OLIVIA

I rolled across the bed when I heard my alarm going off, and groaned before I snoozed it. Keeping it on the other side of the bed was how I made sure to get up, and I had two more alarms as insurance. It was only 5:30 am, as long as I just snoozed the alarm I thought I did; I picked up my phone to be sure. Today was Thursday, which meant Story Circle, and I had to get the girls ready in about an hour. The early mornings were my personal time, though, which I dedicated to exercise, or making the fanciest latte or tea that I could conjure up. Becoming a self-made barista was something that was adding a lot of purpose to my life these days.

Brushing my teeth and getting the crust off my face took me a few minutes, and I went with black shorts and a grey sports bra before making my way down to the family room. While one side was full of toys, little chairs, and a short table, the other was for me. Well, I had to make sure it was clean every night. It turned out to be more trouble than it was worth to explain why one side of the playroom was much more boring compared to the other. My kids knew I used it for me-time, but they were still getting the hang of boundaries. I would have to set up a proper home gym or something eventually.

 My mind started running through the events of the day as I went through the flow I had ready: pack the snacks, drop Nuru and Jessie off, work, lunch with Fawn, call that one writer about those errors, pick up the girls, cook dinner, play with them, story time, bed, check stuff for tomorrow. I let my mind dissect each item, and could feel myself getting tired just by thinking about them. That was why I hated doing yoga without a video or instructor. If there was no one there talking to me, my mind ran rampant. So, I made an effort to focus on my body by throwing in some more challenging moves. The attention I had to give to my breathing and stability pushed the other thoughts out of my head within seconds. I even managed to lay on the mat for a few minutes and focus on my breathing. Another alarm went off as I laid there.

6:15 am.

Shower. Dress up. Wake up the girls.

“Nuru... Jessie...” Leaving the lights off, I gently shook their legs to bring them out of their slumber. Jessie tried to swat at my hand, but failed to accurately locate it in her drowsy state. Nuru turned onto her side, then her back, then her stomach, which made her blanket roll around her body like she was the inside of a life-sized burrito. I kept shaking their legs until they sat up, and I went with them to the bathroom to start brushing their teeth and wash their faces.

Bubblegum-flavoured toothpaste was squeezed onto their purple brushes, and I made sure they got all their little teeth and their tongues--gently. They tapped at my hands when I washed their faces, which they always did, and I wondered when they’d realise that they could still breathe. Their outfits were in the closet, which were easier to set up the night before, which I did, but I was always prepared for them to change their minds the next morning. I laid each one out onto their respective beds, and waited for them to come out to confirm the choices. Jessie scratched her belly and rubbed her eyes when she came out, but put on the outfit without any fuss. Nuru came out, looked at her jeans and sweater, then made a beeline for her closet. When she returned, she’d chosen a long-sleeve top, and I was glad. It was a reasonable choice for the weather, and she’d just need a thicker coat to make up for the change. 

They ate oatmeal and fruit in silence while I packed their lunches and snacks. It would be leftovers today, which consisted of rice, spinach, and tofu from the night before. I made sure to give them each a juicebox as well; the last time I forgot them, I didn’t hear the end of it. Two reusable shopping bags were ready with the class’ snacks, which I would carry in myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust that my girls would do it, but that I was concerned about their heights. They liked to help carry groceries into the house, and it warmed my heart watching them struggle to bring in a box of cereal in one of those bags. We’d try for the snacks when they got older.

“Okay,” I put their dishes into the dishwasher, and my matcha latte into a reusable cup, “you ready to go?”

They finished their water and nodded. Before I could even tell them to do so, the girls hopped off the barstools, with the help of a step on the side, and grabbed their bags. They were by the door with their shoes on while I got everything I needed. 

Mornings were funny, at least the early part of them, because the girls were so quiet. It was like I was talking to myself sometimes, and their minds were still adjusting to being out of bed. I talked about a children’s story that I loved--the turtle and the hare--while they sat in their car seats in the back of the SUV. Every time I stopped at a light, my eyes met theirs in the rearview mirror. They were still mostly quiet, but I could see them reacting, their eyes widening or mouths opening, and sometimes I heard them giggle. My version of the story was a little exaggerated, especially with the way the hare ran around,  and the turtle moved along like a snail. 

