Souta

Yeah?

I might be able to come to the town.

I was planning to surprise you but I realized it’s hard to do that without further notice

And I don’t have brain cells to plan anything to work it out.

So

I’ll ask straightforward if we can meet in any way.

What?

You'll come here...?

I might

Tell me if it’s possible for us to meet next week.

I didn’t want to tell you but I can’t walk out like this especially with your family and everything.

You'll come all this way to see ... me?

Maybe. We’re going to the town to see our relatives there, and I might can convince my parents to come and see you while we’re there.

You'll really try to come? You're gonna try and visit me??

Yeah, I’ll try. Just tell me the day, and the best is to come to your house I guess

So, that’s why I want you to check for me if possible, and if your parents are okay with it.

They'd be ok with it

It's just that they'd want to know exactly who I'll be with.

But no for real, will you really try to come??

Yeah, that’s why I told you to check with them.

They probably don’t know me as your other friends, so they might be wary of me.

Yes, they'll be wary... especially Mom.

But they'll probably be ok once I explain it to them.

Your mom will love me, I guess.

Just tell her my whole history.

And she can meet me if she wants.

 

You're confident, huh?

You're sure she'll love you?

I’m confident of my history with mothers that love me and think I’m a good boy.

Oh?

You have experience in charming mothers?

Duh.

You know the scenario where there’s something I’m gonna do with the friends, like a trip by own or something, and their concerned mothers coming to me and be like, “Please take good care of my son”

 

Hahahahaha

you mean that

Yeah, I can see

But the kind of mother I have... she's very particular, especially since she hasn't laid eyes on you before.

I’m confident, don’t worry.

It’s just the start so she can trust me for the future.

 

Alright then

I'll tell her all about you

She'll want to know about your background, everything.

Yeah tell her

Your father might know the name of my father

 

Yeah, he probably does

And he'll want to know everything about you, too.

Yeah I don’t care tell them whatever you see useful

But no for real

will you really come?

You really won't let me down?

I think so by 80%

So there's a 20% chance you won't be able to come?

Just trust the 80%, will you?

If these plans fall through, then you'll definitely come later on, right?

 

Yeah don’t worry I’ll try again

I’m the impossible defeater

You know how to make me feel at ease

But I'm still not sure if I should tell Mom everything yet

Yeah wait till I’m more sure.

I’ll let you know if everything went smooth

But you'll keep me updated right?

Yep

You're very confident about this

I'm so anxious and insecure by comparison

Lol

I don’t blame you

I’m on the airplane mode I don’t know my feelings

But I do want to see you.

I want you to come.

You know,

I don’t know if I remember your face right.

Technically, because we became friends after I left, I don’t know exactly how you look.

 

Oh really?

After all this time you still don't have an idea?

Yeah lmao

We don’t facetime each other that much, so I don’t really remember.

Only a vague vibe and fuzzy general look of you from the time I just saw you from a far during 1st year.

Maybe I am nervous a bit now about meeting you….

Nervous?

So all that confidence you had ... went out the window?

Come on just pretend I didn’t say anything.

No, I'm just surprised that you, Ano, suddenly became unsure about seeing me.

I mean

I’m now aware of you watching me irl

It’s kinda scary ya know

Oh, that's what you mean?

Like the fact that I know everything about you

But you don't really know me?

Come on you were observing me the whole 1st year. You know my look more than me.

Well

I did observe you all that while

But that's different from actually knowing you now, isn't it?

I mean... yeah but still.

That I have an image of you in my head

But you on the other hand have only a faint idea of me, right?

Exactly :/

And that's what's making you nervous?

Yeah.

And here I was thinking that I was the anxious one.

I don’t like irl meetings cuz you could observe me.

You mean observe your expressions and the emotions on your face?

Mmm

So because you think I'll be looking for any sign of something from you you're feeling nervous about it, am I getting that right?

I ‘think’? I’m sure.

And yet you still want to come see me?

Now I’m rethinking my own approach.

It's all so confusing ...

You seemed so confident that you'd come and yet you're all unsure again ...

What exactly is going through your mind now?

I wanna meet you, but I don’t want to.

So you're stuck between wanting to come see me and not wanting to come see me?

