Chapter 6 

I look at Vesper's expression as he walks out. Ashley smiles, flipping her hair on the way out, her nose still bleeding. The more I think about Vesper’s face, his expression… the way he looked defeated. Reminds me of Xander. He always gave me that look when he was disappointed. Xander… 

I miss him. Too much. But after he died, I promised myself I’d never get close to anyone again. I’ve just become so… hostile. So aggressive, so… apathetic to emotions… I hate it, hate the feelings, when they come I push them down. I hate feeling like this… having someone look at you like there’s nothing left anymore hurts… I’ve seen it too many times before. Maybe, I can try to be more open to others… Maybe. Just maybe. 

Ashley’s left, the glass still on the floor and in my hair… The puddles of blood mixed with prosecco. I want to make a change. Make an impact. I could start by letting people in, just a little. I walk out the room myself, I have a tent somewhere- there. It has a box outside, it has a note on it, it says, ‘For Liora.’ with a star next to it and a smiley face. 

I smile. Genuinely smile. Inside my tent there’s a sleeping bag and blanket. There’s also a pillow. And a bottle of water. The bottle also has a note, ‘you can keep the bottle.’ 

I think I will… 

I sat down. I untie my hair so it drapes down my shoulders. I take my visor off. My hair’s tangled but I don’t have the luxury of a hair brush right now. So I run my fingers through it carefully to unknot it. I plait it so it won't tangle while I sleep. I’m not used to being able to sleep properly… getting a full night. There’s a plastic bag on the floor I didn’t notice before, it’s got a tablet and tooth brush that’s surprisingly clean. And of course another note, ‘The tablet is tooth paste.’ 

I take the tablet, shove it in my mouth and use the toothbrush to clean my teeth. I walk out my tent over to a drain and spit the tooth paste out, wiping it off any of it on my face, on my sleeve.

I see Vesper, he’s in a corner. He’s holding something, I can’t see what it is. But he’s staring at the ground and he just looks sad… He’s in shorts and a T-shirt. They’re clean. I stand by the drain, just staring at him, I’m trying to figure out what he’s holding… Is that a cigarette? Where’d he get that from? They were discontinued 50 years ago. 

I take a deep breath, contemplating talking to him, he might need space, but he might need comfort. I go back to my tent, inside I grab the blanket. I walk out the tent. Hoping he’s not mad at me… 

“Hey…”

He looks up at me, forcing a smile then looks back down. I look at his hand, he’s holding a pencil, not a cigarette, thankfully. I sit on the ground next to him. “You… okay?” 

He looks at me, ‘I guess…” He’s slumped against the wall. His breathing is slow and he looks like he’s upset, I mean I’ve never been in his situation but I wouldn’t imagine it’s pleasant. I lay out the blanket I’m holding over him. He looks at me, confused. He grabs the blanket and pulls it closer to him. “It’s cold out. You should probably get some rest as well…” My breath hitches, “Vesper, Ashley’s not worth crying or being sad about. She’s not even worth your time. Want me to go after her and make her apologise?” 

I elbow him playfully, smiling. He laughs a little before shaking his head. He smiles again before speaking, “Thanks… but we shouldn’t force Ashley to apologise because she makes her own choices.”

And she chose to be an asshole. I exhale, “I know but maybe?”

He shakes his head before standing up and walking off. He waves goodbye at me and I wave back, “Good Night!"

I stroll back to my tent, I say to myself, “The moon does look beautiful tonight.”