Once more, I wander the streets of Dustry in a daze. Penelope’s spell wasn’t broken when she forgot our promise to marry. But it was changed, from a spell of love and happiness, to a curse. 

I shamble here and there like one of the undead. Everywhere I look I see orange. Passing a bakery window, I notice a sign for pumpkin pie with an artfully doodled pumpkin in the corner, and I go to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably. 

She was going to be the one to save me. Her pumpkins were my only comfort after my failure in the dungeon. Without them, what is there left to live for?

Quests? I guess. I accept them on autopilot and complete them on autopilot, taking no stock of the rewards while my inventory slowly fills up. 

Before I know it, I’ve run out of quests to do in Dustry. The town is ready for its Founder’s Day festival, and somewhere in the process of running through the story, I guess I became some kind of hero. The whole town has gathered in another glowy sunset while I stand at the podium in an unskippable cutscene as Lord Edge praises my deeds. Ordinarily I’d be anxious as hell on a stage like this, but knowing everyone in the crowd is an NPC turns the event into an ordinary cutscene. It’s someone else up here being praised, crowned with garlands. Not me.

On the stage beside me are a few local VIPs, including young Nemo Edge in a black cape, gripping his left wrist to contain the evil within and glaring out at the crowd. Good for him, I think. At least he has a hobby. I turn my gaze outward as well, and my heart seizes up to recognize Penelope, standing out like a blazing pumpkin colored star amidst the rabble.

Why are you here? I ask as a silent tear trails down my cheek. Where is your husband? Just because its a cutscene, they brought you back as part of the population of Dustry. Cruel. Tetra Chronicles is cruel. 

I can’t wait to leave this place…

Just then a horrible crash is heard. The entire crowd gasps and looks to where a looming shadow approaches, tearing through the colorful streamers with its massive tusks. It’s a boar, I recognize. A boar the size of a large house.

“That’s the biggest hog I’ve ever seen!” Cries Auntie Em. “Dorothy! Dorothy, where are you?!”

All around there is chaos as the people scream and scramble to get out of the monstrous creature’s way. 

“No! Our festival will be ruined!” cries Lord Edge.

“Forget the festival, the whole town will be ruined!” Young Nemo Edge sinks to his knees, still gripping his wrist as he trembles uncontrollably. “C-curse this left hand. I’d save everyone if not for the evil holding me back!”

“If you really have got powers, lad, now would be the time to let them loose!”

“Mommy!!”

Desperately, the Lord of Dustry looks to me. “Traveler, you’re our only hope! Defeat that beast and save our fair town from certain destruction!”

[Would you like to accept quest: Now THAT’S a wild boar?]

“Sure,” I mutter, jumping down from the platform to gaze up at the creature. This must be the area’s final boss. I’d suspected one might show up as soon as this scene turned into a separate instance void of any other players moving around. I’m on my own here, facing the biggest opponent I’ve ever seen. But as with everything else since Penelope dumped me, I feel nothing as I gaze up at its monstrous visage. Only emptiness inside. 

“So you’re my opponent.”

The boar, named Swift Tusk, snorts loudly. 

“May as well get this over with...”

My damage is percentage based so I don’t usually look at my opponent’s health, but I can’t help but notice that at 3,500 HP, Swift Tusk’s health is seven times as much as anything I’ve faced solo until now, and four times as much as the dungeon mobs. How is an ordinary player meant to stand against such an opponent?

“Hero!” cries the head of the mage’s association, another VIP who’d been on the stage with me. “I’ll give you a boost, so take that thing down!”

Ah. This is how, I think, examining my wooden sword that now glows with a fiery edge.

[Firestorm Enchantment, sheathes your blade in a fearsome flame.

Gives a significant fire damage bonus to your strikes]

[Wooden Sword level 1: Sword used by trainees.

Damage 8-12 (adjusted 105-161)]

Ah. I suppose this would be a significant boost if I were the sort of damage dealer that actually used his weapon ever.

Lord Edge is yelling something to me about archers, but I pay him no mind; all my focus is now used up by the boar.

It crashes forward on a rampage, smashing into the podium, sending the remaining VIP’s flying. From the way its health is dropping though, I can tell it’s already caught in my aura. Lucky for me this thing is flesh and blood, so my aura still works. If it wasn’t, well—I don’t want to think about it.

For now, it’s enormous size seems to be an advantage to me. Since it can only attack with its face, I just have to stay out of reach of its tusks and let my aura do its work. Hang out around its feet, perhaps.

Stomp! Stomp! OOF!

[-80 HP]

OOF! ACK! ARGH!

[-92 HP]

[-70 HP]

[-78 HP]

I’m like a grape in a wine press down here, I can’t even position my shield to defend myself properly. If this keeps up, there won’t be anything left of me but pulp! Ok, get away from its feet, gulp down two health potions at once. They’re still low level, so there’s no cooldown on how often I can drink them. Thank goodness.

The rampaging boar stops then as though understanding I am its opponent. Swift Tusk turns its beady red eyes on me and snorts. I hold up my shield as it attempts to gore me with its tusks, and it launches me cartwheeling into the air.