We arrived at their school just as I’d finished my story. Nuru and Jessie led the way to their class, which I knew the location of but let them show me anyway. I greeted their teacher and gave her the snacks before I said bye to my girls.

“Have a good day,” I told them, squatting down to meet them at eye level. They gave me a hug, and I kissed both of their cheeks.

“Bye, mama,” Nuru said, her eyes a little sad.

Jessie smiled, “see you later, mama.”

No matter how many times I dropped them off, it always felt hard. If it was up to me, I’d be with them all day. But, seeing other people and doing other things was good for us. I turned back at their door before I left, waving, then made my way out to my car. Sometimes, as I drove to work, I thought about calling Rob and ending this whole thing. I wanted to see my daughters everyday, every weekend, and throw our parenting schedule out of the fucking window. It was lucky that Rob let me have them for the most part; I thought he was gonna fight me on it. But, he didn’t. He never did.

‘I want to tell you what happened. I just can’t, yet.’

My mind kept going back to those words from two days ago. Oh, how much I wanted to march over there and demand an explanation. As much as I tried to quash my optimism, part of me wanted to know if that would change things. But, it was too late to change them, right? The twins were used to our arrangement. They’d been young enough when it started, and they seemed okay with it. Sure, they still asked why they couldn’t be with both of us every now and again, but they were fine. The girls were happy, like Rob said the other night, so I was happy. I had to stop thinking about his claim to have an explanation.

Instead of walking to Fawn’s office, I went to the kitchen instead. In all my planning and rushing, I forgot to feed myself. Luckily, the office’s kitchen was fully stocked with protein bars, breakfast bars, oatmeal, and other snacks along with drinks, teas, and coffee. I already had my latte, so I just put some instant oatmeal in a large mug with some hot water. There wasn’t anyone else in there yet, but they’d probably be filing in for their morning coffees soon. Fawn was already at her desk when I came into her large office. The floor-to-ceilings windows let the natural light of the cold morning stream in. 

“Good morning,” I told her before I put my food and drink on my desk, and my bag on the floor. Fawn looked up while I powered up my computer. She peered at me over her bluelight glasses which her fiance, Kevin, got her for her birthday along with a diamond necklace.

“Morning, Livvy. How are you? How are my nieces? How’s Britney, and Mama Zo, and Uncle Ben?” She grinned, knowing I would roll my eyes at her having to ask how each individual member of my immediate family was. 

I sat at my desk chair, “you forgot Amanda.”

Fawn raised her eyebrows and nodded, “right... How is Amanda?”

“Everyone is good. Snack-gate has been resolved, and the little ones are happy,” I reported.

“Great,” Fawn smiled, “cause we have a busy day ahead of us. In twenty minutes, we’re meeting with the editorial team for a progress report and updates for the rest of the year. Then, I’m going to see an agent about a book proposal and a different book that’s in progress, and you need to have heard back from your writer by the time I get back around 11:30 am. Then, we have lunch, and we’re going to look over the manuscripts I’ll get from this agent.” She took a sip of her coffee out of a dark green mug. “Any questions?”

It was a little funny working for my cousin. In my eyes, she was my big cousin that I used to have sleepovers with, would go out with when I could, and whose daughter was close to my daughters. Watching her at work was me seeing a different, more serious side of her. Fawn ran this publishing house, having officially taken over for her parents. She was determined to maintain a good work-life balance so she could see her kids more than she saw her parents when she was young, which resulted in a hard-working, loyal team of editors and agents that she could depend on to do their jobs so she wasn’t forced to work late every night. It was admirable, but I liked where I was at for the time being as junior editor. 

I looked at my computer, then at her, “can you give me a sneak peek of this meeting-,”

“No. Now, get to work. Your twenty minutes have dwindled down to eighteen.”

When I went into the large conference room for the meeting, a couple minutes behind Fawn, I made sure to sit somewhere in the middle of the table, near the windows. That way, I didn’t seem like I assumed I had some special place here because I was the boss’ cousin, and I could watch people doing whatever they did in the office if the meeting got too boring. It was a win-win.

