Chapter 9.5: The Boy in The Knit Cap

My name is Kazuya, Kazuya Aiuchi. I was born on 16 June 2002, which means that today is my birthday. My mother’s last wish was that I would one day be able to support and protect myself. Oh yes, my crutches are broken. 

Kazuya sat at the edge of his bed and stared blankly at the crutch that lay in two halves on the floor. He did not feel angry. His head was empty, and no thoughts crossed it. It was not the first time that it had happened. He knew exactly who did it and when it happened. 

But who was he to feel angry? How was he even going to fight back without his right leg?

However, there was one thing that they would never be able to lay their hands on. Kazuya took off the necklace he wore around his neck. To call it a necklace would be a little laughable. It was merely a key on a long strand of thread that he had braided to make stronger. Holding onto the bed frame, he carefully sat on the floor and reached underneath. He groped around a little before he touched the cool surface of a metal box. The lid of the box sprang open, and inside lay his favourite patterned knit cap. It was his only knit cap, so it had to be his favourite. It was oversized at first, but as the years went by, he had grown into it.

Kazuya put on the knit cap and arranged the two pom poms that dangled from the sides so that they sat neatly on his chest. He took out a roll of duct tape and superglue from the box and got to fixing his crutches. It was an easy fix as it always broke in the same spot. If I can’t raise two hands to protect these, I might as well use them to fix what’s left behind, he thought determinedly.

After smacking the crutches against the floor to test their durability, Kazuya got up and shuffled out of the room. He kept his head down as he made his way to the courtyard. He remembered every mark in the tiled flooring. Every crack and stain that peppered it, he expected. He sat at his favourite spot under the banyan tree and quietly enjoyed the peace. The warm sunlight filtered through the leaves, a respite from the cold and grey walls that surrounded the perimeter of the orphanage. However, the spots of sunlight were soon covered by the shadows of Ryota Sugiyama and his goons. 

“Oh, looks like he has fixed his walking sticks.” Ryota looked down at them, his few pencil-thin moustache hairs quivering as he breathed heavily. 

I’ve been here since I was nine. Today, I turn sixteen. Kazuya quickly stood up and turned to leave, but all possible exits were walled off. “Go away,” he mumbled, trying to keep his voice from trembling. 

“Go away? What are you gonna do about it? Cry to the headmaster?” Ryota and his goons laughed. 

Kazuya remained mum. Just then, he spotted a hand reaching out for his cap. He spun around, slapping it away. “Don’t touch it with y-your dirty hands!”

Kazuya tore off the cap and held it close to his chest. He backed away as the bullies closed in. A small crowd had gathered to watch the commotion, but none were willing to step forward. If they did, those ham fists would be directed at their noses. 

Ryota’s eyebrows shot up his oily forehead. He signalled for his people to get the cap from his hands. No! This is what my mother left for me! Kazuya squeezed his eyes shut and clutched the cap close to his chest. 

***

“Kazuya, when mama’s gone, promise me that you’ll be a big and strong boy who can stand up for himself, okay?”

“How?” Kazuya rubbed his cheek against his mother’s hand. The bedsheets her hand lay on were thin and smelled clean; too clean to be homely, too plain to belong to his mother. There was an incessant beeping in the background, but Kazuya tuned it out, wholly intent on listening to his mother only. He dared not lift his head to meet her eyes, lest he make her worry more. 

His mother’s soft voice graced his ears. “I believe in you.”

“But who would believe in me when you’re gone?”

“Papa and Mama will always be here with you.” Kazuya felt something soft settle on his head. 

His mother had put on an oversized knit cap on his head. She had been working on it while receiving treatment and finally got around to finishing it in one go yesterday. It was a burst of energy he had never seen before. “Papa gave you something even greater and it’s here in you,” she placed a hand on his chest. “One day, you’ll be able to protect yourself and the people around you.”

“Like a knight with a big shield?”

“Yes, like a knight with a big shield. Papa told me that he was able to make the best shield for you.”

“Is that why he is away?”

“He will come for you when you are all grown up. It takes a long time to make shields, Kazuya.”

The next day, his mother passed on from something that Kazuya did not remember the name of.

***

Kazuya gritted his teeth and he surged forward, giving Ryota a hard shove. 

It was only meant to be a shove, but Ryota and his goons were blown backwards. Their heads hit the wall with a dull crack. They slumped forward, leaving behind trails of blood and cracked plaster. 

People live to save themselves. Kazuya looked down at his shaking hands, which had saved him.

Then, why were his ears ringing? 

Why was his throat hurting? 

Kazuya then realised that he was the one screaming. His own and the children’s screams pierced his ears from the inside out. He squeezed his head between his hands, trying to drown out the ringing, but the pounding of his heart grew even louder in his head. 

Kazuya did not remember what happened afterwards. All he remembered was the rapid clacking of his crutches as he burst from the gates of the orphanage, bringing with him nothing but his knit cap. He had no idea where he was headed; the voice in his head had silenced all rational thought.

My name is Kazuya Aiuchi, and I just killed five people.