After only a few more weeks with the Maddens, the routine quickly became second nature. 

During the days that Rin's parents worked, I woke up around eight in the morning and got Rin ready for the day. Then I made us both breakfast and planned what we could do together while we waited for his parents to get home. Whether we stayed inside or went out to do something fun was up for determination, though Rin and I both preferred going to the park when the weather allowed. 

Rin quickly became accustomed to helping me take care of our little plant collection we acquired three weeks ago, as well. Rowan and Carly truly were far too busy to be taking care of plants, so I happily took on the role. 

Rin and I went out one day to grab a plant mister for the monstera and philodendron plants and misting became Rin's favorite plant related chore. I took care of the watering and anything else they may have needed. 

Carly, of course, absolutely adored the plants we picked out and insisted we go back to get more, but we hadn't found the time. I figured Rin and I could go on our own to pick some, but I liked going with Rowan. Maybe I was just being selfish, wanting to hog all the time I could get with the mate I was quickly growing fond of that probably wanted nothing to do with me.

Since the plant nursery, Rowan and I had gotten closer. Whenever he got home earlier and Carly was still out, we would sit down in front of the TV with Rin and talk in between the little cartoons and Disney movies Rin persisted in watching repeatedly. If we spoke quietly enough, Rin didn't mind it.

I had learned a lot about him, but only the little things. Things like what his favorite movie was as a kid and what kid shows he liked the most when he was little. It was sweet, but I craved more. Of course, that was always the moment Carly walked in the door and made sure reality slapped me good and hard across the face. 

It was oddly so easy to forget Rowan was married. They both worked so much it was rare to see them together, and when they were home at the same time, neither of them seemed fond of displaying affection in front of me. 

But, I digress. Rowan Madden was still a seemingly happily married man and I needed to just accept defeat and enjoy the little time I did get with the alpha. 

I was still worried he would one day walk up to me and say the dreaded, "I, Rowan Madden, reject you, Aleksander Atwood, as my mate." Though, I had a feeling Rowan wouldn't outright do something like that. It almost felt like something shifted inside of me. Like, instead of fearing that Rowan would mention our mate bond, I now feared he wouldn't mention the mate bond. What would I do if I just had to pretend the man I was already falling in love with just expected me to keep pretending we were nothing more than friends/boss and employee? 

I didn't even want to think about it. 

Today was my day off. Rowan was home and taking care of Rin so I found myself lying in bed, face squished into my pillow. I didn't get to sleep in often, so it was nice that they didn't mind me lounging around the house on my off days. 

I didn't want to overcrowd the Madden family by hanging around them when I wasn't supposed to, either. I knew my place. I was just the nanny, nothing less and definitely nothing more. 

I could hear little pitter pattering on the other side of my door, where Rin and Rowan were most likely awake and getting ready for the day. 

The sounds of my two favorite people moving about and laughing softly with each other were enough by themselves to gradually put me back to sleep.

I had another hour of rest before a soft knock on my door awoke me once again. 

"Come in." I softly called out, lifting my head from the pillow and peeking over the blanket resting on my shoulders to see who it was. 

"Hey, just wanted to check if you were hungry? I ordered some food from a cafe near here and their breakfast food is pretty good." Rowan stated, popping his head through the crack he made in the door. He had a soft smile on his face as he looked at me and I felt my heart beating harder against my rib cage. 

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude." 

Rowan's face immediately scrunched at my response and he shook his head.

"Of course not. Rin keeps asking me when you're going to join us. And. . .I'd also love to have you for breakfast--no wait! That didn't sound right. I meant, I would like if you joined us for breakfast." Rowan's hands gesture wildly around himself as he rushed to correct his own wording and I couldn't hold back the giggle bubbling up in my throat. He was such a cute alpha. 

"It's okay, Rowan. I'd love to join you for breakfast." I spoke through my own laughter, a hand over my mouth as I tried to piece together the words. 

Rowan's face was tomato red, but he had a gentle look on his face as he chuckled at himself with me. 

The alpha left me to get dressed and soon I was headed out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where an excited Rin crashed into my legs, just like he usually did. 

"Hey, bud. How's your day been with your dad so far?" I asked the kid, running a hand through his auburn hair. 

"Great! But even better now you're here!" My heart warmed at his comment and I herded us both to the dining table to have a seat. 

When Rowan finally walked into the kitchen from who knew where, his face was still slightly flushed and he kept looking down at his feet, acting all shy. It was adorable. 

"I hope you don't mind, but I grabbed a sausage, egg, and cheese bagel for you from the cafe. I thought maybe you'd like it?" Rowan mumbled, handing me a wrapped sandwich while he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. 

I took the sandwich and smiled widely at the man before exclaiming, "How'd you know? These are my favorite!" 

