He blinks slowly, “I don’t understand why people take me in when hurt and stop caring once I get better. I don’t get it when I got hurt from being alone in the first place,” A tear rolls down his cheek, “What’s the fucking point?” I lean back from the venom as he curses at me with terrible, teeth bared and then he covers his face with a sob and sinks to the bottom of the tank.

I know that any attempt to talk to him longer would be a bad idea so instead I climb down the ladder slowly. I head to the bathroom with a change of clothes to shower. I look at my image in the mirror and sigh as I notice marks left from the mercreature. “Mercreature.” I’ve been avoiding naming him or referring to him as anything to avoid attachment I suppose. I pull out my phone just like I did when he was having a panic attack and setting up the shower, search a few “What to do when-” Scenarios.

‘When someone kisses you and you like it but aren’t ready for a relationship ever.’

‘When you want to make someone feel better after you made them mad.’

‘How to reject a love confession without hurting someone’s feelings?’

‘How to apologize.’ I sigh and feel more tired than ever, place the phone down, and let the water run over my body, washing off the salt water. 

Water stings as it runs over the claw marks he left on my back from one of his transformations. I glance at my arm as well. 'He's dangerous.'

The kisses felt different probably because of that and the fact he’s at least mostly independent. He could leave if he wanted to, if it were safe to. I lean further until my forehead is agianst the shower wall and scrub myself, I can't conscienciously "date" him until he has that option, just ethically, not considering my feelings.

'My feelings.' I scoff. 'Since when have I cared or thought about those. I try to think about what I want.' Only to immediadetly imagine the mercreature's wishes, living with me, 'So far he’s been…distracting. Today was the first day I got a good bit of work done.' 

' I’m neglecting my other hobbies and my real job. Not to mention he’s confessed to loving me now and that might lead to more distractions.' I don’t like the feeling the fight left me with. A bad taste in my mouth because he had some good points. I want to apologize but I should probably fix the problem where the mercreature will live first. 

'How can I protect him from being picked off, is it my problem?' I imagine throwing a seal into shark infested waters knowingly. I clench my fist, 'so that’s it. I can’t throw him back until I know for sure he’s not going to be hunted anymore and that will probably require some diplomacy. Which will require me to go through the siren and now that I think about it possibly the selkies too. I wonder if I can ask them to watch over him, his coloring is similar to theirs. It’s not like I can just ask Andreas to take him in.'

I knock on the bedroom door. Peeking in to see Andreas’s bleary eyes opening, “Mmm, time for medicine again?” He shifts, yawning and wincing a little. He looks over the bed and asks, “What do you do once the bag gets full?”

“I’ll empty it and replace it.”

Silence stretches out and I move to check on the equipment and make sure everything is working.

“I’m starting to crave mashed potatoes.” He says randomly and it causes me to smile a bit. 'Random.'

“Why?”

“I like them.” He suddenly looks shy, “They’re a comfort food and that medicine makes me feel super nauseous at the thought of eating anything else.”

“I’ll get you some nausea medicine, the others expired.” I pause and then decide to confide, he wants me to treat him like an equal adult. I'll see how he reacts to this. “I’ve been thinking about what to do about the merman.”

“Symon.”

I blink, “His name is Symon?”

“Tentatively, we’re trying it out.” He looks at me in a way where I wonder if he thinks I’m a bad person for not asking his name sooner. 

“Well…Symon is mad at me right now and I’m trying to fix it.” I scrub a hand through my hair, “He can’t stay here and he can’t go back to the ocean while he’s being hunted.”

Andreas' eyes widened, apparently he didn’t know that last part.

I make a very unpleasant face, not comfortable asking this of him, “You said you have an apartment?”

“Oh.” He realizes where this is going. “Yeah if he’s fine with it and you think it’s safe I don’t mind taking Symon in.”

I feel immense weight lift off my shoulders.

“Under one condition.”

I tense. “Which is?” I remember the fact that I've now kissed both of them both under different circumstances. I fully expect it to be about dating.

“You have to come visit, or invite us over three, no, four times a week.” He looks terrified, obviously not used to demanding or even negotiating. 

“Not including seeing you at work, three.” I think about how many work days will have to include a visit so I can have at least one day of the weekend to myself.

