I passed out yet again to another day. One of the things I hated the most was showering, and I couldn’t find it in me to give a shit about it. It was either too cold, so hot that I would faint, or at the end I would feel way more foul since my room was disgusting and not me. My nose was so accustomed to the cigarette scent that I barely recognized it, although sometimes I would if I showered. And obviously, the scent doesn’t come out of clothing easily, no matter how many reluctant walks to the laundromat I made. I truly hated having to be in any place where people could smell anything coming from me, or look at me. And my bathroom was disgusting, which was the more polite way to put it. But, since I had the bear, it wasn’t nearly as debilitating. I still hated it, but it was somewhat more tolerable, I guess. And no, don’t worry, I stuck it outside the door so it didn’t have to look at my balls. I was kind of freaked out that it would be perving on me, really. We both avoided being traumatized, is all I’m trying to say. 

It also helped me brush my teeth. Instead of every touch to my teeth leaving my jaw aching and prickling with stabs of pain, it was soothing. But even with that I couldn’t get myself to do it consistently, it was just so damn tiring.

After that day, I had it with me no matter where I sat, outside of me leaving the house, and the bathroom, of course. I wasn’t that desperate, although I’m sure it wouldn’t be below me. But it worked every time. It was so much more effective than any drugs I had, even combined. No, I didn’t get any euphoric effects, but it saved me so much discomfort. The week seemed to pass by quickly, and it was soon the weekend. 

The one morning, the bear appeared much stranger to me right after waking up. It was as if it was looking at me like it… wanted something. Its blank face appeared to be asking, calling to me to help it. As if it were trying to reach out to me as best it could in its unsentient state. I can’t say what in particular made me think that. Maybe it was the eyes, which were somewhat duller than before, the golden light fading in and out to a dusty brown at certain angles. Maybe it was the disheveled appearance, being ruffled and speckled with dirt soiling its once white fur. Maybe it’s because it was like it didn’t want to give a bright smile any longer, instead leaving its mouth straight as a pin, trying to disguise its discomfort.

No, that’s not right. This is just a weird stuffed animal, isn’t it? It’s never done this before. I must be seeing things. I must be too tired.

I decided to ignore it for a bit. I couldn’t figure out what changed, and I had assumed the vibes I got from it before were my brain being stupid. I was probably just tired and my brain was making things up to fuck with me. Maybe I’d just eat a meal away from it, then take a nap next to it, and see what changed either time. 

As I ate a chewy leftover burger, the taste spoiled and bitter, and scrolled on my phone, I tried to think of what a teddy bear could even want. It’s not conscious, after all. But it had to want something, right? Things like that don’t just happen for no reason.

No. It’s probably just your sleepy brain making things up. Don’t think about it, or it’ll make it worse.

But even though I tried not to, I ended up only eating a quarter of the burger and a few stale fries before I rushed back to the couch to figure out what it was trying to say. My eyes and brain should have had enough time to adjust to the cloudy, dark morning. But, no. The same gnawing feeling came at me again, in full force. Its face was drowsy and gray, but how? Why?

Let’s just take a quick nap. That should do it.

I was able to pass out for a couple hours, and as soon as I woke up, I checked to see if the feeling left me, and no, it did not. It stared up at me with the same melancholy expression, pleading for me to do… something. 

What could a teddy bear even want? How could it even want something? Were the only thoughts on my mind now. The nagging feeling was uncomfortable to me, even though it was just some stupid toy. I couldn’t get myself not to think about it. Why was I worried about this shit, anyway? But I guess I wouldn’t mind paying it back, although I wasn’t aware it was even capable of conscious thought. But that’s when I considered that I was making it more complicated than it needed to be and that it just needed the bare necessities of care.

“Are you hungry?” I blurted out, my mouth moving before I could stop it. I wasn’t sure why that was the first thing I’d said- but I had the strangest feeling that I was right. Maybe.

I sat the bear on the table, making sure it didn’t fall over. I cut a couple apple slices and rested the pieces on a napkin in front of it, then collapsed down in the chair, staring, waiting, for something to happen. But it refused to move, merely staring at the food like it already changed its mind in the two minutes it took to cut an apple.

