathom the ability of becoming like those he so despised.

He was nothing without his Chaos Emerald. He was nothing but powers and a vehicle to use them; Shadow as a person was useless and only brought anguish to all peoples.

Shadow as a person was horrible. Shadow as a person was who had made Amy so upset and who was keeping him from having any friends.

One of the reasons why he got so frustrated at Sonic was because he was the ideal that Shadow would never attain. Shadow would never have friends like Sonic had; he lacked the charisma and positive outlook that Sonic possessed. Shadow felt powerless to change.

“I don’t want to go there.” He said again, this time in a normal voice.

A pink hedgehog took a few steps out of her room. She had only meant to use the bathroom, although when she heard Shadow, she froze. Amy was afraid that Shadow was talking to her, or even perhaps sleepwalking.

If only Shadow could be the kind of person Maria was! If only he could manage to please her–no, he was a disgrace to her memory! All the work she had done to love him all amounted to nothing!

“I don’t want to go there.”

Your existence is making everyone suffer.

“I don’t want to go there!”

Your existence is making the world worse than it would have been if you had not been born!

“I DON’T WANT TO GO THERE!”

Shadow threw a weak Chaos Spear out in anger, quickly regretting it as it tore through Amy’s couch. His heart was racing so much that he could hear the blood thumping in his ear. His breaths were so heavy they stung his lungs.

Shadow glanced over toward Amy’s room, hoping that she would not have heard. There he saw the girl herself, eyes wide, shivering as she stared at the angry black hedgehog.

“Amy… I’m so sorry about your couch…”

His voice was barely audible although what could be heard from it sounded scratchy and dry.

Amy didn’t say a word. Instead, she simply took quick steps toward him. Shadow was expecting anger from this silence, although that was not the case. He was used to anger; it was how he responded to his despair and loss. It was something he knew how to respond to–although what Amy did, Shadow was not prepared for.

“Do you want a hug?”

Shadow remained silent, not being able to look into her kind, sparkling eyes. He really did want a hug, although it did not feel appropriate to hug her.

“I would, but Sonic would kill me if you did.” He tried to laugh, although it came out as a small squeak.

His eyes filled with tears at that small squeal of sadness. All at once the floodgates opened and tears steadily flowed down his face, leaking large streaks from his eyes to his chin.

The warmth of Amy Rose was unmatched only by Maria Robotnik herself. Her arms wrapped around Shadow’s thin body naturally. He had not been prepared for this, although it was pleasant.

“Amy…”

She jumped back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know if it was okay–”

“It’s fine, thank you.” His mouth turned up slightly; the most of a smile he could muster.

“Why are you upset?”

Shadow didn’t want to respond.

“Why did you hug me?” He whispered. “Aren’t you going to upset Sonic?”

He didn’t know why he cared. He just didn’t want that blue idiot bothering him any more than he already did. Trying to become his “friend,” or at least being “frenemies.” Ha!

Amy shifted herself into a criss-crossed position. “Sonic doesn’t like me back. He only likes me as a friend, so it’s fine.”

“Oh… okay.” He fell silent.

“Shadow… you can tell me what’s bothering you. I’ll listen.” Amy touched his hand. “I’m sorry for getting so upset earlier. I have a bad temper, too, Shadow.” She smiled slightly at the end.

Shadow made no indication of paying attention. Amy continued.

“I’m sorry for saying all that stuff earlier. For calling you inept… and for treating you the way I did. I’m very sorry.”

Shadow’s tearstained face turned up to meet Amy’s soft smile. Amy was really beautiful, but not how she was before. When Shadow first met her, he only noticed that she was physically pretty, although now her soft kindness made her truly elegant.

“You had every right to say those things.” Shadow muttered bitterly.

“No I didn’t!” Amy grabbed his hand. “I was mean and was allowing my perception of you to affect how I treated you, instead of seeing you for your actions. You’ve made meals for me and have done your best to be kind to me. I neglected this before, but I am very grateful to you for what you’ve done. I was exhausted earlier tonight; it was very thoughtful of you to have cooked for me.”

Shadow’s cheeks burned red.

“I… it was the least I could do…” He stumbled over his words. “Although I–I should have done more for you. For all your kindness.”

Amy blushed as well although was not aware of it. “I’m not as kind as you think.”

The two of them sat alone in the dark for a multitude of minutes. Eventually, Amy stirred up the conversation again.

“Would you… like to talk about what was bothering you?”

“Not really…” Shadow paused. He lowered his legs from the position they had been previously. “I… I tried going to bed without apologizing for being such a horrible person to you–which I am very sorry for, by the way–and I had another dream about Maria again.”

Amy grimaced. “I am so sorry Shadow–”

“She asked me why I killed her.” He said flatly. It was like he was trying to remove all emotion from his voice. “She asked me why I am such a failure and why I have amounted to nothing since her death.”

“Shadow!” Amy squeezed his hand tight. She lowered her voice. “That’s not true at all! She would never say that!”

“Are you sure?”

Amy took a moment to think, or at least appear to think. She knew Maria was kind and would not have fathomed such statements, although she wanted Shadow to be more sure of her words. So she waited.

At last, Amy finally spoke. “Yes, I am very sure.”

This time Shadow grimaced. “I almost went into a dark place again, Amy. One where I would have hurt myself or other people–”

“Don’t think about that, Shadow.” Amy tried to keep her voice calm, although it was very difficult. The fear she felt for Shadow was indescribable. “Just try to think about happy things, okay?”

Shadow stared down at their hands in tired confusion.

“There is nothing happy but Maria, who also brings me sadness.”

Amy’s lips tightened. “I understand. Just… try to think about it as a happy memory. I know it’s hard, but at least you got to have her for the short time you did.”

He knew this. It made him angry to hear, although he could also understand her thought process. Amy had the same kind of positivity that Sonic had, which was why he envied her. It was strange that Sonic wouldn’t be attracted to someone of similar demeanor.

“I’ll do my best.” It came out a little more aggressively than he had intended.

Amy took no bother to this. She leaned over and gave him one last small hug, then stood up to go to the bathroom.

“Goodnight Shadow.” She yawned slightly as she spoke. “I’ll help you with all that stuff that you need to get a job and stuff. *yawn* I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow too. I think you’re still recovering, so you need your rest.”

Amy was right. He felt indescribably weak. Perhaps that’s why it was harder and harder to keep his emotions in check and his walls up, unlike usual.

“Thanks… Amy.”