“Four.” He presses quietly, “Until we all get a little more settled in, then maybe we can reduce it to three. He doesn’t know me as well as you.”

I sigh heavily, shoulders hunching but having my house all to myself again for three to four days out of the week and having the ability to keep an eye on the mer- Symon sounds good. 

“Fine.” I rub my stubble, “I agree to your terms but we are splitting the costs of his needs and that includes you helping me fish.”

Andreas lights up a little. 

It never occurred to me that he’d actually see it as a bonus. I guess any time spent with me is positive. I smirk unless I tell him we’ll be fishing and emptying the traps at different times. I open my phone and look for where to pick up a few fish traps. Ironically at the market I told Symon I would take him forever ago.

Speaking of which time to go apologize to him and let him know the solution Andreas and I came up with. I feel myself slow as I walk through the living room, 'when did it get so overcast?' I worry briefly about the siren before deciding he’s probably already finished healing and left. I decided that I should probably make the merman something to show I care. 

Like the article said. 

I open the cupboards and dig around until I find hot chocolate. I start the kettle and then turn it off. No, this is supposed to be special. Grabbing a pot I set the heat low to warm up the milk slowly. Feeling anxious I peek into the lab to make sure he’s still in there. Wouldn’t want to go through all the effort only to find out he ran away.

I feel my breathe catch as the tank is empty before remembering that he can turn invisible. I hesitate and walk into the lab. 

"Andreas told me you’re trying out the name Symon?" I wait for a response or a ripple. Now I’m starting to get worried. I go to the door connecting to the outside and open it just as thunder crashes startling me. I look back at the tank and then rush outside. I always leave this door locked.

I search around the house yelling his name. I’m not sure if he could even hear me over the wind and rain. I strain my ears and then focus on my car. There’s no way he could have gotten that far. That’s if he’s not just hiding somewhere invisible inside the house. Frustrated, I check under the car and then look around again. He could have gone back to the ocean. 'In which case I’ll probably never see him again.' 

I expect to feel apathy or relief or even maybe a twinge of regret. But all I feel is this urge to find him, I hurry back to the house and soaking wet check the tank again hoping to find him in there. 

I go to the stove turning off the milk and let out a long sigh. I stay there in front of the stove, dripping onto my floor, staring at the milk. Slowly I reach out and apply a scoop of the cocoa. I stir and suddenly get hit by emotions so hard I have to close my eyes. I haven’t made this specific drink for someone in a very long time. I pour the fully mixed ingredients into a mug and grab the whipped cream I have for an occasional treat. I finished making it exactly how I used to. 

I stare at the presentation. A little bit of powder added on top of the whipped cream. ‘It’s missing the cereal straw.’ I hear so clearly I turn already starting to respond, “I can get some more from the store.” Only to realize the kitchen is empty. I feel a frown form and my shoulders sag a bit. 'I’m tired.' I move slowly, taking the cup to the table. If I sit here and drink this I will lose any control I have. 

I turn back to the lab and walk into it. The tank is definitely empty but I say hollowly, “I made you some cocoa.” After no response I sigh, “I’ll see if Andreas wants it.” I turn and am annoyed at how relieved I am when I see a soaking wet, fully transformed human, Symon. He looks ashamed and is shivering. I’m confused when my relief turns to anger, maybe because he looks like he knows he did something wrong. I glance at the lab door and then go lock it. I shove all the emotions down and rely on what I do best.

“Let me get you dry so you don’t get sick.” I say and start to push past him but he presses into me and I pause. 

“I’m sorry for scaring you.” He says not lifting his head.

“I wasn't expecting you to leave so suddenly.” I say and adjust my arms guiding him to the table. He eyes the drink guiltily, wanting it but not feeling like he deserves it.

“I needed to look up advice on how to apologize.” I explain, gesturing to the cocoa, “It said I could do something special to show I care.” 

He looks up at me. “I was mad.”

For some reason I smirk, “I know I should have,” I rub my wet face, “Explained that I need time to process and plan things. That even if you don’t live here it doesn’t mean I never want to see you again. It’s my job to protect you.” 

He winces a little.

I know I need to say something else, “All I am is my job, all I care about…Symon.” A silent please forms on my lips.

