Their visuals are really alluring.They look like fairies in their upcoming comeback dresses in summer outfits.

I was super excited to wake up every day.I can't sleep since their latest song is replaying in my mind, then they have the new song again.

How can my mind sleep with that?

"Midnight snack?"tanong ni Luther,my older brother,nang makasalubong ko siya palabas ng kusina namin.

I shook my head."Iinom lang ako ng tubig,"sagot ko.Lalagpasan ko na sana siya nang may sinabi siya na nagpatigil sa'kin.

"Do you want to go to college again?"

I wasn't prepared to hear that.I clenched my fist and glanced at him.

"I just want you to be settled at least.I was just making sure—"

I hissed,"You asked me about this five years ago, but what did I answer? Do you want me to repeat it again?"

"If you just chose to study, you probably have graduated this year."

"And this year may be the beginning of endless work—working as an employee until I die.Do you want me to be like you?Helpless?"

Hinarap niya ako."Then leave this house if you don't want me to interfere with your business."

"I didn't say that."

"You can't?"he asked."You can't leave because you have no choice?You have no place to go?"

"Kuya."Nilunok ko na ang pride ko."Can I just peacefully stay here?"I asked.

"Fine,"he said.I was about to go when he said something again."I'll give you one year to prove yourself.Do whatever you want, but just this time."

And now, he left me, not sinking in the words he said.After five years, he asked me again about this, but also after five years, he finally gave up on me, maybe?

Nililipad ang isip ko habang papuntang kusina sa sinabi ni Kuya Luther.I can't help it—galit pa rin ako sa kanya—pero dahil sa sinabi niya, I felt so relieved. . .

I drink plenty of water before I go to bed, but when I close my eyes, my head is still awake, thinking about what I would do this time.

***

The comeback was lit.It was summer song with beach vibes.I was watching it and for the next five days, I was tuning for their other contents on Youtube then as I scroll, I saw a cover on the feed.

If I can just be like them—oh wait, what did I say?