“You asked what your mission was, right? Read this.” Cantis reached into...somewhere, pulled out a piece of paper, and chucked it at Nathan. 

Nathan caught it. It felt heavy in his hand, weighing more than it should have. He reached to unfold it and paused, alarms blaring off in his head. What…?

He felt Cantis’ eyes on him, watching expectantly, so he shook off the dread and flipped it open. His eyes skimmed over the short sentence written on it. His gut screamed at him to drop the paper, but his grip on it tightened until it crinkled up. What was— 

The words blurred for a second. Then one came into view. 

Clear. Sharp. Too sharp.

It stood out excessively, haughtily, mockingly— 

Save.

His breath hitched.

The word burned into his eyes. His stomach twisted.

“Save.”

“Save the villain, yeah. Pretty self explanatory.”

—save— 

“It won’t be easy, but it’s doable. And you can do whatever the fuck you want after that.”

—you want to save—

“Pretty sweet deal, I’d say. Hey, what’s going on in your head?”

Nathan, you want to save Papa, right?

“Oi, human.”

A hand gripping the edge, desperate. His father’s face, calm and composed. He had to save him, he had to get help, or else his father- he’d— 

“Hey! Snap out of it!”

The air was too heavy, too heavy, too heavy— 

Suffocating, it wouldn’t- wouldn’t enter his lungs— 

A  freshly written letter, caught in cold, blue fingers. An apology. A wish. Longing for belonging. Failure.

He’d tried to bury it, he didn’t want to remember- didn’t want to- to think about it— 

It was all his fault, he shouldn’t have—

You tried, you really did, but you couldn’t have saved me. No one could have saved me.

The face of a classmate. No—  his father. No—  

He couldn’t tell- which one was it? Dark hair and wounded eyes, so young, so fragile. Glaring up at him, blood-dripping hand clutched against chest. A blood-curdling scream— 

Face twisted in agony. Then it melted into- into— 

—save Papa— 

Twisted expressions, almost identical. Disdain. Sneering at him. Leering at him. Fail—  

Go find help, Nathan.

Help, he needed- he needed help, someone to help, help them, help him— 

He needed- they needed him— 

Stop trying to help! You just make things worse!

But he just wanted to- he didn’t want— 

No, not when it could’ve been prevented- he could’ve prevented it if only- if only he had tried harder- he should’ve tried harder— 

They were at his feet, grabbing him—  

Two graves, under the earth— 

He couldn’t– not again, not again. Save what? How was he-? He couldn’t save save save save save save save save save— 

“FUCKING BREATHE, ASSHOLE!”

Breathe— he had to- breathe. Breathe, Nathan. In and out, in and out— 

The constellations- name the constellations. Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Orion, Cassiopeia.

His chest heaved with slow, ragged breaths. It burned. He hadn’t realized it, but it burned. He needed air. Breathe.

Constellations helped. They calmed him. They were familiar. Even if they were in disarray now. Even if what was familiar was wrong. He’d take it. Any little bit of comfort, he’d take it. Pegasus, Cepheus, Hydra, Draco.

His fists unclenched. Strands of fine, white hair clung to his damp palms, broken from their roots. When had that happened? His jaw hurt, too. Crescents of red bloomed in his palms where he’d dug into it with his nails.

Andromeda, Aquarius, Gemini, Leo.

He blinked blearily, tears crowding his eyes. The edges of his vision blurred. His chest heaved and his lungs burned from want of air.

Breathe, Nathan.

His ragged breaths were the only thing he could hear. 

Silence. The stars flickered, distant and cold.

A moment passed. Then— 

“...Human. You, uh, you okay?”

“I feel fantastic, why do you ask?” Nathan’s throat was dry, and his voice came out hoarse. Two faces, different but same. And now a third? Would he have to go through this again? Why? Why him? Why not someone else? He was no saviour— he couldn’t save anyone. Nothing he did mattered, ever. No one mattered, dammit. Dammit.

Nathan took a deep breath, hoping it would settle the sick feeling in his stomach. It didn’t. His hand threatened to rip at his hair again. Not good. He needed to think, he needed to...digest this information. Calm down. Breathe.

Nathan stood abruptly. 

Cantis let out an unholy screech and flipped onto her back, legs flailing like a dying roach.

Nathan stared.

“I hate it when mammals do that.”

Nathan took a deep breath. “Cantis. Please. I need to- uh, regroup—”

“Yeah, yeah, feel your little mammal feelings.” Cantis waved him off. “Get lost and do your thing. Don’t die.”

“Oh.” Nathan had thought he’d need to explain more. “Er, another request? Could you please stay out of my head for a while?”

Cantis sighed like she couldn’t believe he had the audacity to ask that, but said, “Yeah, hold up.” She got back up and pressed her two hind legs together.

In a moment, her presence blinked out, leaving him alone with his thoughts. There on the ground, she looked no different from any other praying mantis. She tilted her head at him quietly.

The silence weighed down, heavy on his mind. The stars pressed in, watching, waiting.

Nathan took a step forward, then another, then broke out into a run. His feet struck the earth in a steady rhythm, his heartbeat racing.

He didn’t care where he was going. He just ran.

Overhead, the stars twinkled. Out of order. Out of orbit.