Chapter 12 - So Cold

I had no idea how I got there. 

Okay, that was a lie. I knew how I got there, but I didn't know how I wound up in that position. 

The television playing soft sounds from whatever show was on was what I woke up to. Warmth surrounded me from every angle, a gentle weight settled on my head while my face was smushed into soft cotton underneath me. 

It took me a second to even remember where I was. 

The couch. I did remember how I wound up there. Rin insisted that I come out of my room later in the day to watch TV with him and Rowan. Carly had left on a business trip the day before so the weekend was left to just the three of us. 

We sat up for a while watching whatever Rin wanted, but eventually it was time for the little ray of sunshine to go to bed, which left Rowan and I alone on the couch.  

After Rowan had put his son to bed, he came back out and offered to watch a movie with me. I couldn't deny the alpha, even if I wanted to--which I didn't--so of course I said yes. 

I couldn't say what we watched. I was far too busy stealing glances at Rowan to have paid any attention to the screen and trying hard to forget the sweet interaction he had with Carly just a few days prior. Regardless, I didn't remember ever saying goodnight or getting up to leave the living room. That explained why I was still out there, I must have fallen asleep during the movie. 

I was comfortable for once and didn't have any intention of moving. Hopefully Rowan wouldn't mind finding me on the couch once he woke up, I didn't want to leave. 

I nuzzled my face further into the soft material below me and gasped when my pillow started moving. 

My eyes shot open and I took in my surroundings. 

Rowan was sitting above me, his head lolled to the back of the couch, eyes closed with deep breaths flowing through him. The weight on my head was his hand, fingers still tangled in my hair from when he must have started playing with it. 

My head was rested gently on his thigh and my brain completely short circuited. How am I cuddling with Rowan Madden right now?!

I noticed a blanket was laid out on top of me and my heart warmed.

I wanted to move even less than I did before, and felt horrible for making sure Rowan was asleep before snuggling in closer to him. 

I pulled the blanket up to my chin and rubbed my cheek against Rowan's thigh, a small part of me instinctually trying to scent the alpha. 

It felt like I was doing something illegal, but I still wasn't fully awake and just wanted to enjoy the only time I'd ever get to be this close to my fated mate. 

I wanted to allow myself to indulge in this just a little while longer. My chest throbbed at the idea of never being able to have this again, not once Rowan woke up and realized the position we were in. But, Rowan clearly was the one to let me fall asleep like this and evidently started playing with my hair before he also fell asleep, so surely some of the blame could be put on him. 

My eyes began growing heavy again and I almost fell back to sleep before the hand on my head started moving. I melted into the soft strokes of my hair before I snapped out of it. If Rowan was messing with my hair, then he was awake. 

I shot up and off his lap, his hand falling from my hair as I jumped to the other end of the couch and squeaked, "I'm so sorry!"

Rowan had a soft look in his eyes, looking at me like he knew something I didn't. A perfectly groomed brow arched up in a judgmental look, but I could tell he was just teasing me.

"If I wanted you to move, I would have asked." Something about Rowan's tone of voice turned my insides into mush. I gulped.

"Oh. . .?" Rowan sat against the couch like nothing in the world mattered. Confidence oozed out of him, his legs spread lazily in front of him as he stared at me, almost challenging me to question him. Where did the soft and shy Rowan run off to, and who did he leave in his place?

"Come here?" He offered that statement as a question, making sure I knew I had a choice. His hand gestured for me to come closer. I didn't want to think too much about what this meant, so I swallowed down my questions and slowly laid back down to how I was before. 

"Are you sure this is okay?" My voice was quiet, cheeks flushed a bright red as I tried to figure out if this was all just a dream. 

"Absolutely. You were almost asleep again and I can see how tired you've been lately. I just want to help you rest up." It seemed as if Rowan reeled in his cocky stature for me and I was grateful, but the confident attitude he had toward me left a residual heat building in my lower stomach that I couldn't get to settle. 

Eventually, what he said seemed to finally register in my brain. You were almost asleep again. . . He was awake the whole time, wasn't he?

Rowan put his hand back in my hair and gently maneuvered me to turn on my side toward him, letting my face nuzzle into his stomach. I took a deep breath and my lungs were filled to the brim with Rowan's cedar wood and vanilla scent. I grew lax in his arms and my eyes started to feel heavy again. 

"That's it, just relax. You were resting so well, you can go back to sleep for me, okay?" Butterflies swarmed my stomach but I was far too tired to analyze that, so with another soft breath full of Rowan's scent, I drifted off into sleep once again. 

I could pull apart this entire interaction once I woke up. Or maybe I wouldn't have to, maybe this all really was just a dream. 

When I woke up a few hours later, it was to an empty house. The blanket was tucked around me on all sides, making me feel like a burrito, yet I was alone on the couch and felt nothing but cold.

The TV was off and I couldn't hear Rin's soft feet pattering across the floors or gentle chatting anywhere within the house. 

A bone deep ache nestled itself back into my chest when I saw that Rowan's car keys were no longer in their designated spot on the hooks by the front door. 

Dejected, I hauled myself off the couch and slowly made my way back to my own room, the backs of my eyes stinging at the implications of rejection coming from Rowan yet again. 

Please stop getting your hopes up, Alek. It's killing you.

Sniffling, I got under the covers of my own bed and pulled the blanket Rowan had placed over me earlier closer to my face, still faintly smelling of the alpha. I didn't understand why I was so much more tired lately, but laying half in Rowan's lap was the best sleep I had gotten in ages. 

Regardless, the ache in my chest took so much of my energy to ignore. If I slept, I wouldn't have to feel it.

If I slept, I wouldn't have to think about how Rowan didn't want me. 

If I slept, then I could dream about waking up to my alpha holding me close like that every day. His hand would be tangled in my hair again in the early mornings as he whispered how much he loved me. 

Then I could tell him how much I loved him back. 

Wanna read this chapter from ROWAN'S POV? Now you can! It's up on Patreon and Ream, but be aware that some things not meant to be revealed in the official story until later, are revealed in this chapter! I hope to see you there! You can also read chapter 13 one week early over there, as well!:)

Read it on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/130856698?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

Read it on Ream: https://reamstories.com/elikay