To love you in every World

Chapter 1: Awake once more

Again, awake, in a new bed with no one by my side. In a house that feels like mine, but is not.

With the sun warming me up, while I grab the information I can from my pone and surroundings, who am I here? A woman, good, 24, thats good too, and, does not seem to be very sociable, thats… reasuring, I wasnt ready to be someone else with people today.

Im going to make breakfast, and, I dont know, maybe i can take this day, I dont want to ruin her life, or well, my life? I dont know, I still find it weird to be… this, or that, or whatever, it feels exausting but well at least this time i have a bed to lay in to just think and play with her…my phone till i have to sleep again.

Its hard to remember the last time I was in a place that felt like mine, at least I dont have to take a pill every day just for my mind to not drift apart and lose itself.

I miss my Friends, her, and well, everyone, I kinda have them in every and each one of this things, but its not the same, they dont remember, they dont act the same, and I havent seen her in who knows how much, it feels, sad.

As I hold onto myself, remembering the people I haven't seen in so long, I cry, it was a lot of time since I was able to cry, in a lot of worlds, I, the “I” of that world refused to cry, in this one, I was able to, it felt, good, like really good, for me and for her, a tense body changing to a relaxed one with just a couple tears.

But the sound, a sound? Wait… Its the sound of someone. Im not alone? Who is it, they probably just came here but, who?

Dear?

That voice, the sound, the way, I… No… Im not ready.

Im trying to clean the tears, I cant let her see me like this, but she enters the room and the tears start coming again, a lot more tan before, what can I-?

What is it?

Her arms, hugging my face, her voice wishpering that everything is alright, its the first time in more than two entire years, that I can feel her, and, she is the same, beautiful, caring, I…

Im here now, dont worry, what happened dear?

I… Dont know. 

I cant lie to her, but I, dont want to tell her, I dont want to tell her that I missed her, that I dont want to lose her again,  to wake up without her.

Its okay then, if you need your space i can give it to you if you want.

No.

Okay, im staying then.

I feel, good, I forgot the smell of your hair, I forgot the shape of your face, but, this? I cant forget the feeling you gave to me, your voice and warmth, I cant forget it, its, comforting.

…

…

Hours pass, I cant even talk with her, just answer with yes and no, and, see her do things for me, it makes me question who am I here? No work, no Friends, just her, me, and, a not very stable emotional state.

But I have her here, this time she is by my side, thats… actually not enough. I'm going to lose her… again.

No, dont think of that now, maybe, I can do something here.

Hey… Dear?

Yes my love?

Do you remember where i left my computer?

Oh? Yeah, its probably under your part of the bed. Inspired? I havent seen you use it in a while.

Yeah, i think its time to use it again.

I get up and go to their room, as she says something I grab the computer from a drawer on “My” side.

Remember the pass? ILYMDL2024

Yeah, thanks anyways dear.

What do we have here? Lets…

Lots, no… Tons… Of them. There are documents, writings, theories, this… no there is no way.

Dear? Did you take your medicine today?

This place, I never… achived the Project here, I never… left her.

Everything is unfinished, the theories, the plans, the ideas, everything. I… no, its not time to think, i have to see more. Lets see, emails, lost her job at the UCQP… That explains a lot, I seem to have fought with Ed, that explains the “not finishing the Project” thing, and… oh… oh no, Ed… oh my god… He did the Project, he finished it, but without me…

“im Sorry Ed.” A single message, an email to no one, and this is just, yesterday at night.

Wait, if I worked at the UCQP… maybe some of this… things still work, lets see, information, people, projects… This, this might work, information transportation, but i would need to Access the UCQP transporter, and if its unfinished it might not even work. But…

Dear? Did you take it?

Oh? Sorry, no i didnt, i was…

Its okay, here, I figured.

Oh, this pills I was starting to feel good without this but, its necesary for this me to live with… This isnt the pill. What is? This is an antidepresant, damn, so I didnt even pass trough the Information transfer Project once, I was lucky enough to not have to do those things, but I had to see them do it, and… who did it then?

Lily? Her name is so beautiful, I was waiting to use it.

Yes?

What happened with the ITP?

You dont remember? Maybe we have to lower the dosage and…

Lily…

Oh yeah, I went trough with it, I have to take a medicine or, have some side effects, thats all.

…She? No… Why her???...

Is something troubling you dear?

I… No, im sorry I just remembered some things and was a Little too much to take.

Mmm, lets do something, what do you think?

What?

I'm gonna cook something for you, wanna help me?

Oh… Sure! What do you wanna cook?

Its a surprise, just do as i tell you.

I look at her with a face of suspicion, but, who am I to reject this her way of helping?

And so, it happens, hours of cooking, and cooking, its so comfy to finally see her again, to feel this… way.

A lassagna?

Yep, I know you like it, and you seemed troubled so, why not make something the both of us, that we can enjoy together.

Yeah, I remember this, she was very good making me leave my problems behind and distract for a while, so I could think a Little better.

I… Thank you Lily.

You did it too, its not entirely me, tell that to yourself too.

Haha, ok ok, maybe I will.

No maybes.

Ok ok, I will.

Thats better.

