Min-ho
If they check the views, they'll ban me!
I've been watching Jade's videos on repeat for over two hours, unable to take my eyes off them.
The clip from 'Warriors', filmed in a basement—or so it seems to me—is incredible!
The light and dark setting, her colorful shoes flashing in the shadows, her warrior expression with those dark marks drawn on her cheeks, are brilliant.
She recreated in an amateur clip what we spent three weeks studying.
She has a volcanic creativity, and the more I watch it, the more I'm sure she'll win the contest.
I'm proud, but also a little sad.
I'll lose her, I know.
Not that I wouldn't lose her anyway, even if she didn't win and went home.
What do I expect? That she'll stay here, living in the shadows, waiting for permission, in I don't know how many years, to say I have a private life?
The life of an idol is sad and lonely. In public, we are the property of our fans and we dedicate every moment to them. In private, whatever we do, it must not be revealed.
Even if I found the woman of my life, I wouldn't be able to say anything until I was thirty, and maybe not even then.
Their ratings drop to rock bottom when an idol falls in love. Or gets married. Worse, if they come out.
I sigh disconsolately and continue clicking through the videos, enjoying—like a thief—this girl's exuberance and talent.
For the other presentations, she chose a dance to Lady Gaga's song "Judas" and performed a cappella "Sorry" by The Rose.
Remarkable performances, and I note, highly rated.
She's in the top 10 and continues to rise.
A notification lights up on IG and, reluctantly, I go check.
Jade Taylor aka #LeeYeona has uploaded some photos.
I raise my eyebrow and scroll through the gallery of her new uploads.
She's made a collage of all the gifts she's received from fans, calling it "Love you, BDays" dedicating a thought in one line to each individual item.
I scroll through all the boxes and frown: mine isn't there.
Maybe she didn't receive it?
I continue scrolling through the previous photos, but the same result.
I'll have to call the courier and make sure it hasn't gotten lost.
Yet, I received the message that was delivered.
As I open the messenger chat, another IG notification appears.
Jade Taylor aka #LeeYeona wants to message you.
I'm perplexed.
How did she find me?
I click on the flag, somewhat anxiously, and open the message.
There's a photo of the pendant, hanging from a slender neck, followed by the writing.
MH: I love my talisman.
A spontaneous smile spreads across my lips.
She got it.
She immediately knew it was me.
I heart her in reply, and another message arrives.
JT: Why weren't you with the package?
This time I laugh, a little embarrassed, I admit.
MH: It wasn't the right time.
JT: I love your gift, but I would have preferred you. With a bow, maybe, but you 😉
Ahh, how I adore it. It makes me feel special.
I get comfortable on the couch.
MH: Do you know what happens if I go back to the studio and you tell me these things?
JT: They already told me I got recommended by you, so what difference does it make?
MH: What?
JT: That idiot Tae-Hyun saw me leave your room. Luckily he didn't realize what had happened, otherwise I would have been off the show. I was stupid, I acted without thinking.
MH: And what did you say? How did you justify it?
JT: I'm a Rebellius, I came for an autograph. And like all fans, I didn't think about the consequences... Luckily they believed me, because I had the shirt with your autograph 😉 Even if now I'll have to bring more Reb3ls pieces 😉
MH: I'm speechless... I'm so sorry.
JT: About what? What do they think about the registered letter or that day?
I sigh uneasily.
I was such an idiot that day.
MH: Do you regret it?
JT: I hate it when they answer me with another question. Anyway, no, never. And I will never tell anyone.
I smile imagining his determined expression.
MH: I will never regret you and what I felt. I'm sorry I gave in so quickly, causing you so much trouble.
JT: I'm not someone who can say 'no' easily.
God, how I wish I had her here with me and held her in a hug. I've never met a girl like her, so intriguing, yet so mature for her age.
MH: You're conquering the world with your talent...
I wait a long moment for her response, but it never comes.
Did I offend her? Did I say something bad?
I reread the responses and really don't know why she disappeared.
The points remain unresolved, as if she were writing, but nothing arrives.
Several minutes pass before her message appears.
JT: You'll think I've gone crazy, but I don't care anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I love dancing and what I'm doing, but some things have happened that are making me reconsider my stay on the show. Maybe I'm worrying needlessly, but... I don't know... It doesn't matter, just pretend I didn't say anything.
I reread it several times and frown. What's happening?
Are they pressuring her?
MH: Jade, what's going on?
JT: Nothing, I told you. It's probably just tiredness making me see things that aren't there.
I have to go down to the meeting soon. Can I text you later? Can I keep in touch?
MH: Absolutely. Text me anything you want, and if you need me, I can give you my number and I'll call you.
JT: Thanks, I'll do it… it's better not to have a number right now. I don't want to compromise you. No one must know about us, don't let it slip, not even if we text each other. Stay safe, MH. Don't make me worry about you too, okay?
MH: Jade, what…
JT: I miss you, my sunshine, that's why I don't want anything to dim your light… See you later.
He adds several stickers of glowing, dancing, smiling hearts, and disappears, leaving me with a shadow on my heart and a lot of thoughts in my head.
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