"Really? I just took a guess." Rowan shrugged noncommittally, a hint of pride in his eyes that gave him away. He was happy he picked something out for me that I liked.

It was little things like that, Rowan taking note of things I liked and letting me know my company was valued, that gave me so much hope. It felt like we had gotten closer in a way I never expected. I genuinely had grown to like Rowan for who he was as a person rather than just for the fated mate bond the Goddess decided to give us. It made it so much harder to remember the reality. 

A selfish part of me hoped with all hope that he and Carly weren't as happy as they seemed, and that hope always made me feel awful. I adored Carly and she deserved only the best. Rowan was definitely that. 

I often wondered what I did in a past life to deserve my fated mate to have chosen someone else over me, but regardless, I was just grateful to be able to stay close to Rowan, even if it wasn't in the capacity I wished for. 

We chatted lightly about unserious topics and Rowan and Rin both had me laughing until my face hurt. Spending time with them brought me so much joy, it erased all my problems and helped me to forget why I felt so anxious all the time. 

Of course, that was the moment Carly Madden walked into the kitchen with a big smile on her face.

"Hello my little lovelies! I got out super early today, so I thought we could have a family day! How's that sound?" Carly swooped in and announced, leaving Rin an excited bundle of joy in his seat at the table. 

"Good morning, Alek!" She added, pointing a beautiful smile in my direction. I repeated the greeting back just as sweetly. 

The smile Rowan shot at Carly had me nearly melted into a puddle on the floor. I almost wished I could stay there, under the table as a pile of goo that everyone would eventually just forget about. Nothing but a mere inconvenience for such a precious little family. An afterthought. 

His one dimple was on display and his eyes were impossibly soft as he looked at her. All love and affection swimming in his hazel gaze as his eyes jumped from Carly to Rin. 

"That sounds lovely, Sweetheart. Did you have anything in mind?" The alpha's voice sounded sickeningly sweet, all fond and warm just for Carly. That ugly feeling spiked sharply in my chest once again. 

"Let's just get out and we'll go from there, hm? What do you think, Rin?" The little boy jumped out of his seat and hugged Carly, nodding vigorously as he did.

"Yes! I wanna go see the lions! Can we go to the zoo, please?!" Both parents laughed softly at Rin and nodded in the affirmative. 

"Sure can. Let me just get out of these work clothes and then we'll go, okay?" Rin huffed, but let her go so she could get changed. Before heading out of the dining room, she stopped by Rowan and bent down to give him a peck on the cheek. 

I couldn't quite put into words how it felt like the entire world around me shattered like glass. I knew it was dramatic, but the first time seeing my fated mate interacting with his wife like they were actually married was not something I ever wanted to see. 

It felt like all hope I had grown over the last few weeks just evaporated into thin air. A sharp pang in my chest, more fierce than the last time, and I almost felt dizzy. 

Come on, Alek. You knew this was bound to happen. Just get over it. 

I breathed in deep to control my thoughts and looked at Rowan as I finally realized he had been talking to me. 

"--lek? Alek?" Concern was etched into his features and a little zap of guilt prodded alongside the pain in my chest. 

"Sorry, what was that?" I shook my head a little to regain awareness of my surroundings. Rin was probably getting his shoes on, so it was just Rowan and I. 

"Are you alright? You look a bit pale." 

"Oh, I'm fine! Don't worry about me. I think I'll just go lay down for a while. You three have fun." I forced a smile and it felt like I was splitting my face in half. I hoped he wouldn't notice. 

"Are you sure? You're more than welcome to come along." Rowan flashed another smile and more pain made itself a home behind my rib cage. 

"Oh no, I wouldn't dream of it.” Except I would, am, always will. “You guys rarely get to spend time together, just the family. Go and have fun. Rin is already so excited." Maybe I was just imagining things, but it looked almost like Rowan frowned ever so slightly at my words. 

"If you're sure. I'll come check on you later, then. Call if you need anything." The alpha still looked worried, but I decided to be selfish a little while longer and forgo trying to ease his worries by just escaping to my room as quickly as possible. 

"Thanks, tell Rin I said bye." I forced another smile on my face to point in his direction and then I was off. 

Maybe a little time away from everyone would ease the pain in my chest. If I just laid down for a while, surely I would feel better in no time.

. . .Right?

A/N~ Patreon subscribers get to read chapter 12 today, and you wanna know what's awaiting them? SNUGGLES! WOOHOO! Only $3/month to be able to read Alek and Rowan snuggling RIGHT NOW;) 

Check out my Patreon here! 

https://patreon.com/elizabethkay?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink

Come join me on Discord where I talk about my current projects and give little spoiler snippets of what I'm working on! You can also chat with other readers of my stories over there, too:)

https://discord.gg/jfQSUUctp6