“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING MATHEO PASCAL?!” Teo’s mother shouted at him, throwing the files she just read on the floor. Teo was about to speak but he got cut off by his fuming mother. “Why didn’t you ask me first?! Are you really quitting college?!” 

Teo frowned and took a deep breath, gathering the papers on the floor, unable to make eye contact with his angry mother. He knows no matter what he says, it will only add to the fire so he stays quiet. Education was so important to his mother, he felt like he betrayed her. Still, he wouldn’t go back.

His mother sat down at the nearest chair and gasped for air. “It’s already been done…” She massages her temple, frustrated. She can’t even look at her son.

“I already have a job! Don’t worry!” Teo couldn’t stay silent anymore, seeing his mother burst into tears seconds later “I’ll help you pay the bills and the debt!!”

His mother started bawling her eyes out, shocking Teo “Oh Matheo! That’s what I was afraid of… I’m sorry you have to think of that instead of your own future” She still can’t look at her own son. She didn’t want him to see her like that but it can’t be helped.

Teo felt a lump on his throat, he coughed a little, tears forming in the corner of his eyes, making his vision slightly blurry “Ma. It’s not just that…” He looked down on the floor, thinking if he should continue speaking or not, scared about what she would say.

“Do you want to have a bad life like me? What if you h-had kids and couldn’t provide the same way I’m doing right now?” His mother’s tears kept falling, her voice breaking. Standing up, she held him from both his shoulders to keep him still “Please, Teo, think this through. You have a year left” staring at her son's eyes, hoping she would get to him “You never fail classes. You have scholarships. You’re smart. Why this decision? Help me understand”

Teo’s tears finally fall, shrugging his mother off “What are you talking about Ma?! You provided everything for me! Don’t say that!” He sobbed, staring back at his mother. He ran outside as soon as the words left his mouth.

The sad truth was that Teo sometimes blames his mother for the situation they’re in but he can’t think that, he can’t possibly say that to her. God knows how much he loves his mother. After all, she was doing her best. He can see her doing her all. As heartbreaking it is to admit, it just wasn’t enough anymore. He needed to step up not only for himself but for his mother too. Else, both of them will crumble into pieces until they turn to ashes.

♡♡♡

After a while, Teo’s mother, Mary, has finally calmed down and is now speaking on the phone with someone while pacing back and forth, “He left a little while ago” she sighs on the phone. Her eyes were puffy from all the crying, she still felt a little heavy.

“Talk to him properly,” the person from the phone firmly said. It was a woman.

“I know… he gets good grades, he’s smart, he’s got a scholarship too… I just don’t get why he’s quitting” 

“Know his story, Mary. I mean, who else should ask him but you?”

Mary smiled a little, she felt relieved after speaking to her friend “Thanks Anselma, I wish we could meet up again soon” She closes her eyes and breathes a sigh of relief. 

♡♡♡

“I wish that every day! You’re the busy one!” Anselma laughed on the phone, her husband sitting in front of her at the dining table. “Alright, bye! And please see us soon!” she gave another light chuckle before ending the call. She then turned to her husband, who was eating a snack, with a sigh. Her eyes flickered with loneliness.

Anastacio is staring back at his wife, waiting for her to tell him what Mary said. He knew Mary for a long time too.

“I guess Mary’s son quit college and wants to work early” Anselma frowns, feeling the stress her friend is feeling. She rubs her forehead in frustration “I never know what kids are thinking nowadays. If I told my mother I was quitting college, she’d beat my ass”

Before Anastacio could contribute to the conversation, someone walked inside the kitchen with a scream, “Mom! Ate* told me to pack her other stuff!! She’s so annoying. Fuck…”

“Oh! Sebastian! You were home? I didn’t even notice! And watch your language!!” Anselma pretended like everything was okay and gave him a light smile, she walked towards him and gave him a kiss on the cheek “Alright dear, I’ll help pack. You too, Anastacio!” she pointed at her husband, making him sigh.

“She still has some stuff left over?” Anastacio asked Sebastian and he nodded, they all started walking upstairs, feeling defeated.

