Chapter 5: Vector to the Heavens

Ace watched from under the blankets. His eyes darted towards the clock hanging on the wall next to him. Judging by the time, Felix should be here to hang food on the handle, just as he had for the past couple of days. His stomach rumbled loudly at the thought of food. He could swear that his stomach juices were eating him from the inside out, but it could never compare to the numbness he felt in his heart. It was a weight, cold and unmoving, pressing against his chest until even drawing breath felt like a task too big. 

Felix and Lady Meng had been knocking on his door. He could tell who was who before they spoke. Lady Meng had a preference for clicky heels while Felix had a penchant for shuffling in his boots. While Lady Meng offered words of concern, Felix liked to hang food and urged him to eat before leaving. Yet, Ace stayed stuck in bed.

It was the easy route, the coward’s way. He had beaten himself up until his arms grew too heavy to lift. Never would he be able to tell A-Pa that he had magically become a sorcerer and that phantoms prowled the lands. Felix had also made it clear that sorcerers did not mix with non-sorcerers. A-Pa would have been wrecked with worry if he left home and absconded from enlistment with a shitty, half-baked excuse. Ace thought of the small phantom that had clung around A-Pa’s neck and groaned softly.

I don’t want to die either, Ace thought as he visualised himself spattered on the walls of his house.

His ears perked up as he picked up the sound of footsteps. The gap beneath the door to his room was enough to tell him if someone was standing outside. A sliver of darkness stopped just as he had expected. It lingered only for a moment before leaving. Whoever was outside had left. 

This time, when Ace’s mind entertained the possibility of food, his hunger pangs shredded his guilt. He winced slightly, clutching his stomach. 

Ace tiptoed towards the door and cracked it open. 

But nothing was hanging on the handle. 

Ace quickly shut the door, but someone jammed their shoe against it. A stocky man with tan skin stood at the door. “Hello, may I come in?” he asked. His tone was light and peppy, yet he maintained an air of respect and authority. 

“A-Ah! Uhm…” Ace gulped and scratched his nose. His face heated up, and he could feel sweat oozing from the pores of his temples and armpits. 

“Oh! Pardon me for not introducing myself first!” The man held out his hand. “I’m Dr. Farid Stino, Headmaster of the Tokyo Sanctum and Head of Academia. You may call me Dr. Farid.”

H-Headmaster?! Gulping once more, Ace opened the door further. His lips opened, trembling slightly as he tried to form words. The best he could do was to croak out a squeaky apology for freezing up. It was so soft that he could hardly hear himself. He opened the door wider after shaking Dr. Farid’s outstretched hand. Thankfully, Dr. Farid understood his cue to enter. Ace flicked on the lights but quickly regretted it.

His belongings were strewn all over the room, with his dirty clothes in another heap at the foot of the bed. “Sorry for the mess,” Ace mumbled and rubbed his stubbled chin.

“It’s perfectly fine,” Dr. Farid said as he fetched a roller chair and set it next to the bed. “Why don’t you sit down? Make yourself as comfortable as possible.”

Ace shuffled over and smoothed out the creases in the sheets with his hands. He settled down, not without feeling like there were spikes underneath his butt. He shifted his weight around but never found the sweet spot. “I-I’m Ace,” he sputtered.

“Very nice to meet you, Ace,” Dr. Farid said. “I hope that the Sanctum’s dorms are to your liking.”

Dr. Farid produced a pouch that looked similar to the one Lady Meng gave him. From within, he pulled out a flask and two cups. The cups fit perfectly in his steady palm as he poured tea into them. “Have some tea to soothe your stomach. Simple fare, just some green tea,” he said.

“The room i-is fine,” Ace said truthfully as he accepted the tea. “I just… haven’t had time to tidy up.”

“That’s perfectly fine, most of our students move here from their home countries. Most, if not all, of the time, they bring along voluminous amounts of personal effects. I have seen plenty of cultural artefacts in my time here.” Dr. Farid looked around his room. “Mind if I take a gander at where you are from?”

“Sure...”

“I see an ‘SG50’ Hello Kitty set from McDonald’s.” Dr. Farid’s observation made Ace’s stomach roil with embarrassment. 

“My dad queued up for it!” Ace blurted. “I… He said–”

“It’s a limited edition collectable!” Dr. Farid laughed heartily. “A true Singaporean queues up for all things limited.”

“Used to be… Technically, I’m stateless.”

“Our very first sorcerer from the little red dot! I’m from Malaysia.”

“And you came to Japan to work?”

Dr. Farid chortled. “This place serves not only Japan but most of Asia. We have people from all parts of Asia working here to monitor, dispatch manpower and maintain peace in the region. It’s like rojak, you know, a mix of different ingredients in one dish.”

“That’s nice…”

“Speaking of food, I sometimes go back to Malaysia for lunch using the Beacon. You have to agree that Malaysia’s food is superior.”

“Singapore’s chilli crabs are the best, though.”

The tightness in Ace’s chest loosened. He relaxed his toes, which had remained curled up before. “I heard that you have been keeping to yourself. Want to tell me more about it?” Dr. Farid asked.

Ace plucked at the skin around his fingers and gulped. “I don’t know what happened to me a-and all I’m thinking is that I’m not supposed to be here and…”

He drew his knees close to his chest. “Why me? Why did this happen to me?”

Dr. Farid exhaled, “A student of mine asked me the same question long ago, and I couldn’t answer it back then. He was an Aberrent, just like you.”

Ace looked up timidly. “Really?”

Dr. Farid stroked his chin, “When he came here, he liked to hide away with his ability. He liked to sit under the birch tree in the garden and pull out blades of grass. Anyone who looked closely enough would spot a small dent in the grass under the tree. It was where he sat for days on end.”

