Ken's POV:

I ran out of that room, Lyle hesitated, then bolted out of his dorm as well. Fortunately I'm much faster than him.

"K-ken wait!" Lyle yelled after me.

I didn't look back when I heard him, or when I heard him stop running, or when I reached the end of the hall where my dorm is.

I opened my door, then promptly shut it. 

What the fuck was that? Why did I run away? He can't hurt me anymore, so why did I run away, just like I always do to my problems or when something gets harder that I'm comfortable with.

I'm such a screw up.

Just like he always told me.

No, deep breaths Kenneth. Call Bella.

With shaky hands, I pick up my phone and Dial her number, my beautiful girlfriend's number.

I don't deserve her, she has been there for me for about a year, she's been through all the shit I give her, all my baggage, I love her. She never hurt me, she never asked for more than I was willing to give her, well-

Beep!

"Hey Bella," I shakily spoke into my phone.

"Hullo love!" just her speaking softens my worry.

"Can you come over?" I asked her.

"Why~?" I know that tone, and I'm immediately annoyed, she wants something that I don't.

"You know why, to talk," I respond bluntly.

"I know, I know, just pulling your leg love," She laughed, "Be there in thirty"

I hung up, and waited.

Then waiting led to thinking.

Then thinking led to me questioning.

Why have I never kissed Bella? I mean like she obviously wants to. We've gotten into fights because I won't kiss her. Her argument is that we've had sex, but I still won't kiss her, and it's really not a big deal.

 But to me it is. 

I don't know why, but it grosses me the fuck out when I think of kissing Bella, or any woman for that manner. I can barely tolerate sex, I mean like it's fine, just not good. I swear she fucking jumps me sometimes, it's fine. 

I know I'm broken already, no need to rub it in. The guy girls throw themselves at finds them tolerable.

There's a knock at my door. 

Lo and behold, Bella walks into my dorm. Her golden hair and beautiful warm brown eyes that crinkle when she laughs. She's wearing a beat-up sweater and jeans. Fuck, my previous thoughts creep in. 

Screw up, can't even find her as pretty as-

"What's up love?" she asks me. I don't normally call her like this. I usually cram school into my head. 

Wanting to be a lawyer to support my family and all. If I get below a certain grade, well, then I'm fucked. Royally.

"I fucked up, there's this guy that I think is really cool and we've started to become really good friends right? So today I went into his dorm after Mr. Verse's class, and apparently he was calling his sister right? So I made the dumb joke about him dating his sister, because he was getting really flustered, and he's really cute when his face is like that is face so I kept pushing, he got really mad at that joke, and he told me that he was gay. So... I ran," I just started spewing words out, it just kept coming and coming. 

Screw up.

"Hold up, let me unpack this real quick... So why exactly made you run?" Bella questioned me.

 "I... I guess it's because of my dad. When I was 6, I had a friend who I spent all of my time with, we were inseparable. One day he kissed another boy, they 'dated', it was all innocent. But the boys were criticized, so they broke up, my best friend was bullied because his 'ex' was questioned and he lied and said that my friend forced him. I stood up for him. The other kids my age were scared of me. Then those little putas got their older brothers beat him up, the fucking 6 year old. I tried to stop them. Got the shit beat out of me, and was forced to watch my friend get kicked and punched mercilessly.

 All because he liked a boy. Went home, told my dad to try to get some justice right? Apparently he had already found out, and he was pissed... At me for defending my best friend. Got hospitalized and my nose broken," I traced my nose, it never healed properly, " I never spoke to my friend again, committed suicide when he was 14. 

I haven't talked about my dad much, he hasn't been my life since I was 13, got arrested after he tried to kill Vic and me, mom thought that day he went too far. That one day, not the hundreds of other times. Bastard got away with 2 years in jail and my mom moved to Cali, never told him. They are still legally married, because she never wanted to divorce him. Stupid woman."

"That- that's horrible Ken," Bella looked at me shocked. I never told her this, this is the one thing I've kept from her.

"Well can't erase the past right? I know being gay isn't wrong, and it's been years since I've seen my dad or met anyone who outright hated the LGBTQIA+, but I've never been close to a gay person before, and I'm scared that I might accidently hurt Lyle with my past, I'm scared I might become my dad," I never verbally said that before. 

...

It felt good. Like a weight on my chest found it's wings, and flew away.