CHAPTER 5

"Sometimes the loudest cry is the one no one hears, and the deepest fall is the one that happens in silence"

I walked. Every step felt heavier than the last. I wanted to collapse into the arms of the world and just cry. No. I wanted to fall into my mother’s lap like I used to, cry my heart out like her little boy always did. But she wasn’t there anymore. Neither was that boy. I felt like Icarus, soaring too high on wings I had crafted from ambition and fragile hope, only to fall when I reached for something too bright, too far. The sun didn't melt my wings this time…life did. When I walked out of the building I once called my kingdom, I didn’t just feel fired. I felt forgotten. But betrayal wasn’t new to me; it had walked beside me for years. It started to rain, and the sky, at least, was kind enough to hide my tears. I stood there in the downpour, rethinking every moment, trying to wring meaning out of a life that felt like nothing more than a cruel joke. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. My knees gave up before I could. I collapsed onto the pavement, soaked, broken, shivering from more than just the cold. People walked around me, some with pity, some with contempt. No one stopped. I stared at the sky, wishing and begging for something. A sign. A miracle. A voice. Anything. I wanted my mother to come and wrap her arms around me like she used to. I wanted God to whisper that it was going to be okay. But no one came. So, I drove. I didn’t plan to return. Two bottles of alcohol sat on the passenger seat. I was too much of a coward to go through with it in my right mind. But I didn’t need courage, I needed silence. I reached the hill. The place I used to visit when I craved beauty, when the world seemed a little too cruel. The same place I once thought I’d propose, write a novel, or just… breathe. The hill had always been a masterpiece of God's softer brushstrokes, the way the wind carried whispers through the grass, how the sky opened wide like an embrace, the view of the world below shimmering with life. It was ironic. This beautiful place would be the last thing I’d see. Each step toward the edge felt like a chain loosening. The ticking in my head grew lighter, like it was preparing to stop altogether. For the first time, the burdens I’d carried didn’t scream, they whispered. And I listened. I uncapped the bottle, took swigs of shame and liberation. My vision blurred, but it didn’t matter. Peace was a single step away. I stood at the edge, toes over gravel. Just one more step  and it would all be quiet. But then… From the corner of my eye, a figure appeared. A man. So striking, he seemed too perfect to be real. His presence didn’t demand attention.it simply existed, like he’d always been there. Blue eyes, gentle as the morning sky. A smile that didn’t try to fix me, just understood me. He walked up slowly. Stopped right in front of me. And then he asked, in the softest voice I’d ever heard: “Why?”