<perrywinky> asked: I just had NPC propose marriage to me. Is this this for real? What happens if I marry her? Can we xxx?

<BaneofChocolatesEverywhere> replied: Yes, its a feature. Unluike general npcs that you interact with, when you build a rapport with one and meet certain requirements, you gain their favor. those npcs become bound to you and retain all memories of your every interaction. And you can do everything with your spouse you're imagining. Yes, even that! Though with cheaper immersion helmets the sensation is vague and more suggestive. Players can also marry other players. But the intimacy feature is 18+ only, and any character that tries to force non consensual intimacy with a player or npc is immediately kicked offline. Their interaction is reviewed and the player can face any number of reprimands if their behavior is deemed inappropriate, up to and including a lifetime ban from the game. As for me, I already married my blacksmith and we are living happily. I help him run the shop and even craft items for him to sell. Truthfully I've been really sad since my irl bf broke up with me, but meeting Gunter changed my perspective completely. He really is my soul mate. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life inside tc and have his babies. I don't care that he's ai. he's got more of a soul than anyone irl I ever met.

<licklicky> replied: woah parasocial relationship much? Judgemental stair (ㆆ _ ㆆ) please love youself more than this person evidentally does, people

<BaneofChocolatesEverywhere> replied: Like I said, I don't care that he's ai. Plenty of people in this day and age consider themselves to be in a relationship with their ai partner. Really, they're better than humans because they have no emotional baggage, and their entire world revolves around you. They never think of anyone but you, and they don't cheat. Falling in love in TC is even better because here your ai love has a real body. Honestly Gunter is the best thing that ever happened to me, I don't care what anyone thinks about us.

<licklicky> replied: obviously you do care since you took the time to respond to my post. Someones insecure ┐('ー｀)┌

<BaneofChocolatesEverywhere> replied: I'm reporting you.

<licklicky> replied: ooooh im so scared ~('.'~)

<perrywinky> replied: so, we can xxx?

<BaneofChocolatesEverywhere> replied: -.-

<licklicky> replied: (¬_¬")

Wait, we can xxx?

Gulp.

What Chocolates said sounds right. After all, didn't I also gain Mad Wim's favor after working so hard to level up my Shroomlet Aura? He said I could come by any time I needed an alchemist's help and implied he'd remember me over all the other players he sees. Then, does that mean that unlike the usual NPCs I interact with, Penelope will remember me now that I've gained her favor? And if I bring her the ring she asked for, she's actually going to marry me? And then we can do this and that, and I can xxx her pumpkins? Whenever I like?

GULP!

Even though the sun's gone down, I'm sweating profusely.

This is, hands down, the best game I've ever played. Seriously the best!

Beating Tetra Chronicles? Who cares about that? Rather than spend my days grinding to level up, I see no reason why I shouldn't settle down right here in Dustry, enjoy the perpetual late summer/early autumn weather, and help Penelope pick and sell pumpkins for the rest of my life. I'm sure she will make me happier than adventuring ever did. She's so pretty, and she's such a good listener; though we just met, I'm sure she understands me better than anyone. I just know she'll be the one to heal all the wounds in my tired heart.

Yes, my mind's made up. If this isn't love, I don't know what is. There's only one thing I can do. I will marry Penelope the pumpkin farmer's daughter! But first, I have to find that ring…

I pull up the map.

[Hidden quest: Put a ring on it]

It's leading me to a forest outside Dustry. What did Penelope say, the ring was with a traveling merchant? Then I just have to track down this merchant, buy the ring, and—

Wait, buy the ring? I only have the small handful of silver I got as a reward from the edgelord quest. Well, that and a thousand health potions. If this guy's a traveling merchant, I'm sure we can make a deal. I'll sell all my potions, I'll sell every piece of gear I'm wearing. What use does a happily married farmer have for such things? I'll be far too busy handling pumpkins from here on out to bother with gear.

Hahaha!

It's dark now, but the full moon lights the path to the forest. I'm sure under ordinary circumstances I'd be anxious, heading into the unknown to face who knows what manner of scary monsters, but just at the moment, I could care less. Howling wolves? Like I'd be intimidated by such a thing. I'll fight Cerberus himself for those pumpkins! I mean—for my love Penelope!

The wolves attack, but I am unbothered. Five, ten, fifteen of them, who cares? They're flesh and blood creatures, so my aura devastates them in under three minutes. All I have to do is wield my shield, blocking the worst of their attacks, and drink the occasional potion. Easy peasy.

I'm so happy, it's like I'm under some kind of enchantment. I don't think I've ever felt so happy as I skip down the creepy forest trail, humming to myself the tune from that classic anime, Zatch Bell!, Chichi wo Moge…

“♫ Chichi chichi, oppai, boing boing!… ♫”

In the midst of my happy battling, I am now and again interrupted by a familiar farting sound. It seems Baba's aura is firing off more frequently. Each time it does I disappear briefly in a cloud of gas and reappear a moment later, always just a few inches from my original spot. It means less hits from mobs, and that's alright by me. I can hardly remember my embarrassing incident in the dungeon now, that devastating, most critical fart of my career. It's like it never happened.

Oh, Penelope! Wait for me, my love!

[Baba's Vanishing Haze Aura skill has leveled up.]

