Luneth

My head was pounding. My stomach churned. My heart felt like it was confined in a shrinking box, fighting for space to beat.

All I wanted to do was take a nap, but too many thoughts were flowing through my brain.

I flipped around on my bed and pressed my face against my pillow, trying to drown out the crack of sunlight flowing in between the blind and wall. 

A couple of minutes ago, June had finally untied Zerick and guided him and Riven into the living room, where they were now. I could occasionally hear their voices, but not what they were saying. It didn’t really matter though, since I just wanted to rest.

I had gotten about an hour to talk with Riven alone, but at that point, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to talk to him about us yet. I was hoping to do that today, but that obviously didn’t work out. 

I had so much I wanted to say, yet somehow so little. I knew what I wanted to talk about, but I didn’t know how to talk to him about it.

I lifted my head up a little, noticing the area above where my cheeks were was slightly damp. I wiped the tears off my face and flipped the pillow onto the other side before pressing my face back into it.

Did he know how hard it was? To see him in the training grounds, to watch him walk through town, his eyes sliding past me like he had never seen me before? To see that ring on his finger and know that for him, it was just a piece of metal?

My fists clenched, leaving deep indents in my palm… and then released. My mind emptied as I fell into a restless sleep for what felt like an eternity.

A sharp rap on the door jolted me up. Somehow, I felt more tired than I did a couple of hours ago. 

“Luneth?” It was Riven.

I pushed myself up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. “Yeah?”

The door creaked slightly as it opened. Riven stood in the doorway, his expression unreadable. “June’s making something to eat before… you know.”

Before we run for our lives.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I stood and walked past him, careful not to brush his arm. The space between us was tense, filled with four years of unspoken words.

***

The hours crawled by. Dusk began to settle, painting the room in an orange light. 

June, in a rare display of seriousness, had outlined the routines of everyone who was usually out late at night. Zerick added the operatives’ overlapping schedules, his finger tracing invisible lines on the coffee table. 

It was a mess. 

There were barely any blind spots, and those that did exist were only open for a minute or two at most. It was a miracle that Riven and I had been able to make it back to the house last night.

“I already told you, this is suicide,” I stated flatly, looking at the invisible map.

“It’s not completely suicide,” Zerick corrected with a grim smile. “The odds are just extremely small!”

I traced the purple engravings on my ring subconsciously and glanced at Riven.

I sighed softly and pushed myself up. “I need to talk to Riven. Alone.”

June and Zerick exchanged a look. June shrugged. “Don’t take too long. We move in an hour.”

I nodded and walked back to my room, Riven following behind me. My heart pounded in a nervous rhythm against my ribs. When he entered the room, I closed the door, my room filling with an empty silence.

I thought it was a good idea to get rid of the tension between us before our grand escape, but I was having second thoughts.

I gestured toward the bed to have him sit down, and he did. I placed my back to the wall, directly in front of him.

“Four years ago.” Still not knowing what to say, I just began talking, hoping my mouth would figure it out on its own. My voice was barely a whisper. “When you told me to leave you… to run…”

His beautiful green eyes widened, and he reached out a hand. “Luneth, I-.”

“Let me finish.” My voice was cold. It was strange, since I hadn’t intended for it to come out that way.

He nodded.

“I was so angry, Riven. So, so angry. For years. I was angry that you made that choice, a choice that had so much more weight than you would’ve ever known at the time. I was angry, but I was terrified. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”

He nodded once more, a small gesture of defeat. His face flickered with a strange emotion. Guilt? His jaw tightened, his gaze falling from mine to the carpet.

I looked up at the ceiling. “I spent weeks trying to avoid you and any thoughts about you because it… it hurt,” I continued, my voice trembling now. “But, I couldn’t. My mind slowly broke down over time, and then… I saw you again. It must’ve been a year or two after that night.

“I had decided to go to the arena for the first time in years. Even now, I don’t know why I made that decision.”

Part of me didn’t want to relive it, but my mouth told him the memory exactly how I remembered it.

***

I slipped into the shadowed upper stands, the same place I used to watch from as a child.

The cracked stone of the arena floor below was bathed in the light of dusk, and a beautiful sunset filled with purple, blue, and orange filled the sky.

I took a deep breath of the crisp air and brought my gaze down from the sky and onto the center of the arena.

Two figures.

My breath caught in my throat.

One figure was Riven. I turned to leave, but my eyes brushed over the other… Someone I recognized too well.

Livia.

It was Riven’s sister.

I froze.

Both of their silver hair shimmered in the sunlight.

They stood perfectly still, neither of them raising their swords.

Livia’s voice, soft as always, echoed faintly across the arena. I couldn’t hear what she said, but I saw her smile.

A sad smile.

Then she took a step forward and unsheathed her blade, not at Riven, but away from him. She turned it in her hand, offering him the hilt. 

I sucked in a sharp breath.

The scene below me shifted. I was back in the stands as a child, clutching my father’s hand, watching another pair in nearly the exact same position.

Only now, it was Riven and Livia, not their parents.

Riven’s arms hung at his sides.

The silence stretched. Riven shook his head.

And then he dropped his sword.

The metal clanged against the stone.

Livia’s sad smile faltered. Her shoulders shook.

In a heartbeat, she closed the distance between them. Her arms wrapped around Riven, and he staggered back a step.

Slowly, his arms curled around her. Tightly. Like he was trying to keep her from leaving.

Livia’s head buried against his shoulder. 

A tear slid down her cheek. 

Riven’s voice cracked as it echoed upward. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m not strong enough. I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

She pulled away just enough to look up at him. Her hands gently cupped his face. Her smile returned, it was shaky, but real.

It wasn’t sad this time, it was proud. 

Livia was younger than Riven, but at that moment, she looked much, much older.

I saw Riven’s posture stiffen. Despite the fact that Livia definitely noticed the two black figures rushing toward her from behind, she calmly reached up and brushed a strand of silver hair off his forehead. She said something, this time barely loud enough for me to hear.

Three words. The three words that held the most weight in our world. Words we didn’t say unless we meant them completely.

A promise, and a goodbye.

“I love you.”