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Voiceless

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May 22, 2025


Within seconds...Zack's whole posture changed. The stiffness in his body relaxed a bit as he crossed his arms and took what I can only describe as a 'Dad stance.'

This time, Blue's voice spoke with a slight British lilt to it.

"Apologies, Zack is only a teenager but he can be quite intense." Blue cleared his throat and glanced at us awkwardly. "My name is Adam." He cleared his throat again. "I'm not usually... out much."

I looked toward Briana wide eyed just as she looked over at me in return. The look on her face screamed that this situation has surpassed even her.

"Ah." Adam made a noise stemming from discomfort as he wiped his hands on his pants. "I'm not sure I've ever spoke to anyone before. Sorry."

Briana finally had the sense to speak up, "no, no, you're fine. We're the ones who're sorry. This is just... I've never done something like this either."

"It's okay, I know you're trying your best, dear girl." Blue, no, Adam said, nodding to himself. As he got closer to speak to us. It was weird seeing him act like an older man despite him being both physically shorter and younger than the both of us.

Briana smiled, "I appreciate that. Now... I can see you all have very different opinions of me and the situation here..."

Adam smiled sheepishly, "yes, I'm afraid it's always like this. The one thing we can all seem to agree on is that we need to protect Sam but... each of us has a very different way of doing that. It can be... chaotic. And I admit we could use some help."

Briana sighed in relief, "I know a woman, she's a werewolf, she specializes in Dissociative Identity Disorder, which is what I think you have."

Adam nodded taking in the information calmly like he was prepared for something like this to happen one day.

I decided to finally speak up as well with the burning question that I'm sure is in both our minds, "how many um... personalities?"

"Alters." Briana corrected me.

"How many alters are there?"

Adam looked at me with genuine warmth in his eyes, "there are four of us. I think you'll be pleased to know that we're all fond of you, for the most part. We've all spoken to you at one point. Well, besides me. But you did hug me once, in the hospital. Only for a moment."

How many alters had I missed? Apparently all of them except Zack. And maybe there's one who likes sweets?

Briana clapped her hands, "Alright well it has been a long day. I'm going to get in contact with my friend as soon as I leave here." She checked her phone, "you guys still have to make it back to Riverstone before it gets dark. Get a lot of rest today once you get home." Briana said, as she looked between the two of us.

Adam nodded before he looked off in a daze for a few seconds, "Sam, has calmed." He informed us. That was as much of a goodbye as we got before I clearly recognized my Blue back in his own body. Tears sprang to his eyes as he gazed at me, desperation clouding his expression.

My heart broke at the sight, two long strides and he was in my arms, clutching my shirt.

Briana stared at us for a moment before she mouthed a, "I'm just gonna..." and pointed toward the door. I waved goodbye to her as she stealthily made her exit.

I put all my attention back onto the boy in my arms. "Sssh talk to me, Blue. What're you thinking?"

He sniffled into my shirt before he pulled away and plopped down on the couch, "I don't know. I feel... crazy." As soon as the words left his mouth he let his head drop into his hands with a groan. "Now they're arguing about how I'm not crazy and I feel like that's exactly what would happen if I were crazy."

I sat down next to him and put my arm around his shoulder, bringing him back to lay against the couch, "you're not crazy, Blue. Like Bri said, this was just your brains response to what you went through. Plus, we don't even know for sure."

Blue nodded but he still looked conflicted.

I pulled out my phone, "here, let's do some of our own research, yeah?"

Blue sighed and nodded. He leaned more toward me, letting his head rest on my shoulder.


As I sat next to West I was still struggling with determining which thoughts were actually thoughts and which weren't. If I focused on them more they do start to sound like separate distinct voices. Or maybe I'm just imagining it now that I know?

"Here we are," West said, drawing my attention to his phone.

🔍Search: What is dissociative identity disorder

—————————————————

Dissociative Identity Disorder

A disorder characterized by two or more different personality states. This disorder is usually a reaction to trauma as the brain's way to avoid bad memories. Each personality may have a unique name, characteristics, and history.

Also called, DID.

Treatment for this disorder is talk therapy.

I internally groan at the last line. Of course the treatment is something I hate doing.

West continued to scroll through the results.

"It's kind of like... having built in friends," West mumbled.

I shrugged.

He turned his phone off and faced me, "hey I know you probably hate the idea now, but it might be a good idea to try to get to know them."

I stared at him before I sighed softly and nodded.