Editors and Copywriters, of junior and senior level, filed into the conference room, and I tried to smile at each of them as they came in. Most were nice, but there were a couple of people there that didn’t seem to like how I got my job. When I started at Vender Publishing Co, I did my best to keep my relationship with Fawn quiet. But, my parents ran two successful companies, and I had published a novel. It wasn’t long before everyone around the office was talking about me. 

Rachel, one of the senior editors, grinned when she spotted me once she’d come into the room. She hurried over to the empty seat on my right, and grabbed my arm. We had connected over some of the worst coffee I’d ever had while I was hiding from the office gossip a few weeks into my job here. She was the only person I had found at that point that was honest about the people that worked there, and her loyalty early on didn’t go unnoticed. If I missed any office talk or news, things that Fawn might not be privy to, Rachel would text me immediately and give me details in person as soon as she could.

“I didn’t see you in the kitchen this morning,” Rachel whispered.

I shrugged, “some drama with my kids’ dad was bugging me. It’s over now, but I just got some oatmeal and went to my office.”

Rach smirked, “your office?”

With a roll of my eyes I replied, “okay, you know what I meant. Anyway, what’s this meeting about? Fawn wouldn’t tell me, and I’m at a loss.” I looked around as the room filled up, “this is all so dramatic.” 

“I don’t know for sure,” Rachel started, “but we have a company event around this time every year. Maybe it’s about that?”

The last few people came into the room, and the large glass doors were pulled shut. The head Copywriter, Jane, in a grey sweater dress, a tight ponytail, and glasses, projected a powerpoint onto the wall behind Fawn. All it said was “Progress Report,” which didn’t tell me anything more than the little I knew so far.

“Good morning, everyone,” Fawn addressed the room, “I know you’re all busy, so we’re going to go ahead and get started.” She looked at the woman with the glasses, who stood up and looked at everyone in attendance.

“Those of you that have been with us for at least a year know about our annual event, but we do have some newcomers.” She glanced at me when she said that, and I wondered if I was imagining a smirk on her face. Rachel tapped my arm, and rolled her eyes when I looked back at her.

“She was new once, too,” my friend whispered, and I smiled.

“This year, we’ve done incredible numbers. The talent that’s been brought in has been impressive, and you’ve done work that deserves a big thank you. So, to say thanks, our company event is going to be an all-inclusive company trip.” She smiled, then went to her next slide. There was a picture of a woodsy resort, with snow surrounding it, and we saw what the rooms inside looked like. People 'oohed’ and ‘ahhed’ while Jane went through the slides, and I could hear chatter when she started going through the different activities that would be offered.

“Of course, our focus will be team-building, so we have two mandatory group sessions per day: one in the morning, one before dinner. The morning sessions will be reflective, like yoga and meditation, and focused on connection within your teams and the company. The evening sessions will be about fun and competition.” Jane turned to the screen, going through slides quickly. 

I could feel Rachel squeezing my arm, and her grip was punishing every time she saw something she liked, which was almost on every slide. My arm would definitely be sore, and probably bruised, within hours.

“This trip will be in two months, which gives you all plenty of time to get things in order. If, for whatever reason, you’re unable to make it, please inform your supervisor, or myself, of why you can’t come. For those of you who are planning to come, the retreat starts on Friday morning and ends on Sunday afternoon. We’ll be meeting here at 8am on that Friday, and carpools will be arranged. You will also be assigned to rooms of two. There is a form to request a roommate that I’ll be sending out, as well as a form to fill out for dietary restrictions, allergies, and other health concerns. Alright,” she looked around the room, “any questions?”

Several arms shot up, and I leaned back into Rachel. Just a bit, so it looked like I was still participating. This was a place of business, so people couldn’t ask blatantly stupid questions. However, it was a room full of some of the most literate and well-read people one would ever meet; we knew how to make a dumb question sound well-thought out. Someone asked, “the team-building activities seem like a vital component to the retreat, and are mandatory, so I’m wondering if we’re required to engage in recreational activities with the group as well?”