They laid in silence for what felt like too long. Alta didn’t have it in him to start the conversation, considering he had the least amount of agency in where it should go. He knew that it was his fault Rian was in this position, so ultimately what did or didn’t happen with this pairing, was up to Rian. 

“How did the talk with your master go?” Rian’s gentle question made Alta’s chest ache and he subconsciously pulled the sleeves lower over his arms. Neralle had let him borrow one of their thermals to hide his scars he had carved into his skin and he took a deep breath, trying to think of what he could say around the curse. 

“Well. Learned their name.”

“You didn’t know it?”

“It was a quick thing. Neither of us had time for much else,” Alta lied. It was partly true, at least. “They are Ryan too.”

“Geez,” Rian chuckled and Alta allowed himself to echo the sound. He wanted to cuddle closer to Rian, but he also didn’t want to assume where this was going. There was still a good chance he was about to get arrested. “You told Ysemna they were ill.”

“Cyphora cancer. He was told he had a year before Christmas but… he only recently got on the meds,” Alta felt another wave of nausea hit him and he did his best to swallow it back down. He closed his eyes, a slow, deliberate breath helping just enough to stop the shaking in his fingers. There was so much more he wanted to say. “Two, maybe three months.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. He just asked me to use my magic so he can die in Japan with his family and take him to see the cherry blossoms if he makes it till then. He can’t afford to go otherwise.”

“Sounds like meeting you was lucky for him then,” Rian offered and Alta shrugged, not wanting to press the sentiment further. Alta’s hand found the edge of Rian’s shirt where it hung loose over his stomach, curling the fabric between his fingers with an idle kind of focus. It was grounding, in a way, something solid to hold while everything else remained uncertain.

“Maybe.”

“What about you? Will that woman be able to hurt you again?” Rian’s honest question made Alta freeze, his hand pausing as his blood ran cold. He knew if he didn’t answer soon, his silence would answer for him and Rian would know anyway. Alta didn’t resist as Rian shifted, wrapping both of his arms around him. 

“Ryan can’t do anything?”

“No, I’m only safe while they are my master. I could try to find a new one, but considering he wants me to take him to Japan, Yna is not going to give me the courtesy.” Alta admitted, taking a deep breath as he breathed in Rian’s scent. “She’ll likely force a new master on me as soon as my current one dies.”

“Is that how she hurts you?”

“Yes. She can’t do it directly, so she uses humans,” Alta answered, deciding it was better not to mention the humans were usually alphas. Rian’s pairing instincts would flare and Alta couldn’t tell him that the pairing bond would break as soon as his master died. That Rian only had to deal with him for three months and then… “It’s okay.”

“We both know it’s not.” Rian rebutted, squeezing Alta tighter as he buried his face in the space behind Alta’s ear. His breath was warm, steady, as if he were trying to convince himself to stay grounded too. “You don’t have to say it’s okay just to make me feel better.”

Alta nodded, though he couldn’t say anything in return. He stayed curled in Rian’s arms, letting himself accept the contact eased the tension in his chest, but not the tightness in his gut. Nothing could fix that.

“I’ll be honest, Alta. I don’t like that you tricked me into this. I get the feeling there is a reason, and that woman has something to do with it but you aren’t telling me what it is,” Rian finally sighed and Alta nodded, burying his face more into Rian’s chest. If he could tell the alpha about the bond breaking, that this was all going to end soon anyway, would Rian let him stay? Would Rian let him love him? “Can you not tell me?”

“Not enough to make it make sense.”

“But there is a reason that you felt you had to force me?” Rian pushed, and Alta nodded again, slow and reluctant, each motion weighted like a stone he had to lift from deep within himself. The silence that followed was heavy, thick between them like the darkening air before a storm. He didn’t move his face from Rian’s chest. 

“I wouldn’t… I wouldn't have done it if I felt I had another choice,” Alta said at last, the words so soft it barely vibrated the air between them. “I do want this, now that we are here.”

“That’s all I need to know,” Rian said, not letting him go, not pulling away. He sounded like someone making peace with the fact that not everything could be answered, like he had already accepted the silence would be part of whatever this was between them. Then before Alta had time to think, he felt his face in Rian’s hands, and the alpha’s lips were already on his.

