"I'm not going to get anything more out of you today, I can see," said Giselle. "We both of us need time to parse through your insanity."

But something I said had to have given her hope. After all, I wasn't dead. I wanted to know more about the demons. But also I really didn't. I needed time to parse through her insanity.

 "A plan, for the future. We're on the same side, now." 

 For now. 

"It's only a matter of time before the wrong person picks up on it. I knew the second you walked into the breakfast room two weeks ago you weren't her. I was certain something had happened. I only felt the shape of your soul for clarification."  A golden spark jumped from her fingers like she'd flicked a lighter. "That my Amacia wasn't just hidden or altered - she was no longer there." 

 So that's what that was about. When she'd 'healed' herself in my room, she was rummaging around in my soul. No wonder it'd felt so weird. Witches were scary. 

 "We need continuity. For when she comes back. If you go back to being like her, they can chalk it up to temporary insanity." 

 "All right, then. List all the ways she was different from me." 

 "My Amacia parted her hair on the left. She wore her waves natural, and boyish clothing. You really act nothing like her. You don't stand like her. You don't talk like her. You let the retainers push you around like a doll. My Amacia worked hard to make sure she got her own way."

 "Sorry I'm nice to service workers. Sorry I tried to care about the state of the world, and my responsibilities as a princess. Sorry I didn't want to seduce your fiancé, for whatever reason." 

  She pursed her lips. "It's not about being nice. I just don't think you know who you are. And she did. Amacia is vibrant, stubborn and vapid. Gets her way most of the time, because she never wants anything beyond her own satisfaction." Giselle smiled like she was drowning. "She has a sense of humour. That's who she is. That's who you have to be. Oh, and she doesn't call me darling Zella." 

 "What does she call you. Then." My voice caught on my dried throat. 

 "Gizz." Soft g. 

 Something broke in me. "Why?" I croaked. 

 "Because I hate it." I had definitely died a long time ago. This was my brain in a death spiral. 

 My body rolled off the bed. The cold wallop of the floor woke me right up, and I lurched to my feet. 

 Giselle looked up at me, impassive and wide-eyed. "They all need Amacia. And they all need her to be as she appears. Always have. Everyone in this fetid palace has their own selfish reasons to avert their gaze. So they don't notice even when the world shifts, if it's out of their view. You're easier than she was. Why question that?"

"No, it's your family that's the threat. Derek's who poses the greatest threat. He never fully trusted Amacia, since she was found. And he stands to gain by your deposition. You stole his crown." 

 Right. I did get the impression he wasn't a fan. Also he'd usurped me in the novel.

 "He has "God" on his side now. By that I mean the Mages. And the minority faction of the Dukes who favour him over you as heir. Right now, he lets you have it because he can't find an opening, as has been the case since you returned, and we need to convince him that that is still the case. That there's nothing about you he can use to get rid of you." 

 Like, say, being an imposter, or a witch. 

 "For now, continue as usual. My unwitting lure. We need to sniff out if he suspects anything, so I can act as necessary." 

 "Are you talking about killing him?"

 She tilted her head. "That wouldn't be ideal. We just need to make it until the wedding." 

 "Wedding?"

 "My wedding."

 "You're still going to marry him." It seemed so disconnected from everything that was going on.

 "Yes. I wasn't his lover for your sake. I need to hold the South, for her. She'll never forgive me if I throw away the future she bled for, just like that." 

 "You're leaving for the Southlands - in a month!" Would I be free? 

 

 "So are you. To the border. To see me off. The Royal Progression, remember? You're the one in charge of planning it."

 "Why is that so important?"

 "That's where we're going to to bring her back, of course!" 

 Giselle left me with that to go on about my day. Like nothing's different. The servants came in. I let them dress me, just like I always had. 

There was a lot to think about. Demons. Witches. Weddings...

 All those stories I told Giselle suddenly felt true. 

  He was walking to me, down my hallway, that same imposing, steady silhouette. When I saw him, my slipper caught on the hem of my gown. I pitched forwards, landing hard on my knees. 

 He was walking to me, the same imposing, steady silhouette. 

 Then, his hand was before me, if I needed. I did. I couldn't find the strength to stand on my own. 

 "How long have you been here?" I asked. 

 "We take shifts. I'm here for now until dusk. I am, every day." 

 "I thought you always came when I needed you," I mumbled, drunk on exhaustion. 

 "I'm only a person, Your Highness. I - I try to anticipate your needs, but the only way I can be certain, is if you tell me." 

 He looked down at me, expectantly, softly encouraging. My eyes pricked and stung. I didn't say anything. 

 "Your Highness." He bowed. I didn't like it. 

 "I need - you to leave me alone now," I bit out. 

 He did, with another bow. 

 

 I slumped, reaching my hand to the wall to steady myself. Was he really in love with Amacia, or had Giselle just said that to hurt me? It had worked either way. Because I couldn't trust that he was on my side, just like with everyone else. In this world, I was entirely alone. 

 And then it hit me all over again. It's not a story. 

 It's not a story. It's not a story. It's not a story. I was living it. 

 This is just real. 

I slid down the wall, doubled down. A sob racked my body, then another, then another. Each one hurt as it came out, left me raw and devoid of air. There was nothing I could do to stop this. This was real. There was no happy ending guaranteed me. Curled up in the hallway, there was nothing I could do but sob.