Sebastian groaned, walking a little further from his parents “There’s a lot left! Argh”

“Just start now, so we can finish early!” Anselma scolded him with furrowed brows, they all went inside her room which was located in front of Sebastian's room. Anselma started organizing the books first, "She forgot her sinful books, that girl" 

Anastacio starts to organize the figurines “She’s such a huge otaku" he looked at his son, confused “Is that what it’s called?”

“Huge otaku? More like a huge pain in the ass” Sebastian laughed as he helped his dad pack figurines gently, "She’s a nerd but in a bad way" 

Anselma looked at the both of them sternly, making them do their jobs much faster than before, scaring them a bit.

♡♡♡

“I’ll go get some snacks and water, continue packing” Anselma spoke out loud to get their attention, the two men nodded before she left. She just wanted to escape the never ending picking up of bl books.

Anastacio stared at Sebastian as he taped the boxes “Seb” 

“Yeah?”

“Are you sure you’re continuing college?” Anastacio asked, it seemed like this has been bothering him for a while now, ever since Anselma spoke to her friend on the phone.

Sebastian groaned, scratching his head “Argh… Dad, not this again” He scoffed a little, feeling frustrated that his dad won’t leave him alone.

Anastacio expected his son’s answer but he still kind of expected him to say something different, “Just making sure. If ever you want to stop, you can inherit the company now, you know? You’re more than capable. I taught you everything”

“The company is… not for me”

♡♡♡

“Teo,” Mary whispered, noticing Teo go inside the house. She stood up and walked towards him as he walked closer to her with an indescribable face.

Teo sighed upon facing his mother “Ma. I’m sorry” He said, rubbing his fingers together from behind because of anxiety. He’s never given his mother trouble before, not like this.

His mother smiled at him and gave him a big hug “Don’t apologize, son” She felt guilty for getting angry at him earlier. She’s just glad he came back.

“Should I just continue studying?”

Mary’s eyes widened for a bit, it’s what she and her husband wanted: for him to graduate and live a good life. A better life than what he has now. It was her chance to convince Teo to continue. She looked at her son, he was tearing up, covering his face with one arm, trying to be silent.

But what defines a good life anyway? It’s not the same for everybody and surely it was different for Teo as well. 

Mary’s heart breaks into a thousand pieces, she has never seen her son so miserable before, “It’s your choice Teo. I just don’t want you to quit because you feel some responsibility for the way we live''

“But that is one of it ma… No matter what you tell me, we’re already in this together. You don’t have to start treating me like a child… Not right now after everything…” Teo sniffed, wiping his eyes using his already damp sleeves. He’s always done everything else himself. He basically raised himself.

They live in a small building, renting a small apartment they couldn't even afford. They struggle to keep food on the plate every single day. Teo worked hard, studying day and night ever since he was child, he always had scholarships to study. And he also has Laurent who takes care of them sometimes.

Mary sighed, she wanted to cry but for some reason, she couldn’t. She knows it’s the wrong time to feel proud of his son but she is right now “Alright, Teo. Let’s do this together, alright?” Her heart shattered once again, looking at her son. She blames herself. She felt lucky her son was understanding. He’s a good kid. She knew she was partly to blame, she knew she had shortcomings being his mother. But what can she do now? He’s all grown up, never needing help even when he was a kid.

Teo laughs a little while wiping his tears “And I really don’t want to go to school anymore…” Tears still fell down from his eyes even after wiping it all off. I’m just a coward… I’m a coward that made his mother cry.

Mary hugs her son, she doesn’t remember when the last time they hugged each other was “I understand” She forced herself to, seeing her son cry after all these years. This is the first time in forever she saw Teo acting like a kid, sobbing and not wanting to go to school. Still, his decision took a lot of courage and contemplation.

Mary sees Teo as a child right now, wrapped around her arms. The child she never saw when he was younger. 

“College is… not for me”

♡♡♡

* Ate, a Filipino word that means older sister; usually what females older than you are called.