Present Day, Maldonado

The kiss was gentle at first, tentative in a way I’d never known Yun Seo to be, as if he hadn’t completely decided to follow through. While I wasn’t any more certain, I had to admit that on some level I’d known we would end up here eventually. Even if this was the last time we touched, even if this was a farewell rather than the beginning of something new, I wanted a memory to take with me that wasn’t overshadowed by the way things had ended. 

Soon our kisses became desperate, Yun Seo’s fingers weaving into my hair and gripping tight while I crawled onto the couch and pushed him down against the cushions, slipping my hands beneath his t-shirt to touch the feverish skin beneath. His legs framing my hips, he arched against me until I moaned into his mouth, surprised by how quickly the pressure made me weak with need. 

“Bedroom,” we gasped in unison as soon as we came up for air, and then laughed, realizing that for the first time in a long time we were completely in sync. Physical contact had always been our preferred method of communication, at least regarding things that neither of us were good at expressing in words, and after so long apart we both had a lot to say. 

I felt suddenly uncertain as we made the way to the bed, wondering how he would expect things to play out and afraid that he would begin ordering me around to keep himself from feeling vulnerable. A part of me I’d rather not acknowledge found that idea appealing, but the rest worried about how I would feel afterward. He’d finally told me how much he cared, but if he went back to keeping me at a distance, then I would begin to doubt the truth of those words. 

As it turned out, I needn’t have worried. Giving me a quiet smile, he turned to face me as he backed his way through the bedroom, taking off his t-shirt and only breaking eye contact at the last possible second. Remembering how hesitant he’d been the first time he let me see him, I was surprised by how quickly he bared himself now, at least until I saw the look of determination in his gaze. He was fighting his own instincts to prove to me – and perhaps to himself as well – that he wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable in that way in front of me anymore.

“How do you want to do this?” I murmured against his cheek as I stepped in close, trapping him gently against the side of the mattress.

“You decide,” he said as if it made no difference to him, tugging at my clothes with an impatience that belied his casual tone. As he helped me strip my clothing away, he pulled me toward the bed and eventually on top of him. The fact that he had positioned us this way suggested he cared more about the arrangement than he was admitting, but I couldn’t tell if he was making himself vulnerable for my benefit or because it was what he wanted.

Braced above him, I hesitated. He’d only let me take the lead once before and I’d been so overcome by grief and confusion at the time that I hadn’t had space to worry about whether I was doing things well. I felt anxious now, worried I would bring this uneasy truce between us to an end by making the wrong move.

“Stop worrying,” he said with another soft smile. Tracing a thumb over my eyebrow to soothe the furrows of worry in my expression, he added, “I don’t have any expectations. We can do as much or as little as you want.”

That comment got me moving, because whatever else I was feeling, I’d been longing for him for too long to settle for a few kisses and a cuddle. I began to touch him, enjoying the way his breath tickled against my cheek with every gentle caress. When I brushed against his entrance, he reached over to the bedside table to fish something out of the drawer and hand it to me, clearly eager for me to continue.

Kissing him, I took the lube and began to open him up, mirroring the movements of my fingers with my tongue until he slowly relaxed beneath me. I paused in concern when his fingers tightened against my shoulders, but judging by his expression I must have hit a good spot. Making the most of the opportunity, I teased him there until he pushed me away with a gasp. 

“Fuck,” he breathed. “When you commit to something you don’t go halfway.”

“Was it too much?”

“I can handle more than that,” he replied, catching my cock in his hand and lining us up. “Keep going.” 

Swallowing my reaction to the contact, I leaned forward until I began to slide inside, so overwhelmed by the reality of being this close to him again that I could barely breathe. Our eyes met when I could go no further, and his gaze was open and honest, so raw and real that I wanted to capture the look in his eyes to preserve it so that I would never again doubt how he felt about me. When he gave me a little nod, I began to move, starting with slow, rolling movements but quickly finding my restraint crumbling to dust. 

“I’m not going to last,” I gasped in frustration, but Yun Seo only chuckled in response. 

His eyelashes fluttered on the next thrust, his breath catching for a moment before he let it go. “Yes, you will.” He sounded so confident that I had to pause to meet his gaze.

“How? Are you going to use magic on me or something?”

“I’ve never tried anything like that before,” he said and I believed him, if only because he looked so confused. “I’m not sure how it would even work.”

“Then how do you know I’ll last?”

Framing my face between his hands, he smiled. “Because you’re going to wait until I give you permission.”

“Is that so?” I scoffed. 

Eyes glimmering with a hint of humor, he replied, “I think you like it when I tell you what to do.”

I stopped moving, startled by how easily he reasserted control. “What happened to thinking you're not worthy of me?”

“I’m not,” he replied dryly, “but I still know you well enough to know what you like. At least when it comes to this.”

Distracted by self-doubt, I wasn’t prepared when he pushed up and rolled us over so that he was on top, a smirk on his face as he picked up the rhythm and shifted it just enough to throw me off, gripping the headboard for leverage as he moved. Everything felt different this way, the pressure of his knees against my ribs, his weight pressing down with every roll of his hips. I braced my feet against the mattress to deepen the angle and watched as his head fell back on his shoulders in reaction. 

I was getting close, that tantalizing tension spiraling tighter and tighter as my restraint crumbled. Pushing myself up on my elbows to get close enough for a kiss, the angle shifted again as I moved, not better or worse but different, more intense.

And then he shoved me back against the headboard so hard I heard the impact echo in my ears, his eyes wide as he settled heavily against me to keep me still, holding me down against the bed with effort. “Not yet,” he whispered, each word distinct as if they were complete sentences on their own.