The best dinner in a while, and its a lassagna, I think the last nights I ate like, snacks or leftovers, I guess I wasnt really inspired without her. And, I think finding out the Project was… at least being tested in other worlds is kind of good, maybe I can repair this thing? But I will probably need her, or maybe Ed, but since he seems to be Very differnt on each world, I find that really hard. For now, I have an idea.

Lily, im going to write something, can you wait a second?

Oh? Yeah dont worry, im going to put the leftovers on the fridge.

Ok, I'm cleaning the dishes, so dont worry about that.

She just smiled, and I went to the computer.

Lets see.

Delete all of this, I dont want her to fall for the same path as me, or worse.

And lets put here, a plan for the ITP, I think I can trasfer information to my next destinatios, but for that this “me” will need to help, and I will have to trust her. I hope she can follow all of this, and maybe this way I can help both me, “me” and Lily, if I stop the ITP, and transfer it to me, without medication I can transfer information of the world I'm at to me, this will make it easier to work with everything, and maybe, just maybe, repair everything and recover my life.

Ok thats enough, I will also leave her a letter, I… think she deserves to know and understand.

Well, thats everything, I cant recover her job, but, if she is me, maybe she will make it work anyway. She also has Lily, so, thats good.

Well, I have a wife to go to, so I will leave this where “I” can see it and, enjoy what is left of this day.

Hello dear, I was waiting for you.

Oh? Is that so Lily?

I have an entire bucket of ice cream for the two of us, and you think I was going to eat all of this alone?

I would be capable.

Yeah, you would.

It's funny and cute to see her smile, even when she is not “my her” is, who am i kidding? I felt so, tired and punched down with this, two entire years without her, and with lifes that felt so distant, well, maybe I'm being too harsh, I could have apreciated them a Little more if I wasnt so frustrated with everything that happened to me 'till now. I really needed to have one moment of hope to feel that I can fix things.

Thanks.

Why?

You did all this to cheer me up.

I also did it because I wanted ice cream.

More than justified.

She is, just looking at me? Smiling and…

A Kiss? I… Missed this.

It felt like ages, since I could feel you, a hug, cooking with her, her lips, this world really is good with… What?

Lily? Are you-

No, what, why did she faint? Lily? She isnt responding what… wait, The medicine, the damn pill, did she take it? Lets see and… Blood, her brain is suffocating on the information, I need to find it.

But where, where would she put it? The bathroom? No… not here, her bedside drawer? No… Where damn it, I… no. Ok Think, come on, I need to stop this at least for enough time before she has an overload, i think I can stop the connection with the ITP for a couple of seconds, but, I fucking hope no one realices.

Her PC has Access to the UCQP, password? Let me guess ILYMDD2024… Yep, predictable, but with this, Access to the damn ITP, and overload it… with lets use my connection…

…

Damn there it goes, lights off, it really overloaded the whole city. But… Ok she stopped bleeding, lets take her to the bed. I dont want her to get even worse, I… probably have to clean all this, and do the dishes.

I will have to add all of this to the letter,I dont want me to have any surprises, at least, more than she is already going to have.

…

Dishes done, floor clean, and… She seems to be waking up.

Dear?

Are you okay?

Yeah, its just the ITP, i forgot to take the medicine today, what, happened?

A lightout, I think it restarted the ITP for a second, I tought you were gone.

And my medicine? Where is it?

I dont know.

We have to reduce the dosage on the anti, its not good to have this amount of memory loss dear.

Dont worry for that now, go take the pill.

It was in her purse, logical, she has to take it everywhere. I didnt think of that.

How do you feel?

Lightheaded, it hurts a lot but, otherwise, good, im not dead and I have ice cream.

Not the time for jokes Lily.

I would say that it makes me feel better but, you are right, it's time to sleep, for both of us, what do you think dear?

I dont really want to leave this world, but I'm tired, and she needs this, so…

Ok Lily, I'll wait for you there.

I love you dear.

And I adore you Lily.

…

…

Sleeping, it was a long day, and… Kiss her a goodnight sleep, everything feels so… good. Thanks to the randomness for giving me this, a comfy bed, with her, and, the chance to repair things. I hope that i made this world better for me, and I hope “I”  manges to help me, even if it takes another two years, I will wait.

Good night Lily.

…

…

I fell asleep, now I'm again at the limbo, lets wait a couple of hours or minutes 'till a me wakes up, and let's see what we have, meanwhile, I think I'll try to sleep here too, I want to rest the brain not just the body.

…

…

…

What is this? A letter? But its… mine?

“Its not your fault, or well, my fault I guess, I'm sorry I deleted everything but if you followed that path you would have lost her the same as me, and believe me, the world doesn’t really want anymore “sleepers”. I know how you feel, but, I can maybe, you, us, you understand, we can help us, and her, I might not be able to take Ed back, but atleast we can cure her and disconect her from the ITP, i left you with instructions on how to do it, take your time, your view on the projects is good, but take more precautions, I think you can go back and recover a lot more than you think, I kind of did, so you can too. I also left a resume of yesterday, I left you some lassagna and ice cream, at least if she didn't eat it when she woke up. Good luck, to me, and you, so, to me squared I guess?”

…

…

That was a good one, let's see what awaits next time.