Oliver's POV 

Is it wrong that I'm frustrated?

I just got removed from my dorm room. 

But then again, Ken wants Lyle's company more than mine, I knew he didn't like me. I take up too much space. I am too much.

Lyle's sweet, so that's nice. He apologized so much about this, and his roommate, now mine, Marcus, is also polite. He helped me move and was kind throughout this entire thing. 

I need a walk. 

I wasn't always fat, I was average once. Then there was the lockdown. And I started stress eating, and we were stuck inside... 

I mean, I have nice features, blond, brown eyes, but I hate how I look. I used to stop eating, but it felt like my body was ripping skin from bone, blood, tendons, everything hurt. It felt like hunger had become an entity and was slowly killing me. I didn't want to die, I wanted to be skinny.

Of course, my fat ass can't take a day or two of not eating.

I look at myself in the mirror, and I can't meet my eyes. I feel guilty. I let myself become this ghoul. This ugly monster. I grip the sink, tight at first, but then I lose the motovation to hurt myself. 

I sigh and leave a note for Marcus. 

Taking a walk, see you soon- Oliver

I grabbed my jacket and tried to shove my bloated body into the fabric, hoping I didn't look as fat as I am. I am so ugly.

Why am I so ugly?

I look up into the night sky, the world is dunked in darkness, beautiful inkiness, creatures stirring in the shadows, becoming alive in the death of light. It's a cloudy night, but the crescent moon cuts through the fog like a delicate dagger. 

The air is crisp and exactly what I desire at this moment in time. 

I pace the streets, looking up every so often, and the street lamps look like havens of light in the ocean of night.

It's times like these that I want to write, create a tapestry of words that weave together, inspiring imaginations. 

I'm just not that spectacular of a writer, an artist if you will. I cannot invoke the emotions that I wish, I am not like my predecessors.

I stop by a convenience store and pick up some snacks. I need to eat something; my nerves are on edge. 

I walk back to the dorm more slowly, reminding myself that I no longer live with Ken. I need to talk to Al about this. They know how to make me feel safe and secure. 

I text them about coming over soon.

They respond and say that they will be able to tomorrow.

Splendid.

I enter the dorm and smell something cooking.

I wander towards the smell, and I'm surprised to see that Marcus is the person behind this.

"Oh, hey, I saw your note! Uh, I'm just cooking some food for myself, I made too much, do you want some though?" Marcus cheerfully asks.

Don't be weird, don't be weird, don't use your vocabulary, freak- "Yeah, I'd love to, thank you."

I feast on Masgouf (grilled fish), which Marcus kindly informs me that what I am eating is what his mother loves cooking for him. 

This day was adequate.  I suppose. I did not ruin it, so that is a win.