“Well, uh… go on, now.” I mumbled, twirling my hair around my finger and pulling through the knots in waiting.

Nothing happened. 

Perhaps I had misjudged the situation, just a tad. Now I was pretty much just trying to give food to an inanimate object. A magic one, no doubt, but one that couldn’t eat food at all either way. All the time I’d spent before with the bear wasn’t nearly as bad as this, mainly because even if it seemed silly, it at least served some sort of actual purpose. I just looked deranged trying to feed this thing.

Eh, whatever. This is a waste of time. 

I shook my head, plucked it up from the table and went to rest on the couch, ready to forget about all this. I somehow felt incredibly fatigued after this, probably due to my embarrassing moment. Embarrassment sure was the greatest way to drain my energy. At least no one could see it. I passed out for a couple more hours and woke up groggy as could be, more fuzziness shifting in and out of my eyesight. Apparently I’d rested the bear in front of my face without realizing. The sudden shock threw me up from the couch, making me wince in pain as my teeth smashed together. But its face was... content, soothed once more. I swung up off the couch and went to the table, which no longer had any snacks on it, only the empty remnants of the napkin. I was pretty much confused at first, rubbing my eyes to force myself awake. Maybe I had moved the food back to the fridge and forgotten, although it’d have been weird for me to just move the apple slices. Or maybe I ate it and forgot, which makes sense. But it was more likely to me that the bear was magic and could eat food. It did move in front of me while I was asleep, didn’t it? It corroborated properly to me from all the information I had, despite how odd it was. 

I went back and examined the bear’s face once more to see if its contentedness still remained. Its eyes were tinged with radiant gold, although it was still being mixed with some dusty brown. Not exactly the same, but it emanated a lingering feeling of a want from it despite feeding it. I wasn’t getting ’hungry‘ much anymore, though. I tried to go over a list in my head of basic necessities. Food, water, sleep, hygiene, clothes…. I’m not sure I would qualify ‘attention’ as a basic necessity but that was usually what was required to help a child grow healthily, medically speaking. Letting it sit next to me probably checked that off the list, though. The others, I hadn’t been bothering with, because I wasn’t aware that it even needed those things at all. I felt a bit silly thinking through all of this ridiculousness and how I even ended up in this situation in the first place. But I guess as long as it was offering me something in return, there wasn’t much to lose, even if it felt pretty stupid. I filled a glass of water and cut up more food, sliding it into a bowl, then rested the toy on a small pillow and pulled a towel over it. I set the cup and cheese pieces down next to the bear and had a long, long yawn. 

“Welp. There you go, I guess.” I said, sitting back down and pulling out my phone once again. I wondered what I’d even do for hygiene and the clothes. What was I supposed to do, wait for clothes to show up at my door? Drive to the thrift store and pick out the first doll-sized clothes I found? No way I was wasting my weekend gallivanting about for a teddy bear. I started to suspect this whole thing was some divinely inspired event made to force me out of the house, but I wasn’t having it. I refused to breathe in fresh air. Not that what I planned on doing was more productive anyway, but it didn’t even use up half as much energy. 

And do you drop it in a tub to wash it? There’s no way that wouldn’t mess it up. I guess I could put it through the laundromat, but if this thing was alive, I imagine that would be an incredibly unpleasant experience. But it didn’t come with cleaning instructions, so I wasn’t sure what to do. Then again, all of that is just too much effort. The most I decided to bother with was maybe grooming it with a brush I’d used on some cat that kept following me around a while ago. I also had some sanitary wipes shoved somewhere in the mess. That wouldn’t exactly clean it but I guess it’d be something if its fur got really, really bad somehow. The bear had a few tiny dirt stains on it, but nothing egregious. So unless it was secretly a germaphobe, it’d probably survive. 

This was too much thinking for another day, especially on a weekend. I’m not sure why I was worried about making it happy. What was the dude going to do, kill me if I don’t comply? Maybe. I guess I wasn’t worried about that, I knew it was the idea that I wouldn't have this magic antidote anymore. It would be a major loss. It even seemed to cure any withdrawals I could’ve had. To give it up would be a massive demotivator. But it’s only fair that I pay it back somehow.