Get to know them? I didn't even know there was a them until a few minutes ago. How long have they even been here?

"10 years, "A deep, rough, voice answered my thoughts.

"You can hear that?" I whispered out loud making West look at me. He didn't say anything, seeming to understand I wasn't really speaking to him.

"We can hear most of your thoughts. They're projected loudly when we're up here," a voice with an accent answered.

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. This is so confusing. I don't want to think about this right now. Other people just living in my head with the ability to just take over my body at any moment? Sounds like a nightmare.

Although, I guess I'm used to sharing my body.

There were no responses to that but I did feel an almost overwhelming amount of sadness in my heart.

Is that emotion even mine?

I sighed depressingly. I didn't want to think about this anymore.

"Hey," West said, dragging my eyes to him, "how about we go out to take your mind off it. It's about time we get you some of your own clothes."

I shook my head, "I can't afford to spend money like that. I have clothes back at my apartment."

"I can always pay for them, you know?" West offered.

I cringed at the thought, "no, there's no point when I already have clothes."

West smiled but I spotted the disappointment in his eyes and guilt immediately took root in my stomach.

"Sorry," I whispered, avoiding his eyes. "You can do whatever you want."

West lowered his face into my view so he could look at me, the smile was still on his face but this time there was no disappointment.

Good. I did good, he's happy now. I'll just let him do anythi-

"You said no. I'm not going to do something you don't want to do. Let's stop at your apartment tomorrow to get your clothes, okay?"

I opened my mouth, then closed it as I stared at him, wide eyed. "Oh," I said.

West tilted his head in confusion at my response.

"You're not...mad?" I mumbled.

West shook his head. "You said no." He stated matter of factly.

I cleared my throat. "Right," I said, unsure of what to do with that.

No one has ever listened to me before. I mean really listened. I'm so used to "no" being taken as a challenge rather than a boundary but he just... accepted it. It's something so small that I know it shouldn't mean so much but it does.

"Thanks," I whispered.

West smiled at me and I found myself looking at him, and for the first time something in my chest warmed.

Just a little bit.

🌊🌊🌊

On the ride back home, Blue chose the middle seat and immediately fell asleep with his head on my shoulder.

I'm not sure what changed but he started following me around the house like a puppy as I packed our things. Although he conveniently disappeared when I started making us dinner. I looked down at his small frame as I bit my lip.

I pulled out my phone.

🔍Search: How to help someone with eating disorder

—————————————————-

Eating Disorder Experts

Eating Disorder Recovery Chat

Treating Patients age 6 to 24

Why so specific??

You could try the following:

Include them in social activities.Keep meal times as stress-free as possible.Find safe ways to talk about it.Help them find good information and avoid bad sources.Share stories from other people.Encourage them to seek professional help.

I blew out a sigh. Okay so, stress-free and be supportive and encouraging but also don't make it too obvious. I should start talking to him about seeing a therapist for his eating too. Are two therapists too much? Does he need a nutritionist? I could probably get him in touch with mine...

Stressed, I dropped my phone on my lap and brought my unoccupied hand up to rub my eyes. I don't know how to do this. I feel like one wrong move and I can set him back completely. Hell, offering to buy him clothes was apparently a big no.

His head was warm on my shoulder and I stared back down at him, his light snores and purrs mixed together to form the sweetest sleepy sounds.

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I was just terrified. Terrified that I'd mess this up somehow. Say the wrong thing, push too hard, not be...enough.

As I stared at him longer, the boy who was leaning on me like I was the safest place in the world, something... warm settled in my chest.

Maybe I didn't have all the answers. But I do know that I want to continue to be someone Blue can lean on. Someone he can always feel safe with.

A quiet kind of intensity swept over me as I ran a hand through his hair. Leaning down, I placed a feather light kiss on the top of his head.

"I'll protect you. That much, I'm sure of," I whispered.




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Samuel Finn is a siren who loathes the power of his own voice. Trapped and silenced by the man who controls him, he's beginning to lose hope of ever escaping the performative life he never chose.

Until he meets him. A human who's kind, complicated, and nothing like the world that hurt him. As their bond deepens, so do the shadows of their pasts.

And when the monsters who broke him might not stay gone after all, Samuel has to decide if he will fight to be heard...

or stay voiceless.

~~ I don't have an upload schedule but I try to upload as often as possible. Please have patience! I have never, and will never leave a book incomplete.

*SPOILERS IN THE TAGS*

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Care

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