“Can I meet him?”

“He is no longer with us.” Dr. Farid turned his gaze away. His lips tightened into a thin, straight line. He blinked rapidly for a second before exhaling. “I’m sorry.”

“Y-you don’t have to apologise,” Ace said quietly. 

“We both wish for different circumstances, but here we are. Though I cannot say why you’ve been chosen, I hope I can answer any other burning questions you have,” Dr. Farid said. “I’ve worn many hats in the past, such as Head Librarian, then Lead Researcher when I got my doctorate. I also mentored Mr Lee and Lady Meng.”

“Mr Lee?”

“Felix. I heard you called him a drug dealer.”

Ace felt his face heat up and heard a small noise as well as a laugh from outside. Desperate to change the subject, he quickly came up with his first question, “How did I get these powers?”

“To keep it short, the God Hands granted us our powers. Some people would call it the Source if they don’t want to bother with the extravagance.”

“God… Hands?” Ace could not help but wonder out loud. It was strange that they credited their abilities to God but only specified God’s hands.

“The derivation of the term is a strange and convoluted journey. The term ‘God’ was a compromise, as no one could agree on a term to describe the entity. Its power was so massive that one could only agree that ‘God’ was the only way to narrow it down so that the narrative would remain focused. It’s a human instinct to simplify rather than understand. Knee-jerk reactions take less effort than digesting concepts after all,” said Dr. Farid. “But I digress. They then asked themselves, 'What part of God should we name it after?'. Thus, they focused on their hands, for they shaped this world. How do you shape something? The hands are always what come to mind.”

“You said they shaped this world, but why doesn’t everyone have powers?”

“To answer that question, you would have to abandon all previous knowledge you acquired about the human body,” Dr. Farid said. “Every living thing has a core. Not to be confused with our heart or vital organs. It contains this life force known as Essence,” he explained. “The core is like the human heart, keeps things moving. The more energy you have, the easier it is to maintain a consistent flow. High pressure to low pressure, so on and so forth.”

“So like a secondary circulatory system?”

“That was what we used to think a long time ago. The theory that Essence and the physical shell were separate,” Dr. Farid corrected. “It turns out that it’s not as binary as we thought. We found Essence in atoms, which means that it is part of the fundamental building blocks of life and everything that houses it.”

“So if I were to pick my scab, would I lose a bit of Essence?”

Dr. Farid nodded. “Essence, like light, displays wave-particle duality. If you pick your skin, you would unknowingly lose Essence through the hole left behind by the removed scab and whatever made up that scab. It exists in different states at the same time. Even the best Eyes cannot give a definite answer to the complex nature of Essence,” he explained. “The core, like I said, is like the heart. Let’s say someone lives a long, happy life, free from all worries in the world. The core will keep on going until it gradually degenerates and the flow comes to a stop, bringing death. Or if they step on a landmine first before the core stops working.”

“But what about the phantoms?”

“Ah, I see you’ve heard of them!”

“I almost got killed by one until Felix saved me. He did talk about phantoms for a bit.”

“Essence usually flows forwards and backwards. However, there are times when it would break free and start circling on itself perpetually. Recurring emotions, especially negative ones, are one of the main sources of this tainted Essence. But being stuck on something for too long is also the culprit for half the problems we face today.”

“I think Felix mentioned it. Obsessions, isn’t it?”

Dr. Farid nodded solemnly. “The cause of the other half of our problems. The line between passion and obsession is far finer than you think.”

“If I understood Felix’s analogy…” Ace frowned as he thought about the plastic lid Felix tore apart. “We pierce through the corrupted cores with our Essence? B-But the other day… my Essence consumed…”

Ace paused as he thought he caught a whiff of the same odour. He had to stop himself from gagging in front of Dr. Farid. “It,” he gathered himself quickly, “neutralised a bit of the phantom…”

“Sorry to interrupt you,” Dr. Farid said. “Did Felix happen to use the lid of his soda cup and a straw to explain this?”

“Y-Yes…”

“Every single time…” Dr. Farid shook his head. “He used this to pass his theoretical exams when he was a student.”

“But it’s easy to understand!” Felix protested from the other side of the door.

“He’s not entirely wrong,” Dr. Farid chuckled. “The straw is our Essence, or something I would like to call a vector. A vector of guidance to break the phantom’s Will and guide them to rest. Light against dark, mortality against forced immortality. Perpetuity isn’t all that desirable in this world.”

“And that’s why sorcerers exist?” 

“Correct. We sorcerers are granted a Golden Core, which generates Essence that fuels our abilities. These abilities are built around a Will, or true desires, which can be passed down. It then becomes a battle of Wills.” Dr. Farid leaned back into his chair. “But once in a very long while, we get Aberrants like you who are not related to any sorcerers by blood. Somehow, you formed a connection with the source of all our powers, which are the God Hands that I mentioned earlier. Now, to answer your question, imagine everyone holding the same powers. What would become of this world? The longstanding belief is that the God Hands are deliberate. It is easier to manage a few wayward sorcerers than a whole continent of them.”

“Well, it chose wrong.” Ace crossed his arms but immediately felt bad. He met Dr. Farid’s gaze sheepishly.

Dr. Farid regarded him for a moment. The chair creaked as he stood up from it. “Come, walk with me. Allow me to show you something.”

Unlike that wicked smile Felix wore, Dr. Farid’s smile was devoid of that slight, cocky curl. Ace accepted Dr. Farid’s invitation wordlessly. The welcome was abrupt, almost surreal, and he could not help but feel that the hand on his shoulder was unbearably heavy.