The kiss came with no warning and no hesitation, an eclipse of breath and silence and restraint. It claimed all of Alta’s thoughts in a single sweep, leaving behind nothing but the heat of Rian’s mouth and the sudden, dizzying rush of his own heartbeat. Rian kissed him like he had made up his mind and Alta didn’t resist as he clung tighter, desperate to sear the taste of the alpha into his memory. Gods, if this was the last time he could be happy, he wanted to savor every precious second. 

The scent of Rian was everywhere, pine and static and Alta let himself be surrounded by it, drawn into it like it could tether him to the present. A low, almost involuntary sound left Rian’s chest, and Alta drank it in, storing it like a precious thing. He could feel the alpha’s hands slide from his face to the sides of his neck, thumbs brushing along the edges of his jaw with an aching reverence. It felt like being held too gently and too tightly at once, like a man who knew what he wanted and was terrified to lose it.

Alta couldn’t give Rian what he deserved.

Still, he kissed him back.

When Rian finally pulled back, it wasn’t by much. Just enough to rest his forehead against Alta’s, breath unsteady, pupils dark with emotion. “I’m still mad.”

“You should be.”

“And fuck, I don’t know how much of this is just because I spent the last month fucking you constantly or because I actually like you,” Rian admitted, and Alta laughed, unable to help the tears building in his eyes. This time a sound escaped him as Rian kissed him again, pushing Alta onto his back as he leaned over him, mouth insistent, the kind of kiss that made breathing feel optional. “But even with all my hookups, you make me feel something.”

“Same here,” Alta grinned, pulling Rian down for another kiss. His hands found the back of Rian’s neck, fingers threading through his hair, and for a moment, there was nothing else. No curse, no timelines, no questions he couldn’t answer. Just the weight of the alpha above him, the aching desire for this to be more, and terrifying fear of losing all of this pushing them closer together, deeper, more entangled with every passing second.

When they finally parted again, it was slower, like neither of them wanted to stop but knew they had to. Rian's breath ghosted over Alta's lips, and for a moment, they simply stared at each other.

“I think I like you,” Rian said, voice hoarse with honesty.

“I know I like you,” Alta smiled, sneaking in a little of his usual snark. He threaded his fingers through Rian’s hair, looking into the ice blue eyes he had only seen for the first time the night before. “You’re my type.”

“Oh?”

“Sweet. Thoughtful, considerate, but also able to keep up with me.” Alta’s smile trembled on his lips, a shaky breath escaping him as Rian tilted his head slightly. 

“I guess you’ve had centuries to be certain.”

“I have,” Alta agreed, pulling Rian down for another kiss as their mouths met again, less desperate this time but no less intense. It was a kiss full of new yearning and ache, like a long-lost truth being spoken aloud for the first time. Rian shifted, bracing his weight on one elbow while his other hand cupped the side of Alta’s face and Alta reached up, fingers skimming along Rian’s jaw. The bristle of stubble grounded him, a human detail in the storm of everything else.

“Wonder what it says if my type is a sarcastic ancient genie with more secrets than a vault,” Rian muttered against Alta’s mouth, and the words made Alta huff a breathy laugh that cracked right down the middle. 

“That you have taste.”

“That remains yet to be seen,” Rian argued, gently resting his head against Alta’s. “But I would like to try and make this work. No promises but… I want to see where this goes.”

Alta felt his heart twist in his chest. There was no “making this work”, no long term that he usually planned for with his alphas. No years together, of laughs, hope, happiness. 

Just like there was no hope for the life inside him. 

But Alta merely smiled, not trying to hide his tears. Even if this was temporary, even if all he could hope for was the next three months, he wanted to. He wanted to fall into the now, into the weight of Rian above him and the warmth pressed between them. He deserved to be happy one last time and Alta slowly sat up this time, wrapping his arms tightly around the alpha’s neck as he sought the warmth of Rian’s mouth. He lingered in the kiss, drinking in the warmth of the man on top of him.

Even if it was the last time, even if it couldn’t be everything he wanted it to be, 

He deserved this.