VINCENT

Normally, the privacy of a windowless room brought a sense of security, but now it truly was the prison it was meant to be. I breathed slowly in an effort to remain calm as I prayed to the Lady Below, hoping she had somewhere pleasant for me to rest. Somewhere with no pain and no expectations. Tomorrow, I would die, and I would be free.

Alessa had been the one to tell me. I was certain my father thought it was some form of consolation to her. An apology to keep her and her family as allies. A warning to not step out of line as I had done.

Even though I had ended our engagement the night before, she had treated me to one last night of pure ecstacy. If only I truly loved her. She was cunning and beautiful. Everything my father would want me to have in a bride. Everything to try for a better heir.

If only I had set my own plans into motion sooner. If only I hadn't cut Alessa free. There has always been the risk of death for being found out, but now I would never know if I could have succeeded in my escape.

I closed my eyes against the memories.

♦♦♦

We sat beside each other on a soft green couch in the drawing room. I felt like one of the adventurous maidens in my books. I had just declared that the wedding was off. I was finally going against my father's wishes.

Alessa's pretty face soured with confusion. "But why? We're a good match."

"That's just it. A match. I didn't have any choice in this. You didn't have any choice in this!" I hoped she would understand. We both deserved something, someone, better.

She shook her head and placed her hand on my arm. She could be so kind and reassuring. "We are attracted to each other. That's more than many others get. It's certainly more than I expected before I properly met you."

The reminder of that foolish double Father paraded around helped solidify my decision. I refused to be responsible for more death. Even tangentially. "Do you love me?"

She stared at me in silence before looking away with a soft sigh. "No, but I do care for you. I know you feel the same."

I nodded. I did care for her. More than I should. Enough that I knew to be careful with how I went about this. Everything had to be my fault. I had to be the one to take the blame. If not, her life might be forfeit. I couldn't risk it. I would suffer the dampeners before I let her die because of me.

"Your father will not agree to this. What will you tell him?" she asked. 

"The truth. I don't love you, and I want more," I replied. Father would hate it. He would punish me in some fashion, I would endure it, and then I would make my escape. Possibly, I would escape before he had a chance to properly punish me.

Alessa looked doubtful, and her lips had that little pout for when she was ready to argue.

I took her hands in mine. "I want someone who loves me and will sit in the garden and read as we watch the birds bathe in the fountain."

Her grim expression told me this was not an attainable dream. Not for people like us. She cupped my face then dropped her hand when my eyes flicked subtly to the door. She tilted her chin upward and spoke coldly. "I wish I could dissuade you. What we have should be enough. It's enough for me."

"Not for me," I whispered just as my father crossed the threshold.

She stood and turned, her face clouded with barely held anger. She saw my father and breathed in sharply. "Your Excellency. I believe your son needs to speak with you in private. I shall retire to my rooms."

♦♦♦

I choked back a sob. She could have stopped me. She could have said something damning that Father could have either witnessed or Ripped from my mind. I would have kept the peace and played my part, but she let me go. I loved her for that, even if it ended up spelling my death.

Would it hurt? Would it be quick? The dampeners sealed to my wrists would prevent me from feeling any magic in the air. I would have no warning if Father had chosen a magical assassin. 

No. He wouldn't risk it.

It chilled me that my death would most likely bring him more power. If I were to die by his side… I couldn't help but think that was his end goal and the true reason for my birth. He would claim he was untouchable, and I was merely a casualty.

There was nothing I could do.

A morbidly vindictive thought flittered through my mind. I could kill myself. Before he had any chance for his plan to be carried out. My suicide might even be something of a scandal if it were to get out. I could knock him down a peg. For once, I would be useful for something, even if it was something small. 

I stood and set about going through my luggage, looking for a dagger I had shoved near the bottom of one of the trunks from the last town we'd been through. I'd been too put off by its violent promise to display it, but now it would aid me in my quest. I was scared, but determined. 

My trepidation over killing myself turned into frantic worry. I knew I had a dagger. Somewhere. Where was it? A letter opener would have to do. I turned to the writing desk with a frustrated sigh. My golden letter opener was missing. It was then that I realized someone had been through my room.

I wasn't surprised. I didn't even feel particularly violated. I was never afforded privacy. My father had seen to that several times over.

The door to my room seemed to lurk in shadow. My stomach sank. Would the guard let me seek a meal from the kitchens? I had to try. I opened the door, and instead of a guard, I was greeted by my father. Mallou take these dampeners. I should have known.

"Vincent." He looked at me in disappointment. I couldn't even succeed in killing myself. Another failure to add to the ever growing pile.

I dropped my gaze to the floor as all the fight left me.

"It will be quick and painless. I can afford you that courtesy."

Was it proof of some bit of affection he held for me? No, it was just another show of his control. If I acted out in any way, he would make certain I felt every bit of pain I could survive before my death.

I nodded and closed the door. At least one of my fears had been eased.