I can’t stop my chuckle.

“You’re going to get your degree or certification, not so you have to work, but that you can if you want to. Make your own money to keep because I’ll always make sure to provide.”

“Why?" She makes a show of searching my face, turning it to and fro like it'd unveil the truth. "Ya not worried about secret savings or emergency stashes?”

“No. In fact, I want you to make one. Because if I do my job right, you’ll never even think to consider using it." I can see I've won a few more points with that, judging by how wide her eyes are getting. "And when we’re old and gray, and I statistically die before you, you’ll be alright.”

Fuck. Why did I keep going? The regret is instant, and I can't fault her as she pushes me away to sit up. 

"What the fuck, dude? Don’t say that!” Her jaw and hands are clenched so tight I'm surprised she didn't smack me. I know I want to. 

"That was poor wording. I'm not saying that to alarm you or make you feel like shit," I start, reaching out for Keisha. She resisted letting me touch her at first, the same hand she used to wave me off, trembling as she freed her hair like it would relieve the tension. 

"Angel..."

“Princess," I say, reaching for her one more time. She thankfully doesn't resist as I cup her face. Air finally fills my lungs as she leans into it. We both let the connection soothe the strain between us, "I might hide things, but I don’t want to lie to you from this point forward, and that includes being realistic. One day, I’ll leave this earth,” I murmur, drawing her stray locs away. Despite flinching at the last word, Keisha inches closer, taking my other hand in hers. “But until then, I will show you what it’s like to be loved inside out.”

“I...I understand that. So why the trial period if you’re so excited to build a life with me?”

“It’s about how we build it. I don't want to be your kidnapper-slowly-turned-boyfriend. I don’t want that casting a shadow over you anytime you feel like something isn’t fair or we have a disagreement. I want you as a partner, not a living doll. Your personality attracted me, and I want it just the way it is.” 

“Even though..." Keisha squeezes my hands in short bursts as she starts rocking a little, taking deep breaths. As she stares down at her lap, her hair cascades down, and I can see her entire face. It just hits me how well she's healed; that cut in her lip had been deep and should've taken two weeks to heal itself, but we'd even kissed yesterday without her seemingly in pain. Same for the cut by her hairline. If I hadn't know it been recent, I wouldn't have even noticed the faint raised scar. Huh.

Peering deeper at her, I find my eyes drawn to Keisha's mouth. Due to her belly-breathing, I can see inside everytime she exhales. Interestingly enough, it looks like there's a faded tattoo on her tongue rigth now. Yet, every other blink, it goes away. Either it's a trick of the light or she had a tattoo she didn't tell the chat about...Nah. It must be a trick of the light. As her breathing evens, I shake the thought away, hopefully ready for whatever she says. Just as Keisha opens her mouth to speak, she suddenly stops rocking from side to side.

"Sorry, that's--fuck, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I'm not like, I-I...I'm a little strange. I-I know that," she rasps. My knee-jerk reaction is to reassure her of the opposite, but I only nod because it's not untrue. Not that she sees the movement; her eyes are glued to her lap, still in an almost thousand-yard stare.

"I know you think you understand that, but...I don't think you're really prepared. I don't want you to like, ya know, stay when you figure out I'm, uh, erratic, ou-out of obligation.”

This time, I'm the one squeezing her hand, the silent pressure making her turn to me. Her eyes appear to glow in the lamplight, yet they seem devoid of any tale as she braces herself.

“That's the point of slowing down. I want to give us a fair chance to be ourselves and learn what it looks like for us to be together. Clearly, we aren't ever going to be normal...but we can find something that's our normal.”

Kiesha comes edges closer, even as she gnaws at her bottom lip. I try not to make too much of a reaction as she lays back on the pillow beside me. 

“If you wanted a real relationship so bad, why’d you take me?”

“Taking you wasn't Plan A. I really wanted to wine and dine you and ease you into how obsessed I was," I confess. "Take you out on dates while I was still in North Carolina. Keep up with video calls and whatnot when I leave. Slowly pull you in."

"Oh, Angel," she scoffs, her brows furrowed in what can only be described as bemused. "That was unnecessary. I'm so easy."

The admission startles a laugh out of me. "Keisha!"

"Seriously. You had me from the moment you called me beautiful. Hell, I probably would've let you fuck me in your car after coffee." 

"Oh lord."

"No, but seriously. Why?"

All the levity dries up in my spirit as the phone call comes back to me. She senses the drop, nervously caressing my cheek as I close my eyes briefly. When I'm sure I've had a tight grip on the still unresolved blur of emotions, I let myself gaze back at her. To think that this moment may have never happened, not when...

"I heard the moment you gave up,” my voice still cracks despite my effort.

She didn’t ask for elaboration, the realization dawning on her face. 

“Angel. I-I was just-“

“I know, baby." Kissing her forehead, I let my lips linger as I try to swallow what I know won't be helpful words. "We’ll address that later, but for now, you," I try to smile as I draw back, "deserve rest and to be the princess you are.”

Keisha drops the topic with a short nod, tucking her legs against mine.

“I have a month to see if I want to stay?”

“Yes.” 

“And I can leave before then?”

“Yes. You’re not bound to the house. I have two vehicles, so you can always go out whenever you want.”

“And we’ll talk a lot about what we want?”

“We? You know what I want. It's about what you want.”

“That’s cute," she mocks with an eye roll. The act is softened by her arm draping across my waist as she joins me on my pillow. "But I need to get to know you too. And you need to get to know me in real life. You know of my habits and hobbies, but you don’t know what it’s like to live with them. I don’t know what it’s like to live with yours.”

“Fair.”

“I know you love me in your own way, but I don’t know if I’m the girl in your head…”

“And that’s okay because I know you’re just as worth taking a chance on.”

I only catch her chewing her lip before Keisha glued herself to my shoulder. Just as I start to open my mouth, I feel the hot tears spill.