Panting to catch my breath, I stared at him unblinking and waited, the need for release that had been boiling over inside of me calming down into a simmer once again. I’d forgotten that he could be like this, irritatingly patient when he was trying to make a point. I’d also forgotten how good it felt to wait, to let the pressure build, ratcheting higher and higher until I felt like I was going to explode. No one else had ever made me feel this way, not even Pehtra, who had been better at the act than anyone I’d ever met, but there was something about the way Yun Seo held me back – about the way he held me, period – that made all the difference.

I was propped up against the headboard now and he was sitting in my lap, the difference in our height completely leveled by the position. Brushing damp hair away from his eyes, I met his gaze with a weary smile. “How long are we going to wait?” I asked, the words coming out teasing if still a little strained.

Chuckling, he leaned forward for a kiss, taking his time rolling my lower lip between his teeth and licking his way into my mouth, this kiss sloppy and aimless in a way the others hadn’t been. When he let me up for air, he whispered against my lips, “I think that’s long enough,” lifting his hips a fraction and making me shudder when he fell.

I let him do all the work a while longer, watching the way his expression shifted with every cycle of movement, a little crease forming between his brows as he took me in, his lips trembling a little as he let me go. He was so beautiful like this, working hard with a goal in mind, determined and confident that he knew what he was doing, that I didn’t want to interrupt him. But I also didn’t want to fall back into old patterns. 

Reaching out to take him in hand, I smiled when his rhythm faltered, dark eyes darting up to meet mine with uncertainty in the depths of his gaze. “My turn,” I said, pushing him until he fell flat on his back, upside down on the bed now with his head near the footboard. I knelt against him, his thighs wrapped around my waist and just rocked my hips a little, feeling a frisson of arousal twitch through his muscles as I squeezed his cock in the loop of my fingers, rubbing my palm through the dampness at the tip before sliding my hand slowly down again.

“Sang Kyu,” he gasped in protest.

“What?” I asked as I pushed a little deeper on my next thrust. “Afraid you won’t last?”

“When did you become such a brat?” he asked, flinching when I squeezed him tight in my fist.

“Maybe I’ve always been a brat and I was only holding myself back before.”

Letting his head fall back against the duvet, he let out a ragged laugh. “Don’t ever hold yourself back again.”

“I won’t,” I agreed, too consumed by the euphoria of the moment to question why it mattered, if he was really telling me because he wanted for there to be another time.

Letting his cock go, I grabbed his knees instead and folded him in half, wondering if he was flexible enough to handle it, but he didn’t complain, sliding his calves over my shoulders and holding onto the footboard as I drove him into the mattress, the bed creaking beneath us with every harsh thrust.

When I was teetering on the edge again, I rested my forehead against his and asked, “Do I have your permission?”

He chuckled, and it would have sounded sexy if his breath hadn’t been coming in fractured gasps. “You can do whatever the fuck you want.”

Neither of us lasted long after that. 

My release was so intense that I must have blacked out, because the next thing I knew I was waking up to Yun Seo’s fingers in my hair. We were still lying on the bed upside-down, our heads cushioned by the bunched up duvet I had flung aside when I pushed Yun Seo onto his back. Grunting a nonverbal question, I squinted at him even though the room was still dark, the glow from the lamp in the living room the only source of light.

“Your hair is so long,” he said, his fingertips massaging into my scalp in a way that made me want to melt into a puddle. I already felt something like liquid in the afterglow anyway, my body tingling and too heavy to move. “It looks good on you.”

“I didn’t grow it out on purpose,” I said, too relaxed to manage more than a breathless whisper. “I just keep forgetting to get it cut. When it starts annoying me, I cut it myself.”

“You cut your own hair?” He sounded more impressed than he should have. All I’d done was tie it back and hack off the ends with a pair of scissors.

“It’s easy when it gets long enough.”

He hummed under his breath and I nearly whimpered with disappointment when his hand retreated. “We should clean up,” he said with a sigh but made no move to do as he had suggested.

“We climbed a cliff today. I think we can live with the mess until tomorrow.”

“Easy to say when it’s not your bed that’s completely wrecked.”

Feeling sleepy, I murmured, “You can always buy a new one.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary.” He sighed again. “Let’s at least turn around so we can use the covers.”

I grumbled my agreement and shifted on the mattress until my head was on a pillow, too exhausted by the effort to manage anything more. I wasn’t surprised that Yun Seo maintained distance between us once he’d arranged the duvet to his liking, but I was still a little disappointed. I knew better than to assume the sex had been anything more than a necessary release of pent up emotion, but I still found myself feeling weak in the aftermath, craving more than I should. Reminding myself of what Pehtra had taught me, that I could share my heart without giving it away, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to convince myself that was all that had happened. I’d shared myself with Yun Seo only enough to find resolution. I hadn’t given myself away.

Then he reached out to touch my back, his fingers warm against my spine. As he moved closer, tucking himself against me as if cuddling was a thing we did, I held my breath, expecting him to pull away again, unable to believe he actually meant to get this close. His hand slid around my waist and came to a rest against my stomach while his lips pressed against the nape of my neck. 

Maybe he thought I was already asleep and wouldn’t notice this bit of intimacy. I felt determined to make sure he knew that wasn’t the case, however, so that he couldn’t simply pretend in the light of day that it hadn’t happened. I lifted his hand off my stomach and wove his fingers between my own, tugging him a little closer in the process. If he was surprised, he hid it well, and I thought I could feel him smiling against my skin.