I fell asleep for a long while, all the way until the next morning. I had fallen asleep around dinnertime yesterday, so that was the longest nap I’ve had in a while. I probably wouldn’t have gotten up if it weren’t for the sudden knock on my door that made my stomach jump. I pulled the strands of hair away from my mouth as my eyes started to open, then looked on my phone to see that it was a Sunday, so… no way it was the mail. Maybe a friend came over?

Fuck. How do you even explain this…?

I walked over there loaded with multiple excuses to get them to buzz off when I saw that there were no friends, but a medium-sized box instead. Hopefully there would be something interesting inside. I took it inside and tore it open with a few snips of my scissors. Maybe someone had the wrong door, I thought. But instead, there were different assortments of doll sized dresses in white, yellow, apricot or beige that were similar to the one my bear had on. So it was obviously for me, unless there was someone else in the area needing fancy, suspiciously well made dresses for their stuffed animals. I sure doubted it.

I bit my lip, teeth digging and tearing into my skin. “I was joking about the clothes being delivered to my door, you know.” I said out loud, waiting for someone to enlighten me on what the fuck was happening. There was no sticker on the packaging or anything like that with any information. I hadn’t even thought to look before because I was dicking around, but there were no brand tags on the dresses anywhere or anything like that. I checked in on the teddy bear that still sat on the pillow, staring innocently into the void. The water was drained down to half and the cheese and crackers I’d put in the bowl were much less than before. So… I guess this is actually a thing now, huh? It was kind of like waking up to Santa having eaten the cookies on Christmas day except not as cool because you’re a grown man and can no longer tell if you’re sane or not. And the present is your body functioning at the bare minimum level.

I picked up the bear and looked all over it to see if there was something on it that would give me any information. I managed to slip off the dress using the buttons in the back, carefully so as not to rip it, and on the bear's waist was a tag that wrote ‘Sister’s Heart’ in fancy type.

So is this the brand, huh? 

My fingers flew fast to type on my phone, almost dropping it in the process, but there were no results related to what I was searching for. Not even some obscure thread about it. So that led me absolutely nowhere. It was the strangest thing. Why even put the brand name there, anyway? A tinge of curiosity about the brand still gripped me, leaving me wanting answers, but I wasn’t even sure where else to look for information. I could ask my friends or something, but I didn’t want anyone to know about this all, to be honest. And the chances of them having any answer other than ‘Fuck if I know’ was about 2%.

I shook my head at the obnoxious reveal of nothing at all and brought the bear to the table. I must’ve been given these dresses for some reason other than cosmetics, although I’m not sure what purpose it could possibly serve. Hopefully I wasn’t expected to swap them out every day or something, but doing it a couple times a week would be fine. I’ll admit the designs of the dresses were nice to look at. I wouldn’t have minded wearing a couple myself. But I guess all the cool fashion got allotted to bears made by defunct brands instead.

I took out one with an apricot color, the precious cotton delicate to my touch, and dressed the bear up with it as carefully as possible. Under the dresses were some clips and bows, I guess for you to customize it with. I picked a bow that had a similar style to the dress and clipped it on the bear’s ear. This all wasn’t too bad. I had already mentioned it before, but the clothes were of shockingly good quality. The dress fabric was so silky or had the finest fiber, no loose threads, and even the smallest lace was detailed and ornate. There were even what appeared to be very convincing clear gemstones on some of the brooches, sleeves or bows. So it immediately led me to wonder, what was the intended purpose of this brand? To be a dress up toy for adults to collect or for kids to play with? Ignoring the magic part. It’s not like kids couldn’t use it, but I imagine these would be expensive to buy, then. That’s why most dolls are plastic and cheap, for when kids inevitably break it. I guess if these toys just show up at random people’s doors, price doesn’t factor in as much. These could probably be sold for millions looking like a potato sack as long as they could heal people, it all just seemed like a bit too much effort.