Jade

Ta-ta-ta, dum, dum, de-dum, pa-pa-pa!

1-2-3-burn!

Yes!

I look at myself in the mirror with my arms raised, frozen in the position that concludes my step, while the others do one more turn and then stop.

I remain still, trying to steady my breathing, and I observe Ha-Eun's reaction. Her brow furrows as she examines Ga-Yeon's final movement.

"Too fluid, you need to be more rigid," she tells her, shaking her head. "The movements must be sharp, almost military. It's the performance of an orchestra, so you need to follow the maestro's instructions, not sway to the beat of the music."

The girl bows her head, uncomfortable, continuing to wring her hands.

If she continues at this pace, she'll have no skin left around her fingers.

"You all stay in this pose, I want to see your resistance," she orders, not allowing us to relax.

I shift my weight from my spine to my legs, without changing position.

"Tae Hyun, what does your ending mean to me?"

"It's the music that goes skyward, it fades into the horizon, Coach," she replies, without turning around.

"You look like someone swearing to the sky," the woman snorts, approaching.

She takes his arms and fixes them in an evocative gesture, her arms curving in an arc, clapping him on the shoulders.

"You have to stop like this, don't go any further, because the music stops at the end of the song, it doesn't flow smoothly towards the end. It's a pause, not a continuum..."

She rolls her eyes, returns to her chair, and restarts the track.

We start again without a moment's pause.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Until she takes pity on us and orders us to sit on the floor.

The assistant hands us bottles of water and salts, while we dab our necks and faces with the napkin.

I'm soaked, my tank top has fused to my skin, and my shorts are sticking out in my crotch. I desperately need a shower.

"I know my perfectionism may seem exaggerated, but I'd like to remind you once again what this project is all about. In two days, you'll be performing live on national networks and online, in a rather brutal competition with 30 other participants. It will be a single-elimination round, so there will be no appeal or second chance. A song will be drawn from the electronic ballot box, randomly from among all the songs we've rehearsed, and you'll have less than a few seconds to position yourself and begin the choreography. You'll have to sound natural, at ease, as if you've been singing and dancing to that song since you were born. Study them, memorize them, listen to every nuance. You won't be given the chance to make mistakes, so be prepared. I've noticed your stamina isn't adequate, even though you're well-prepared. But now we're no longer in the selection phase, but in the competitive phase: bring out your soul and make it dance!"

Ji-Ho raises his hand.

"Coach, I'm used to training for many hours a day, but I don't understand why I'm so out of breath here."

"You lack stamina. You need to align your heart with your breathing, so that under stress, it can pump blood as if you were sitting. You need to burn minimal oxygen."

"How do you do that?" asks Ga-Yeon.

The woman scans the audience and stops at me.

"Yeona. Tae-Hyun, come here."

Perplexed, we exchange a glance, but obey and join her.

"What do you think are the most energetic K-pop songs? You can choose one from current or even from a few years ago?" she says seriously.

Tae-Hyun doesn't even wait a moment and replies:

"Chk Chk Boom by Stray Kids."

I give him a sideways glance and counterattack:

"Wonderland by Ateez."

She smiles amusedly.

"Could you sing and dance to them?"

We stare at each other, and the challenge begins.

We nod.

"Who's going first?"

Tae-Hyun smiles cheekily and goes to stand in the center of the room, while the others move to the edges to give him space.

The backing track starts and he begins to move, singing the song, mimicking the group's choreography.

I admit he's very good, precise, not a slouch, and he has a pretty good voice, fluid but with a captivating timbre when he hits the low notes.

At the end of the song, the coach nods, satisfied.

"See? Those who are used to using their breath to sing and dance don't get tired at the end of a choreography, even if it lasts hours. That's what you have to keep in mind."

He studies their nodding faces.

He signals me to get ready.

I take a deep breath and concentrate.

It's not easy because the eight members of Ateez have different voices that make the songs special. I have to avoid making the notes off-key and strained, given that this song has a truly military cadence.

I start the track and start sliding my feet across the floor before starting the vocals.

I feel the energy of the song invade me; I move, sing, rap, slide onto the dance floor as if it were just me, in my room or in the rehearsal room where I've listened to the group's music for so many years.

It's like reclaiming my world, my soul.

You have to find yourself, Min-ho told me, but I know a lot of me is in music and dance.

I keep twirling, switching from one tempo to another, as the song nears its end.

I get there out of breath, I admit, disheveled, but happy.

I stop with one last sprint and look for the coach.

She's grinning from head to toe, while my teammates stare at me in astonishment.

"How the hell did you do that?" asks Ji-Ho, giving voice to the others' thoughts.

"I love them" I laugh, reaching for my bottle.

“Yes, but all the voices? Even Mingi's?”

“My American side has listened to a lot of Eminem, so Korean rap is a breeze for me,” I reply, pinning my hair back.

“Do you understand what I mean now?” Ha-Eun intervenes. “Dancing and singing should be as normal as breathing, like these two do. They have solid preparation and express themselves naturally, so try to keep up with them if you want to make it to the finals.”

With that, she dismisses us, and I gather my things.

When I turn around, my classmates are still there studying me, but curiously this time.

“Yeona, do you want to do some review sessions with me later?” Ji-Ho asks.

“Why should he?” Tae-Hyun interjects. “You're his opponent, have you forgotten?”

The other guy shakes his head, and I stop him, grabbing his arm.

“No problem, I was going to come here after dinner anyway. Is that okay?”

The boy smiles and the other one walks away annoyed, while we head towards the elevators together.

It's the first time I've been able to connect with someone other than Ari, and I have to say, it's a great feeling.