Why does it feel so tense?

The past five minutes had been the most awkward, icy minutes of Aster's life. Ever since he had entered the room, Calix had not spoken a single word. He was just absorbed in the instrument, his hands gracefully dancing on the keys. The frosty aura that had enveloped the room was like a barrier between the two of them. A barrier that Aster decided to break.

"D'you mind if I play my guitar?"

That was the best that Aster could come up with. Still, it felt like the question helped to warm the chilly climate in the room.

"No worries."

Aster took his guitar out of its bag. The light blue shine of his guitar seemed to have caught Calix's attention. Aster started to tune his guitar. As he slowly tuned each string, he noticed Calix focusing intently on the guitar. He even read a slight tinge of shock on Calix's face- for a man who barely showed his emotions, what could have gotten him so stunned?  Calix muttered something under his breath, but it was too soft for Aster to catch.

The moment Aster finished tuning the guitar, Calix resumed their "conversation", but something about his tone of voice had changed. Aster felt that he sounded more inquisitive.

"That guitar’s got a nice colour. Where’d you get it from?"

Mom.

Aster felt like there was a slight crack in the floodgates. The guitar represented feelings that he had yet to come to terms with truly. He felt like he wasn't ready to share the whole story, but decided that he would give enough information to Calix to at least continue the conversation.

"It was passed down from my mother. I don’t remember when she bought it though. I must have been quite young."

Calix stood up from the piano. His tall, imposing figure shadowed over Aster, yet somehow, he emitted a gentle energy that put Aster's worries to rest.

"May I sit next to you? I’ve always wanted to watch someone play the guitar from up close but I never really got the chance."

Those words were enough to flush Aster's face a rosy red.

Calix, sitting next to me? I'm not ready for this!!

"S-Sure"

Aster was nail-bitingly nervous. His crush was now seated in a plastic chair, less than an arm's length away. The heat was really getting to Aster's face. He didn't know how much longer he could take it. It was thrilling, yet suffocating.

He’s so close… I'd better keep talking, else things will be awkward again.

"So, I noticed that you and I are the only guys in the club."

"Yeah. Before you came, I was the only one. The club’s already small because a lot of people here are either already doing music for their studies, or super busy. Or, both, like me."

Calix let out a small chuckle as he replied. Aster couldn't help but smile at the thought that Calix was finally opening up to him. The frigid atmosphere had fully thawed.

I wish I could stay in this moment forever.

Almost on cue, as a reminder that the moment was too good to be true, Hazel burst through the door. It was clear from her panting that she had, at the very least, briskly walked to the clubroom.

"Sorry to keep you guys waiting, that professor can be quite unreasonable sometimes."

Baby steps, I guess?

Calix retreated to the piano as Hazel and Aster began discussing their performance.

"Let’s pick a song! Any ideas, Aster?"

Aster's mind was blank. He had no idea, and it seemed like the sentiment was the same with Hazel. Who would break the silence first?

"..."

"..."

"Hmm… are there any songs that mean a lot to you?"

Hazel's prompt evoked a memory in Aster's mind. It was a faded, suppressed echo of his mother playing the guitar and singing to him. That gave him an idea of a song he could suggest, although it was tied to memories that Aster kept in his subconscious. Memories that Aster would have rather not had resurfaced.

Ah, what the heck, if I don't suggest anything, we could be stuck here forever.

"Do you know 'Lovin’ You' by Minnie Riperton?"

Hazel's face brightened, enthused by his suggestion.

"I love that song! Let’s give it a go, shall we! Original key, I guess?"

As they sang together, the memories that Aster had repressed of his mother came flooding back. He recalled how his mother used to sing it as a lullaby when he was young before everything had changed. The very guitar that Aster was strumming was hers, and its distinct, bright tone aided greatly in Aster's recollection.

I miss you, Mum.

Aster did not realise that he had begun to tear up. Hazel's angelic voice had been soaring through the room, but it began to be accompanied by Aster's sniffles. 

"You okay?" Hazel paused, concerned.

Aster began bawling. Even Calix, who was lost in his own world, was aware of the sudden change in mood. Hazel had her best endearing smile on her face, hoping to put Aster at ease.  She placed one hand on Aster's shoulder and gave him a tissue with the other.

"I need some time outside."

Aster could barely eke out those words in between his tears. He tried to cover his face and wipe away his tears as he stood up and left the room. The door creaked eerily as he swung it open. He just needed to find a peaceful location to think through and process his feelings.

I don't know where to go…

I need you, Mum.