I’ll step on my fears to come and see you

I see

Well if you're determined to come then I do want to ask you one thing ...

What

How much do you actually want to come and see me?

Could you honestly answer with a percentage?

Umm…

60%?

60%

And you'll push through because of your determination and the fact that you want to see me?

Yeah

Now let me ask you one more thing, and it'll tell me a lot about how determined you really are

Okay what is it

How much do you want to meet Mom?

I know you're very confident that Mom's going to like you, but how much of you actually wants to meet her?

Your mom hmmm, 99%?

99?

Wow...

Now it's my turn to be surprised

Do you really want to meet Mom that much?

Of course.

I want her to know me and trust me. I told ya just so she’d be more at ease with me meeting, and so you’d be assured that your family wouldn’t worry if they saw me talking to you.

I know they may sometimes check on who you’re talking to.

You really have thought of everything...

You wanna build a bond with Mom right from the start huh?

Lol yep

Then what about my father?

If your goal is to charm Mom right from the start how about the other parent?

Do you wanna work on a bond with him too?

I don’t think I have to, no?

So you're confident enough that as long as you charm Mom, Father won't have a problem with you hmm?

Does he care? I don’t think so from my own point of view

You won't know until you meet him

But I'll tell you one thing

If you manage to charm Mom, I don't think Father would oppose you...

I know.

That’s why I’m doing this

So is it important to you that you build a relationship with both of my parents?

I don’t really care much about your father.

But I think your mom is a must.

Why Mom, especially?

I think she is the one you care about

So you care about building a relationship with the person I care about the most?

Yeah

So that you can stay in my life and by my side?

Mm, I think so

You sure are going the extra mile to secure your place in my life

How come?

I don’t know.

I wonder myself, but that’s the personality and mind I have right now.

You faced my other stupid self that I might switch up to and say “i cAnT bE by yOUr sIdE”

But I think we are safe rn.

So even with that part of you which is unsure and can switch up at any moment

You're still determined to meet me and stay by my side?

For sure.

And sorry in advance if I switched up. I know it sucks to be with me, but ya know,

I’m selfish

…You really are a headache Ano 

Still though

If you're that selfish and stubborn

And if that selfish part of you insists that you meet me and stay by my side

Then I guess we're safe

Right?

I think so?

I don’t know

You know that I don’t really trust myself on this

 

I do

But what I'm realizing is ...

You're the one that I probably should trust the most to stay by my side, even through your stupid self.

It's kinda like the most unpredictable person can be the most trustworthy.

You get it?

lololol.

Bro.

That's me being honest 

And you're right, you're quite unpredictable

You flip back and forth so much, that you're basically spinning

But you know something? I'm going to trust that spinning top because I know you really want to meet me

I mean, as long as you're stubborn enough to flip back and forth and spin, then it should lead you straight to me

Right?

Lolololol

I like that

I'm not even joking lol

You're a headache, Ano

a stubborn, resilient one

At this point, I think the unpredictable side of your personality is going to help you to finally meet me.

It’s not logical, but logical at the same time lololol.

That's the unpredictability of your personality

This will be the time when your unpredictable self works in your favour, so be happy

The stubborn, unpredictable self of yours is finally going to lead you to a certain person ...

Me

Mmm

Just trust me

Your brain will start spinning, and you won't be in full control of it

But I'll wait for you at the center of it all

As long as it's you, you'll definitely get to me even though the path you take isn't a straight one

And when you reach me

You're going to tell me with confidence that you made it because you were determined to see me more than anything

And then I'll give you a hug, and we'll be all good

...yeah I hope so.

Trust me on this one

You'll probably switch up your mind again later, but just remember what I just said.

Ok?

Yes sir!

Now I feel kinda stupid for trying to comfort you

But yeah

Just remember everything I just said

And try to make it here so that I can give you the hug

Ok?

Lololol alright

Oh and another thing…

Yeah??

I want you to look me in the eyes when you come here

Because you need to understand the extent by which I appreciate this act of yours

Ok?

…………………

No.

You must look me in the eyes, Ano

It'll mean a lot to me

It's the only request that I have

I’ll try, but mostly I can’t

I hate to look in the eyes.

Alright

Just try as much as you can

I need this, alright?

Mm okay

I promise I won't ask anything more than looking you in the eyes for one solid moment.

