Nothing’s been in the news which is good, but I’m not quite sure what the silence means either. 

Only with so many distractions and pretend problems can I keep myself busy throughout the day.

Eventually I have to stop moving; take seconds and just breath, fall, feel all the things that chant pain so loud I can't tell apart the individual sources of each one.

Same for me as it is for everyone else, sleep.

The coma's, exhaustion and drugs had been one thing. Not enough bits of brain to retain any of the dreams.

Now though, all unclenched and relaxed.

I know I don't ever really close my eyes. Even if I know I don't have the gonads to use them.

Opting to retain the bits and pieces of normalcy I've been holding onto all these many years.

So everything from the senses; try and survive that misery eating all of the people I loved alive. Each recalled heartbreak feels just as quick as the brokers had been.

Those few hours before dawn; back to dwarf alloy discs. 

I think I just sit there back against the wall, waiting for all the bad to start coming.

Weapons are the only cuddly I understand these days.

...

This one chick, person. I can't really tell some kind of wild ass gravity thing happening there.

Makes senses all weird through things.

But Gs pretty cool; very fuck all kinda cinnimon roll.

Just shows up, drags me all around town. To find the best napping spots.

They might be doing something else but I'm relaxing.

Kinda chatty but good about boundaries.

Supplies me with a steady stream of snacks and scrap metal.

I guess that means a support network has built out around us.

Glad that I had been coherent enough to give them the gold vault.

Would have ended up eating this economy to ruin.

Somedays it feels like if I came empty handed I would have been risking the planet's reserves all this non-stop.

Literally 8 larger bore IVs drilled past skin into the bones.

Fluids, calories, supplements, and 5 or so other herbs and spices to keep the growing vessels  and muscles from tearing apart due to foil kinda stability.

At least these mass scale combo platters are ploughing out a new kinda steel.

Which tracks…

Easy to hide the pods under exo; a few of them probably smell the marrow a bit.

But they can also smell the non recreational supply going in.

So no one's been inclined to argue with me about treatment realities.

Maybe the fact that I'm too tired to give so much as a damn.

Just a bump on a pavement is me; so kind they all are, giving me peace.

... 

I think this is part of getting better. I was the most terrified to hit.

When, when I'd get all caught up on exhaustion.

Having enough energy to go about and do things.

Get curious, start to notice how gone my voice is.

How many years and months did I go about barely saying a sentence.

That sign language was the only option back then, over there.

Evolving brokers and being outnumbered past billions and billions.

we couldn't risk making enough noise to even whisper.

but the number of words I can try and get out at a time works things out.

enough to get conversations and shit going.