[-11 HP]

Interesting, I think as I sail high above the boar only to come crashing down again with fall damage.

[-20 HP]

If the shield took seventy percent of the damage, then its tusk attack actually does less damage than its stomp attack. Perhaps even fifty percent less. Yes, better to face this thing head on, I decide. Except—

Crash! Weeeeeee!

[-13 HP]

Every time it hits me, it knocks me flying.

[-20 HP]

Oof!

It’s not the fall damage I’m worried about. It’s the fact that Swift Tusk knocks itself out of the aura’s range every time it sends me flying. This is a boss monster, it already has an advantage since my aura doesn’t stop its regeneration. At this rate, I’ll be tossed around a hundred more times before it finally dies. And while that’s certainly one way of killing it, my pride just can’t accept it.

I’m getting an idea. I’ve flown over Swift Tusk enough times now, it was bound to come to me sooner or later.

There, it’s back. If I can just get atop the monster, I could ride it and kill it without taking even one more hit.

[-20 HP]

This time when I hit the ground, I run around to its side. Casting off my shield, I grip its short hairs and attempt to pull myself up.

Oily! The beast is slicker than expected. It’s hard to hold on, and my Strength stat isn’t enough. After trying and failing a few times to scramble up its shoulder, I abandon that route, taking a few more stomps in the process.

[-88 HP]

[-82 HP]

Ok, get away from the feet. But I still think riding the boar is my best bet. Isn’t there another way I could try to climb it?

Ah. I guess there’s always…that way.

I approach it from behind, grabbing hold of its bristly tail. Swift Tusk, who was merely rampaging before, flies into an absolute frenzy when it feels my weight. Somehow I manage to hold on for dear life, getting whiplash as it jerks me from side to side like a rag doll.

Then, all of the sudden it stops dead, and I get an ominous feeling as I stare dazedly up at the pig’s giant quivering butt hole.

No. It wouldn’t.

Oh, yes it would.

I let go just in time to avoid the worst fate imaginable. Even just witnessing it up close is almost more than my sensibilities can withstand, and it’s all I can do not to faint from the smell.

I think I’m gonna be sick.

Just then the boar does a one-eighty, and I find I’m staring up at it once more, glaring down at me from the other side of a titanic sized steaming dump.

I’m gonna die.

Swift Tusk barrels straight through the [redacted], charging into me with full force. This time rather than gouge me upwards, he grinds me straight down. Fortunately I had time to pull another shield from my inventory before he caught me, but it’s not looking good.

I’ll be crushed!

[-10 HP]

[-15 HP]

[-19 HP]

Not enormous numbers, but they’re bleeding out of me fast, and I have no way to get to my health potions. And not only this. Before I know it, my shield’s almost used up.

In a desperate last ditch effort, I kick up into the pig’s snout just as the shield crumbles in my hands, sending the poop smeared Swift Tusk off of me for a brief moment, twitching and squealing. I roll to the side, grabbing one of the tables set up for the festival for lack of anything better, and put it between me and the pig just as it comes crushing down on me once more.

[Wooden table, a sturdy wooden table

Shield durability: 150/150]

Better than nothing. There wasn’t time to get in my pack for another shield. I just hope it holds. My HP’s draining fast enough as it is. Without some kind of shield between me and the boar—I’m not going to make it!

Just then, a system message pops up.

[Archers are ready.]

I blink at it uncomprehendingly at first. Then a wave of hope surges through me. Was this what Lord Edge was yelling about before? Reinforcements?

[Would you like them to fire on Swift Tusk now?]

“Yes!” I grunt with effort as the table snaps beneath the giant pig’s pressure, and my health starts to drain rapidly.

[HP critically low!]

“Fire!”

I gasp with relief as Swift Tusk abruptly lets up pressure, roaring with pain from the arrows. Quick as I can I throw back two potions, then I scramble to my feet, pulling a second shield out of my pack. But it’s for nothing. The archers have done their work, and together with the last of my Noxious Spores aura, Swift Tusk’s health is drained to zero.

The beast collapses heavily, raising up a huge dust cloud as buildings all around us shudder on their foundations. After all the horrific noise of battle, the town square is eerily silent.

Then all at once, a resounding cheer goes out. I feel something like pride stirring to hear their praise for saving their town once again. It might not be much, but to these NPCs, I’m a hero. And to a nobody like me, well…maybe that’s something.

“Are you alright?” A familiar voice cuts into my thoughts and I feel my heart squeeze painfully within me to recognize Penelope standing right in front of me, pretty face smiling, pumpkins shining more beautifully than ever. “You were very brave,” she says with a flirtatious look I’m beginning to recognize, though she doesn’t even know me.

She’s like this with everyone, I realize. That’s how they programmed her.

The girl I loved…she’s nothing but a honey trap. Whatever relationship we may have had, it never would have been any deeper than this.

“Don’t talk to me.” 

“Sorry?”

“Go back to your pumpkins, Penelope. Leave my heart alone.”