That's it.

Lol alright.

We will see

I'm already happy that you're going to come here for me.

Just this one thing that I need, that's all.

Okay okay stop whining

I'm serious

Just try to

Don't blink too.

Okayy alright god stop it’s embarrassing

I'm serious though

This really means a lot to me.

Alright just shhhhh shut it I get it

alright another topic

how are you???

Actually my heart's beating pretty fast from excitement I think

Other than that

I'm feeling pretty good

What about you?

I’m

I don’t know

Come on

You're obviously feeling something

Don't just say you don't know

Do you mind me asking what exactly it is?

Nothing

I feel nothing really

If that's what you say

Then tell me about your day

What did you do today?

Ah.. I forgot

Your day was that insignificant?

I guess so, since I don’t really remember.

Hmmm

That's not exactly what I expected to hear

Did literally nothing of importance happen today?

No

I don’t think so

Did you go to school at least?

Yeah I did

Any interesting things happened at school?

Any conversations you had with classmates?

I don’t remember

It seems like you've really forgotten everything about today

That's quite unusual

Were you feeling down today or something?

I don’t know maybe

Hmm

The entire day up to now is a complete blank for you?

Yeah

What about your feelings?

Do you remember how you felt today or have you forgotten that, too?

I don’t remember

...

Does that bother you?

Does it worry you that you can't remember anything about today?

Not really

You don't seem concerned at all..

Is it safe to assume that you're used to it?

You could say that.

Recently it happens a lot

 

...You mean to tell me that this memory lapse is something that you've been experiencing quite frequently recently?

Yep

How often does it happen?

Once a day? Once in a couple of days?

I don’t remember lol

How can you be so nonchalant about having memory loss this often?

If you lose it then it should be lost ;)

…

You just…

I'm gonna ask you something, and please answer it honestly

Yeah?

Do you never get worried that you might lose your memory forever and all these important moments in your life will disappear?

I do actually

Always

I’m starting to lose some important memories already

But now, I think I’m playing on the other side, the important thing is to not be forgotten.

…That’s why you're so determined to meet me

You're trying to leave your mark before you completely forget it, so that you'll be remembered

Right?

Yeah

Do you feel that life would be meaningless if the memories you hold dear were gone?

Isn’t that the human nature?

You've got a point there

Still

In light of your memory loss

Do you feel that it's pointless to care about anything if you're gonna forget it in the end?

It’s not that bad.

I do remember the headlines.

But I lose the feelings and the details, and I don’t know if that’s the human nature on this specific thing, but I try not to lose these details.

So you try not to lose the main details..

But you are ok with losing the smaller details?

Or the finer details like conversations and feelings?

I wish I don’t lose them.

But my memory doesn’t really help me these days.

I’m forgetting more and more.

You mean to tell me that you're losing more than just some details now?

You're forgetting the entire events entirely?

Yeah

...Are you starting to forget people too?

It's strange, It's not exactly like forgetting—they're still there, somewhere in the back of my mind. But it's like I've forgotten they even exist because I don’t see them. Then, out of nowhere, on some random day, they come rushing back to my mind.

Not just anyone, but people from the past I shared a deep or strong connection with.

It's like your memory is buried so deep that it doesn't come back until it's triggered by something, right?

And when it suddenly comes back to you, are you able to remember everything as if it only happened yesterday?

No, I don’t remember everything, just glimpses.

So it's kind of like remembering the essence of that person or that moment, rather than remembering all the details?

Yeah, sometimes I remember the details, others I struggle to do that and my mind hurts.

Your mind hurts?

You mean physically or metaphorically?

No physically lol

Wait, you mean that it actually hurts to recall a person or a memory?

Yeah it’s starting to hurt recently.

I was before only struggling, but seems like my mind is fighting to recall those memories

 

The longer it goes on, the harder it's becoming to recall even the basics like conversations and feelings, right?

Yeah I’m feeling this way

Are you scared?

Are you scared of this memory loss?

Of course

I fear to forget, because then I can’t give

But to be forgotten more scary

Cuz that means I haven’t done anything significant to the other.

Is that why you're so determined to make a mark on me and my life?

Because you want to leave a permanent effect so that you won't be forgotten?