“Check him out. Revelator.”

“Pfft! My guy thinks he’s some sort of mad prophet.”

“Don’t make fun of him. He might call bears down on us.”

I hear the laughter of the newly spawned level one characters, but hardly register it. Instead I stand at the edge of Bluebell Village, long hair blowing in the wind, double-checking my gear.

[Jackalope Hide Cap level 2, cap made of jackalope hide.

Armor: 12]

[Jackalope Hide Jerkin level 2, jerkin made of jackalope hide.

Armor: 21]

[Jackalope Hide Fighting Trousers level 2, fighting trousers made of jackalope hide.

Armor: 14]

[Jackalope Hide Boots level 2, boots made of jackalope hide.

Armor: 13]

[Jackalope Hide Gloves level 2, gloves made of jackalope hide.

Armor: 12]

[x2 Antler Ring level 1, a primitive ring made of antler.

+5 HP]

[Antler Necklace level 1, a primitive necklace made of antler.

+15 HP]

[Wooden Great Shield level 3, a sturdy wooden shield.

Shield durability: 600/600]

[Wooden Sword level 1, sword used by trainees.

Damage 8-12 (adjusted 14-21)

Ok, maybe I do look like a mad prophet in this getup, all decked out in animal skin, fur and antlers. But my gear is just as good as the best armor the blacksmith sells, and it was free, minus the coin I had to pay for the twine and the Armor Crafting skill book.

Right now, besides working hard to upgrade my armor and make myself as defensible as possible, I’m focused on frugality, ensuring I can invest every last copper into health potions.

With that in mind, I’ve just finished crafting and selling the cheapest items I could make using the loot from my last battle. At one minute spent crafting each item, it took me over three hours, including an extra hour I spent learning the Cooking skill, and preparing all of the meat in my inventory.

But my effort was worth it, since I more than doubled the coin I could have gotten for those items if I’d sold them as they were. Still, it was only enough to net me 73 potions. Added to the 11 potions I had leftover from my battle with the jackalopes, I’m headed back into battle with 60 more HP than I had last time, 24 extra armor, and 84 health potions.

I only hope it will be enough to keep me alive against the level three mobs.

[Quest: Mad Wim’s Miracle Potion

Collect fifteen Sneezeweed blossoms to help Mad Wim the alchemist with his experiment.

Reward: Potion of Eternal Life]

Ah, yes. This guy. Unlike Grandma and the boy with his dog, this NPC gave me a good deal of trouble when I tried interacting with him. Rude, sarcastic, a bully who insulted me at least once with every breath, he’d stood outside his hut with a shroomlet in his arms who looked rather worse for wear. His test subject, Tess, he called her, and what did he claim she’d be able to prove? That he’d found the key to nothing short of everlasting life! But Wim had run out of sneezeweed, an essential component needed to perform his final test.

“It only grows on graves, and I’ve already picked our local cemetery bare. But you’ll be able to find more in the old cemetery over on the north side of the slough—you do know which way north is? They stopped burying people there after it became waterlogged and turned all of Bluebell’s dearly departed into sloppy zombies,” he’d said, chuckling meanly to himself. “You look nervous. Don’t worry, Princess, the priest took care of our little undead infestation. The biggest thing you’ll have to worry about are some overgrown toads from the slough. I’d go beat them off myself with a stick, it’s just I have this horrible aversion to warts, see? But it’s not like a few warts will make you any uglier.”

Ha ha. I wonder if he gives that line to every player? Or did the bully character just pick me as an easy target? He wouldn’t be the first…

The map shows me the way to the old cemetery. After the fields where I fought shroomlets and jackalopes is the marsh with a dense growth of trees which hides the area’s boss, Baba Yaya. The shortest route takes me straight through those trees, but there’s no way I’m going there. I’ll take the long way around.

On the way I encounter a few shroomlets and jackalopes. Rather than round them up and kill them slowly with my aura, I dispatch them with my wooden sword. It takes a minute or so. It’s a task I’d be able to do much easier with a greater Strength stat and an upgraded weapon, but until I level up my aura, I’ll have to supplement my battles in this way. And what better way to level it up than on higher level mobs? I just hope Mad Wim was right, and the monsters waiting for me in the old cemetery aren’t zombies. It’s been a while since I’ve had to despawn and settle my racing heart, but if I have to meet an undead face to face, forget despawning, I’ll probably faint.

Coming around the swamp, I see gravestones in the distance. Between these I see large brownish lumps, glistening reflectively beneath the always bright starter area sun. One of them shifts suddenly and hops low to the ground. I gulp.

The toads.

I come closer, noticing some of the graves are open. But so far as I can see, there are no undead shambling around. And, growing atop the remaining undisturbed graves, I see clusters of orangish yellow blossoms.

Sneezeweed. My quest item. But I’ll pick them after, I decide, straightening myself on the edge of the cemetery and pulling two cooked Jackalope Skewers from my pack.

[Jackalope Scewer, wild meat on a stick.

+20 HP for 10 minutes]

I eat them both only to find the health doesn’t stack; the timer just resets to ten minutes when I eat the second one. Bummer. But I’ll take the twenty extra health.