Boing, boing!

[+42 Wolf Hides

Crafting item, value: 8 cp]

Boing, boing!

[Noxious Spores skill has leveled up]

Who cares? Boing, boing!

After skipping up the trail for some time, stopping now and again to fight off packs of wolves, at last I come to a hunched figure in the distance, bent beneath a heavy pack. The traveling merchant!

I run up to him, eager and bright.

“Hello!” I greet him with none of my usual reservedness. The tall, thin man stops and straightens, eying me up and down and licking dried lips.

“I was told you had an engagement ring I might purchase from you. May I see your wares, good sir?”

“A ring, eh?” he surprises me with an ominous sounding chuckle as he removes his pack. “Usually it's young girls who fall under my spell and come looking for the ring. But I'll settle for a strapping lad. Not as sweet, but far more filling,” he says, and to my horror he begins a transformation right in front of me, turning from a pale, middle-aged man into a hairy gray beast.

Werewolf!

I jump back, but not in time to stop him from taking a swipe at my gut with long claws.

[-45 HP]

Ooh. That's a decent amount of damage. But I'm not some frail mage that's going to back down from a scratch or two.

Lifting my shield, I taunt him deliberately with my ultra-punchable face. Like Baba Yaya, he has a fury attack, and with a vicious snarl he lays into my shield, now hitting, now reaching around to get his claws into me. I do my best to intercept his blows, but the damage is raining down mercilessly.

[-31 HP] Slash!

[-10 HP] Thunk!

[-40 HP] Slash!

Yeah, this guy's doing a ton of damage. Welp, in this case, there's nothing for me to do but that.

Run!

Rather than turn and expose my back, provoking attacks of opportunity, I barrel straight into him, knocking him flat while my Noxious Spores aura continues to chip away at his health, draining him while at the same time nourishing me. Between that, my already high regeneration levels and a whole gallon of low level potions, I manage to employ my usual method of combat—running for my life while slowly draining my opponent's health. Finally, after exactly two minutes and twenty-three seconds of this, the werewolf merchant drops dead in the road.

I fall on my butt, breathing heavily for some reason in spite of my character experiencing no technical fatigue.

Scary! I never want to fight that guy again.

But it was worth it, I think, scooting over on my butt to examine his loot.

[11 sp]

[Recipe: Wolf Pelt Cloak

Armor Crafting recipe]

[Would you like to learn this recipe: Wolf Pelt Cloak?]

I mean, I won't need it after I settle down, but why not? I have all these wolf pelts now, after all. And my Armor Crafting skill is pretty close to evolving. Who knows, it might come in handy…

[Recipe learned.]

And finally, what I really came for:

[Engagement ring, a smooth gold band set with a small glittering diamond, full of the bearers promises, hopes and dreams.

Value: Priceless]

I hold the band with both my hands and kiss the stone. Mmmwah!

Like the description says, this little band is full of all my hopes and dreams. Ah, Penelope, my angel, my life! Wait for me, my darling! I'm coming!

I turn and run back down the road with all the speed granted by my Agility, kicking up a cloud of dust behind me. I'm so fast remaining mobs can't keep up, and eventually give up their chase when I zoom past them.

In no time at all I am back at the pumpkin farm. Though it's late, I don't worry too much about interrupting an NPC's sleep. Especially in this situation!

Penelope's going to be so pleased!

Excitedly, I knock on the farmhouse door. Inside, I hear footsteps, and my heart skips an excited beat. Nervously I stop to smooth my hair. There is a little blood on my armor—I should have completely removed the gore option! Hopefully she won't mind. Hopefully—

The door opens, revealing a rather unexpected face. I blink up at the familiar looking half-orc, staring dumbly at the name over his head.

Ilovetracktors. And beneath that, the guild name. White Striders.

“What?” I swallow. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here,” answers the half-orc in his guttural voice.

“Th-there must be some mistake,” I say, staring enviously at the guild name. Of course this guy made it in. “I thought this was Penelope's house.”

“It's our house.”

[You have lost Penelope's favor.]

What?

Just then, I hear a familiar voice as a woman in a nightgown steps into view, a soft orange shawl clutched over her shoulders.

“Who is it, dear?”

“Penelope!” I cry. “It's me, Revelator.”

“Who?”

I'm desperate, feel like I'm about to cry. Someone tell me this isn't happening!

“How can you not recognize me? We love each other! We were going to get married!”

“Married?” She seems genuinely baffled, and even just a tad disgusted. “I don't even know you. Besides, I'm already married. To Ilovetracktors,” she says, and I notice then a familiar jeweled band on her ring finger. It's exactly the same as the one in my inventory!

“What the heck?! You said you'd marry me if I got the ring, remember? You sent me on the hidden quest!”

“She gave me the hidden quest too, pal,” Ilovetracktors interrupts, moving between us, blocking my view of Penelope. “Looks like you finished it just a bit too late.”

His grin is smug while I realize I actually am crying, tears streaming out of both my eyes like ugly waterfalls as I bite my lower lip, furious at the injustice of it all.

He got everything. Everything!

I lost again…

“Come on, my wife,” Ilovetracktors says as he closes the door. Through it, I can faintly hear his voice.

“Let's go check on those pumpkins…”