Chapter 11: I Trained Once and Accidentally Became a Rabbit Cult Mascot

The next morning, I awoke to a rabbit on my pillow.

Again.

I blinked at it.

It blinked back.

Then flopped sideways and went back to sleep.

I sighed. “You’re not even subtle about this anymore, huh?”

I walked out into the corridor. Two disciples passed by, whispering urgently.

“—they say he summoned them with a single breath!”

“I heard the rabbits were his spiritual guardians!”

“One of them healed a poisoned chicken by hopping on it three times!”

“…That doesn’t even make— Wait, what?!”

By the time I reached the central courtyard, the rumors had evolved into full-on legend:

1. I had tamed a Celestial Rabbit Horde.
   
   
2. They were my battle companions, trained in fog-based assassination.
   
   
3. I could summon rain, curse land, and bless crops using rabbit gestures.
   
   
4. I was the incarnation of a forgotten beast lord known as the Fluffy Sovereign.
   
   

All of this was being whispered by disciples.

In earshot of me.

While I was holding a broom, cleaning rabbit droppings off the tiles.

Shortly after, Elder Zhang arrived at my courtyard in full ceremonial robes.

“Patriarch,” he said, voice heavy with importance. “The Elders request your presence. Immediately.”

I blinked. “Why?”

“There has been… a spiritual incident.”

“You mean the cave fire?”

“No. Not that.”

“…The bee stampede?”

“No. Not that either.”

“…The explosion of the cabbage field?”

“That one, yes.”

I stared.

“…But that wasn’t even me! That was— Wait. Actually, yeah, that probably was me.”

I entered the main Council Hall, where the five core elders sat in a solemn line.

Elder Zhang. Elder Lian. Elder Mo. Elder Ping. Elder That-One-Who-Always-Snores.

Their faces were grave.

There were no snacks.

This was serious.

“Patriarch Shen,” Elder Lian began, “we have received troubling reports.”

I sat. Straight-backed. Calm.

Mostly because a rabbit had followed me in and was now meditating by my foot.

“…Yes?”

“Your recent solo training session has caused several… phenomena.”

“Define phenomena?”

“Trees ignited. Rocks cracked. Spirit bees swarmed the kitchen. Our cabbage field is now growing eggplants.”

“…Again, not directly my fault.”

Elder Mo sighed. “You were the only person in the area.”

“And the rabbits?”

“…They’re still following you.”

I nodded. “I noticed.”

Elder Ping leaned in. “Do you have any idea why this is happening?”

I paused. Then answered honestly:

“I believe I may have inherited something called the Cloud Rabbit Physique.”

Silence.

Elder That-One-Who-Always-Snores opened one eye.

“…That’s not a real thing,” he muttered.

“It’s listed in the archives,” I said. “Right after ‘Phoenix Toenail Veins’ and before ‘Divine Toenail Fungus Physique.’”

Elder Lian buried her face in her sleeves.

Elder Zhang cleared his throat.

“There’s more,” he said carefully. “The outer disciples have begun… worshipping the rabbits.”

I blinked.

“They what?”

“They believe the rabbits are divine beasts. That you are their master. That this is a sign of your destined return.”

Pause.

“Someone made a statue.”

“A what?”

“Out of carrots.”

Apparently, someone had carved a two-meter tall rabbit statue out of spirit-infused vegetables.

It was currently being venerated in the East Garden.

There were incense sticks.

And a handwritten poem titled “Ode to the Patriarch’s Fluff.”

I wanted to throw myself into the lake.

Elder Mo spoke, rubbing his temple.

“Patriarch… we are not questioning your… talents. But we ask humbly—”

“Yes?”

“—that you do not train unsupervised ever again.”

Elder Lian nodded. “Or touch any spiritual herbs. Or attempt breathing exercises. Or think aggressively near wood.”

“…So I’m banned from existing?”

“No, no,” Elder Zhang said quickly. “Just from doing things.”

Eventually, they excused me with polite bows and extreme spiritual concern.

As I left the hall, a junior disciple offered me a carrot on a silk pillow.

“For the divine ones,” he whispered.

That night, I wrote:

Day 15.

Accidentally started a minor religion.

Elders terrified.

Rabbits smug.

Cabbage field: gone.

Status: banned from breathing aggressively near crops.

Progress: …I think?

[End of Chapter 11]