“Enable skill. Shroomlet aura.”

Poosh! The leveled up skill is darker than I remember it being at level one, an unpleasant brownish cloud that looks like it certainly must have an odor, though it doesn’t seem to. With a diameter of thirty feet, it takes me no time at all to aggro my first mobs.

Unlike the jackalopes, I find the toads slow opponents. They attack with gobs of sticky slime launched from their large mouths, and less often but far more concerning, with whip-like tongues, which tangle around my limbs. One of them even manages to get its tongue around my shield arm, and in my panic I lose my grip, dropping my shield to the ground.

I can’t stop to grab it. Already another pink tongue is lashing out, catching at my ankles, nearly tripping me.

[-20 HP]

Be calm, I remind myself when I feel my heart start to race. They’re slow. Clumsy. You just have to stay a few steps ahead of them.

More mobs are being aggroed. Soon I’ve got every fat toad in the squishy graveyard hopping after me with big plopping sounds, having their health slowly drained by the shroomlet aura. I feel their slime coating my back, each blob hitting like a solid ball that jars me just a bit.

[-25 HP]

[-31 HP]

They hit harder than shroomlets and jackalopes, that’s for sure. Without my potion stash, I wouldn’t dare draw the attention of so many. But thanks to my efforts, the graveyard is clear of mobs, and several players dash in, some laughing at the spectacle I’m making, others calling thanks as they harvest the quest item.

“Damn it,” I curse as a ball of slime comes at me from the left side. I could have easily deflected that with my shield, but—where the hell did I drop it?

There, I see it, between two brightly colored batches of sneezeweed. Do I dare?

Another ball of slime hits me at close range in the side of the head, and I curse, feeling like I got smacked with a dodgeball.

[-30 HP]

[-28 HP]

[-23 HP]

[-27 HP]

My health is dropping faster than the potions can heal. Without my shield to intercept at least some of the damage, I won’t last the eight some minutes it will take me to kill all of these guys.

Picking up speed, I double back around and run straight for my shield. I’m nearly on it when I feel a tongue catch my ankle, and I go down hard, skidding in the scum and the muck, getting a face full of it. A toad lands atop my back and with a shout of primal rage I manage to yank it by the leg and hurl it off, sending it cartwheeling through the air like a shooting star.

[Heart rate accelerating. 138 BPM. Automatic system shutdown if heart rate reaches 150 BPM.]

I hardly notice the warning, my focus is so fixed on the shield. Army crawling the last few feet, I manage to yank it up and roll with it just as the barrage of toads hits.

I punch with my shield, throwing them off of me. Their tongue and slime attacks continue to slap me, but I am determined to find my feet—without using my sword to beat them off. If these toads take even one point of damage from a weapon other than my aura skill, it won’t get the experience it needs to level up.

[Heart rate 145 BPM. Automatic system shutdown if heart rate reaches 150 BPM.]

“Like—I—give—a—F*CK!” I shriek, somehow jumping to my feet, calling on every last point in my Agility stat to leap right over the mountain of toads, landing in a squat behind them.

[HP critically low!]

Forty health and draining fast. I bite the corks out and guzzle two potions at once as I start to run again, slipping in the mud, struggling to keep my footing as the toads get themselves turned around and resume their chase.

Seven minutes to go…

“Get a load of the prophet over here!”

“Did you get any revelations meditating in the swamp, Revelator?”

“Careful, he’ll call fire down on your head!”

Laughter rings out as I step into the village, hide armor dripping mud. I can’t understand why I should be getting so much attention over starter area armor crafted out of common loot, but as I look around I see no one else has it equipped. Is it really that ugly? Or is it just that they couldn’t be bothered to learn the skill and craft the armor themselves? It only takes a single minute per piece. Besides, it was free.

Back at the alchemist’s hut, the NPC takes one look at my figure and bursts into laughter. I feel myself go red beneath his gaze. I see Mad Wim’s certainly stayed in character as the town bully, even if he doesn’t remember our last encounter.

“Well, now, it doesn’t matter what you had to do to get the sneezeweed, the important thing is that you’ve got it. You have got it, haven’t you?”

[Would you like to turn in the quest items for quest: Mad Wim’s Miracle Potion?]

“Here,” I say, and hand the blossoms over. I get a bundle of experience, but my character doesn’t level up. Annoyed, weary after my tussle with the toads, I turn to go.

“Wait up, where do you think you’re going?” Mad Wim glares at me. “You forgot your reward. Come inside.”

Reward? Ah yes, what did the quest promise? A potion of eternal life? I scoff. Ordinarily I wouldn’t even bother to pick such a thing up, but it happens I need money at the moment, so I can’t turn down Mad Wim’s potion. Even if I can only sell it for a single copper, that’s still money I can use to buy more health potions.

I follow the alchemist inside his dark hut, where his test subject, the poor shroomlet Tess, sits shivering inside a crude cage, covered in scratches and bruised patches.

“Tell me, young man,” Mad Wim says, milling the flowers instantly and dropping them inside a small bubbling pot, “do you believe in miracles?”

“Not really…”

“Hm,” he smirks with self-satisfaction as he pours out the orangish liquid into three glass vials. “You’re about to…”