He turns his head to me a bit. Then reaches for the drink. I relax a bit.

“You’re a little weird.” He stirs it with the spoon and takes a tentative sip, eyes lighting up. He guards his expression though. 

“I’ll be right back.” I am a little worried he won’t be there when I get back, “Stay right there.” I grab two towels quickly from the bathroom and hurry back to find him looking small and dejected. I drape one over him and start drying myself as I sit adjacent to him. He stares at the drink, I realize it’s the first time he’s stopped smiling this long and he looks emotionally exhausted.

“Why did you go outside to look for me?” He asks warily. “Or is it that you wanted to release me personally, as part of your job.”

“I-” I take a breath pushing down the emotions that surfaced with the memory of the panic and frustration, “I found a place for you to stay if you’re…fine with it.”

“No.” He says it so softly I think I misheard him.

“Why now?” I lean back folding my arms, “I never specifically said I’d be throwing you back into the ocean not when you were in danger and being hunted. I planned on having you live nearby or-”

“I won’t stay if you just feel like it’s your duty to protect me, I want to find someone that actually cares.”

This conversation is tanking fast. I look at the drink and then pull it towards me a bit, offending him slightly until I take a sip.

“You’re the first person I’ve made cocoa for in years.” I start a wisp of a nostalgic smile forming. I look at the almost completely gone whipped cream, “The last person I did that for…I really cared about.” I feel grief rising slowly to the surface and let it out slowly. The mercreatures' eyes widen as a tear goes down my face.

“Most humans create connections quickly, and thrive in groups.” I offer him the drink again, “I’ve never been like that and this person…” I know I’m showing a lot more emotion than I normally do. I glance at the merman. 

He’s staring widely, eyebrows knit in concern.

“This person was the only one who didn’t give me hell for that.”

I’m not exactly trying to make him feel guiltier but I want him to at least understand that he’s not the only one that wants to be cared about and considered.

“I’m sorry.” He says. Then scooching his chair over presses against me. I allow it, grateful for the warmth. I start drying his hair with the towel and he asks very softly.

“Where will I be staying?”

“Andreas has an apartment and before you protest.” I hurriedly continue, “He made me promise to check on you or have you both over four times a week.”

I watch Symon breathe against my chest for a bit and then he nuzzles me slightly which I take as a good sign.

“I want to apologize for how I handled your confession as well. I should have thought about it before saying anything.”

The very human looking merman nods again. “I’m mad at you but I still like you, that is if…” He looks up and hesitates, “Do you care about me?”

I tense and slowly try to explain it in the way I truly feel about it. “I think I’m not able to care about things the way everybody else is able to. But in my way yes, I do. If you do decide to stick around you may learn what that is.”

He looks at me for a long time. “Can you not feel attraction?”

I flush, “I can feel attraction and I can do...things but it’s a lot harder to create a connection so I typically don’t.”

“If I left, would you miss me, or even think about me?”

I immediately know I wouldn’t miss him and I can’t say it because it sounds cruel but, “I know I would think about you, a lot.” I grimace, “I think I’d worry as well.”

“How long did it take you to like that other person?” He pulls the cocoa close to himself, drinking some.

“Years I didn’t even know until after they-”

“Died?”

“Yes.” I stare at nothing looking straight ahead. 

“I tried to leave but couldn’t and then I hoped you would come looking for me. I was so happy when you did. Happy and mad and frustrated,” he wipes his eyes, “And so, so confused.”

I hold him closer knowing it’ll help convey better than words that I want him to feel comforted.

“Is it bad that I want you to love me too?” He asks, “But I don’t think you can.” 

“I don’t think it’s bad, I think it’s normal to want someone to like you back. And you’re right, I probably wouldn’t be able to in the way you want.” I shift wet clothes cold and uncomfortable and despite snuggling and a warm drink, he’s shivering harder.

I pick him up and go to my bedroom so I can get him a clean dry sweater. Digging through the closet I find a good one and offer it. He waits until I turn again before starting to change. I grab a simple shirt and some sweats, peeling off my soaking wet shirt. I drop it in the laundry basket and start putting on the dry one. 

I start when he pats my hand. 

“I need help.” He says embarrassed and partially muffled in the hoodie.