Amaryllis wasn’t able to relax until well into the afternoon of the next day. The fear over being caught alone with a man set her heart pounding whenever she recalled Vincent silencing her.

She had not detected anything. Not a sound in the distance or the motions of someone moving around in the dark. She was lucky she’d been with a knight skilled enough to notice before they were found.

Logically, she knew the chances of a scandal were slim. There was little chance of any guests roaming about the back of the annex. The gardens were designed to have several, much more attractive and seemingly discrete areas for romantic tristes. So it must have been a servant or a guard walking past.

Which meant less of a problem, in a way, had they been caught. Her father had a tight control on his staff and unsavory rumors never left the castle walls. 

But still, she hated the idea of upsetting him. Especially when she knew that she was in the wrong.

That knowledge made her feel a bit guilty, but also rebellious. Wasn’t it her father’s fault in a way? If she were allowed to attend the banquets like everyone else. If he just had a little more faith in her abilities to not embarrass him. Then she wouldn’t need to meet Sir Vincent like this. She could be just like any other young noblewoman who was a bit enamored with a dashing knight.

If she could share a few dances with him, or even talk while supervised from a distant by her father and his aides, then she wouldn’t have to go to such lengths.

And Sir Vincent had been nothing but chivalrous and proper. He had always been respectful, caring, and mindful of her. The only part of their meetings that could be deemed improper was the late hour and lack of an escort which felt rather minor since they were only talking.

She’d seen women walking in the garden in broad daylight being far more scandalous. They'd clutch the arm of the man they were with to their chest and flutter their lashes enticingly. Resting her head on his shoulder hardly compared.

Amaryllis knew her arguments would mean absolutely nothing to her father if she said those things. If anything, they would only make him angrier. They were just justifications for her disobedience.

He had already relaxed his strict rules by giving her the responsibility of greeting guests after he left for the capital with the twins in a few weeks. Any requests for more would come off as greedy. If she was caught, her actions would be seen as a betrayal of that new trust. 

She knew that. She couldn’t deny that it was greedy either, but that didn’t stop her from wanting it anyways.

Her guilt and nerves kept her distracted most of the day. Even when her nursemaid arrived with a lavish gown in her arms and a gaggle of maids behind her, Amaryllis struggled to focus.

She felt at war within herself. Greed, anger, fear, and a touch of sadness all clashed as her thoughts swung wildly between them. Each train of thought constantly outdoing the other. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel.

Or how to get rid of the mess of emotions going on inside her.

***

“Focus,” her father hissed into her ear.

Amaryllis flinched, both at the sudden sound and his tight grip on her forearm. She could feel the wide band of his signet ring digging into her shoulder through the thin fabric of her dress. She bobbed her head quickly and he released her, disguising the gesture as a display of fatherly affection with a cold kiss to her temple.

“Sir Ludwig,” her father called to a nearby knight whose intricately embroidered collar spoke of a noble background. “How are you enjoying the wine? I had them bring in . . .”

Amaryllis did her best to look engaged despite her eyes flickering to the far corner of the room where Sir Vincent had his back to her.

The knight had not glanced her way even once for the entire hour she had been there. The other nights he’d at least met her eyes when she’d entered. However, tonight he was keeping as far away from her as possible. Almost as if he was making a point to avoid her.

She bit her lip and angled her gaze back to the knight her father was talking to. Was Sir Vincent also worried about almost being caught? Maybe he was just being a bit extra cautious. He could also simply be occupied.

She hadn’t exaggerated yesterday when she’d talked about the complaints. The maids were full of gossip about it. Many wanted a chance to talk with the handsome, but reclusive, knight. His aloof demeanor had only added to his allure among the guests.

Her efforts to be a good daughter were hardly her best that night, and her father dismissed her not long after his second reminder to focus. She was sure to get a lecture or at least a warning tomorrow, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Compared to the trouble she’d almost gotten into the night before that was nothing.

Amaryllis managed to stay idle in her room for half an hour before giving up and going outside. She knew it was wiser to wait in her room for the full hour they’d agreed upon, but her patience had run dry. She usually prided herself on being the patient one while her siblings, especially Romy, struggled, but tonight they would put her to shame. She’d never had such a hard time trying to wait.

With her shadow cloak in place, she was confident that she would not be caught even if someone did pass by without her noticing. Her senses were never going to be as good as a knight’s, but her magic was superior to the senses of those on guard.So long as she had mana they would never find her.

The small breeze drifting through the trees was enough to give her gooseflesh, and she absent mindedly rubbed her arms to warm them up. Perhaps her haste had been foolish. She should have at least taken some heat from the fireplace into her shadows to make her wait a bit cozier.

Amaryllis found herself wishing for Sir Vincent’s warmth, and hoped he’d arrive soon. While she’d been a bit uncomfortable with how he’d grabbed her the night before, she hadn’t felt the fear or aversion she often felt with the way her father grabbed her.

Was it merely her perception of her father that made his lips feel cold against her temple? Or was he actually cold? Was it something about knights that made them warmer than others? 

Her father had done some knight training as a young man, enough to know how to wield a blade. But hardly enough to get the powerful build of those who dedicated their lives to the sword.  

In fact, she wasn’t entirely sure how much her father even remembered from his training as a young man. Decades had passed since then, and she had never seen him go to the training grounds aside from brief trips to observe his men. He strapped an ornate blade to his waist from time to time, but that meant little. She’d wager it wasn’t even sharp.

The duke could probably fend off a small monster or an attack from another man for a short while. Just long enough for his personal guards to get there and step in. Anything more than that was probably beyond him.

The most physical thing he did was administer her lashings when she required discipline. Beyond that she couldn’t remember ever seeing him wield a proper weapon. The switch that went with his lectures hardly counted.

Unlike their father, her siblings always felt warm and cozy when they’d hugged and held hands, but it had been years since they’d acted so comfortably so that was hard to compare.

The few noblemen who took her hand in greeting were usually wearing gloves, or the encounters were so brief that she frankly could barely remember them. Although maybe that was telling in itself. Had they been remarkable enough to make her think back on them then she wouldn’t be struggling like this.

Amaryllis lost track of time as she tried to figure out if Sir Vincent’s touch was special, or she was just ignorant to how warm another person was. The moon was high in the sky and the air was cold. She could occasionally hear an owl in the distance and the chirping of crickets. Otherwise, the forest was quiet and still. She squinted, searching for his broad frame amongst the nearby trees.

Was he caught up at the banquet? Unable to leave due to the many people desiring his company? 

She bit her lip as doubt started to set in.  Had he decided not to come? Decided that she wasn’t worth the risk when there were so many other women to associate with?

The Tempest knights were headed to the capital after this. While she and Veronica were currently the only daughters of a ducal house, there were other noblewoman of high standing and wealth there. Not to mention the princesses who easily surpassed her both in rank and their reported talents.

Tears sprang to her eyes as soon as those thoughts came to her. A deep ache settled into her chest and a lump formed in her throat. She furiously wiped away her tears, admonishing herself for always jumping to the worst conclusion. There were many reasons that could have prevented him from meeting her. She shouldn’t be hasty. Not before he had a chance to explain himself.

Amaryllis waited for another hour before she ran out of ways to reassure herself and her doubts took hold. Another hour and her tears had dried up, leaving her with aching eyes and a growing sense of embarrassment while her slow steps took her back inside.